Hi.. my guy is in the sales & marketing field- pharmeceuticals. He needs to achieve his monthly targets. And most of the time he do achieve it, but when he doesn't he is really stressed out. He is fun loving... and evrth . But when it come to most of the month ends,, he is blues...

Sometimes he hardly talks... or take long naps
This is a bit annoying
He is 26 years... and v have been in a relationship for 5 months.but very close to each other...

Please help.. what can I do when he is like that...
Shaz

At the end of the month( especially) go and make yourself happy, go out with your friends and go shopping etc. Let him have his time alone with his blues. Don't get down because he is down, and you should not depend on him for your hapiness.

The whole point of being a couple is supporting each other no matter the mood or the reason he obviously has quite a stressfull job so rather than thinking of yourself as rol suggests why not try doing things for both of you like cooking a nice meal running him a hot bath just generally helping him to relax will enable you to also feel less stressed by his actions.
I would also encourage him to talk it through with you and maybe use you as a spring board to bounce ideas off you're a couple a team and a pair so be the stronger person and help him ease his woes.
Good luck

<<so rather than thinking of yourself as rol suggests >>

Well I was not suggesting she thinks of just herself, by doing what I suggested it is thinking about him also by giving him time alone. That way he can focus on his work and does not have the added bonus(minus I should say) of trying to make her happy.

Of course she can cook him a nice dinner or run a hot bath in the evening for him also.

I sense that this may be a part of the sales person persona. I have known quite a few very successful people in that field and it's the game of it all that attracts them. Its rather like some strange sport to them -- the Thrill of Victory and the Agony of Defeat! I would suggest you look at it over time and see if that is not just his way too and wear it all a lot more lightly. Look at whether he sees it as a problem or if he enjoying or accepting the roller coaster ride. It very well could be that its not really a problem as much as its simply the nature of the profession?

You may think your close, but there is much more to learn about each other, so for now you can only accept him and his ways and find a good time to talk about it. 5 months is still the very early stages so pay attention as you are learning. For now give him his space and no pressure when his mood swings. He will talk when he's ready.

Shaz, since this is a relatively "young" (meaning you haven't been together for a year) relationship, there is still a lot that you and your guy don't know about each other.

I would suggest that you start with curlybenswife's advice first. See if those suggestions she has made helps you and your guy. If, after trying these tactics, he is not responding, then you have to understand and accept that this is who he is. It has nothing to do with you. This is his coping mechanism and you trying to get him out of this place he has put himself in, will only annoy him. Accept that his mind and body needs this. And then, I would follow Rol's advice and do something for yourself.

Good luck!


P.S. Tal -- didn't see your response when I was writing this.

Ive dealt with the same kind who would go into his little "cave" every so often and work on his work, and could perhaps get a bit moody.Its just who they are and you neeed to accept that.

The best thing is to leave them alone and not even question it , they always come back nice and happy and dying to things for you later on. When they come back you can perhaps discuss it in a 'nice'and perhaps humourous way but definitely not when the mood is going on!

Both sets of advice are great. It just depends on what your guy needs. Talk to him and ask him. But when you ask him, don't make it seem like you are accusing him. Adding guilty to stressed is never a good idea. Just say something like, "Honey, it seems like you get a bit stressed at the end of the month and I was just curious how to help you. Would coming home to a nice dinner and some quiet time together help or do you just need to be alone to focus your thoughts?"

And then do what he needs you to. Just know that it's not YOU. So you have nothing to feel bad about. Enjoy the good time you have with him, wait out the stressful part and then he'll be back being wonderful again. Being supportive and understanding is the best gifts you can give to him, because then he will know that he won't be coming home to any "drama".

My husband is a cave guy. I use his cave time to pamper myself and do things I want to do that he isn't interested in and then when he surfaces we are both better for it.

rol, I agree with you because I have been there myself.

But, think back to what you were thinking and feeling before you "dealt with the exact same kind..."

Until shazna experiences it and learns for herself, simply telling her this will not satify her. She is looking for something constructive to try, as she is stating in her post. Let her try it. We know what will happen in the end, but she doesn't... yet. ;)