Hi there, I have something that bothering me and I don't know what to do, so I am here seeking for advices.
So, I am a married woman, we just live together 6 months. We are a young couple with kids. My husband is a good daddy, a good husband.
Well, look like I don't have any problem to ask, but I feel something need to come out.
He going to work everyday, I am seeking for job and doing housework, take care for children. I really feel stress because of that, everyday I have to clean up, doing laundry, folding clothes, cooking, doing dishes without dishwasher for 5 persons, so I keep complaint all the time about everything for example if children or husband change clothes and throw at the floor or someone ate cookies, drank milk, etc... but forgot to clean up the cover, dishes, bow, cup, someone doing thing with document, book, papers, bills, pen... without put them back to where they were belong... Someone messy somewhere sometimes... My husband seems have no idea what is going on my feeling at all, I can tell, because after meals, he will comes to living room to watching television and leave me struggling with piles of dishes with an innocent face. I am not saying this because I feel angry and jealous with that, I know that he working harder than me for a long day and he need to rest too. But I need so much if he just stay beside me, talk to me while I am doing things, tell me that he miss me, help me a hand to let me know that he cares and shares doing thing. It should be so sweet, am I too romantic and I shouldn't let it take over, right? But how long can I stand? I don't know, but for sure I wish my husband share housework with me a little bit more, am I asking too much?
It was about a month, morning he wouldn't wake up to cook for children any more, he wanted me get up earlier, take care for children and he still in bed, for me, this is no big deal, I can do everything myself, but I need him to be better a man who always generous, liberal even after married, even after 100 years, no matter how old is he. Of course sometimes very rare, he do the dishes, and that is it. Not like before, he is changing but he even don't realized it himself.
If I feel enough, complaint, he will blames me that I was selfish, I have no idea how tired he is, etc... But I though, before, without me, he did the same thing daily, he still have lots of time and energy for me, what happening?
And it was 6 months we live together, we love each other very much and I am sure he loves me than anything else, I am not worry about love between us, but here is the problem: Last three months, our sex life was less until now. At first, I told him how I feel. That I felt our sex life is going down... Then he blamed about his busy work, tired, but for me, what he says are just... bull. I don't believe that a man busy with work and tired about work could refuse sex with the one he loves, I believe all people can manage very easy and they will not blame like him.
Then I try to analyze and I think he have problem with his health, he is a strong man of 40 yrs, he work very well, he can work like two men at once, but he have a big problem with allergy which makes him sneeze all the time, shortness of breath and very uncomfortable. His ''boy'' doesn't want to wake up like before, especial after he took Symbicort medicine which he believe it help for his lung. Whenever he have medicine in his body then his ''boy'' doesn't work. I understand and very OK with that as I has been patience for very long time to wait, but now he stop use medicine, then his ''boy'' being lazy too, doesn't work or work very rare, what the hell is going on now? Usually, a normal man should be so excited if his wife comes to hug him, kiss him, touching and do some naughty thing, but he is not, his ''boy'' is sleeping like hell. Even if I give him excellent body massages for one hour and applying many tips, lol. Sometimes, I want to be naughty, he will be angry that what I care about is just sex, that he can't make love all the time like me, etc... But after he found out that I just want to play with him a little bit, not asked for make love then he told me the truth that he afraid if I kiss him but his ''boy'' doesn't work then I will feel frustration, etc... he seemed to feel pressure so I learn to control myself, not touching him ''right there'' as much as I want to. I have to reduced my feeling, I try to keep my emotions in a balanced state, have sex or no sex is not important to me anymore. It is difficult, of course is just me personally, he does not have this feeling, it's funny, I think it is difficult to accept, because we just live together, but his feelings sex life was like an old man. He did not accept this truth, he did not want to visit a doctor about this sensitive issue, he said that because I'm too demanding. He said let things happen naturally, I have tried, and the result is worse. If I let things happen naturally, then maybe he would just have sex with me once a month. I brought this issue to discuss with him to find solutions, I told him that we are a young couple, I think we need to overcome this drawback, but he said that it is a completely unnecessary, he said that if I love you, I just need to stay next to him is enough, no need to think about making love, etc... When I do not agree with that he was angry and said that I only think about sex and sexuality, but the fact is not necessarily so, I just want a marriage with a healthy sex life, it is not wrong.
I am a romantic person, so the kisses of foreplay it is necessary and wonderful, before making love. Now, when he made love to me, he used to skips those steps and goes straight, make me feel terrible, I feel he made love to me like having sex with a prostitute, as for favors. I feel he does not respect me. When I asked him about this, he said that I was thinking of bull, he just made love to me by his emotions. I said to myself bitterly: Oh, so people change over time is like that? Btw, he often lose takes erection while making love, which made me lose interest and feel depressed.
Look at us, people though we are perfect together, a young family, beautiful kids, handsome husband, beautiful wife, often have romantic nights out for cinema and restaurant, not rich but have good life. My husband think so too, I asked him, he told me that everything are perfect, that he is so proud to married me, that he is rich to have me, whatsoever, he is very sweet and romantic too, but what do I do to change things happening...
Looking back at myself, I am proud to be a beautiful woman who gracefully, he and his friends even told me that I look like a model. I am over 30, have kids but look like teenage, people always told me that I look like 18 yrs girl. So, about my body, my look, I am so confident. About housework, I am an excellent cooking and doing thing perfectly, dinner table always beautiful as in restaurant, everything are clean, neat, tidy. I am a designer and used to be a businesswoman. So what I should do?
