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-   -   How would you deal with this crazy & scary situation? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=672143)

  • Jun 17, 2012, 11:26 PM
    Jon1970
    How would you deal with this crazy & scary situation?
    I have a really crazy situation. I had my ad in an online dating site. A lady answered my ad and we e-mailed back and fourth for a couple of weeks. Two weeks later this lady tells me that she really is a guy (he even had a picture of a lady on his profile and had answered all the questions on it sounding like a lady) and then tries to convince me that I should try dating a guy that maybe I would like being a bisexual. I told him no that I am not gay or bisexual and that I was not interested in that (I have no problem with gay or bisexual people, I am just not myself one and want people to respect that). He kept on e-mailing me back and I told him that I wanted to end all conversation with him, that I was not interested and that for now on I would be ignoring his e-mails. During the time that I thought he was a lady I had told him about a local night club that I liked to go to because it had live music. This weekend this guy comes to this night club and finds me and walks up to me and introduces himself to me. I get freaked out and I run out the place in horror. I am now at witts end. Unfortunately, I do not know the name of this guy as he used an alias lady's name on his profile so I am unable to call the police to have them issue an order to keep him away from me (I can not file a complaint against a person that I do not know the name of). I right now am freaking out because I really do not want to quit going to the night club because I like their music. Anyone have an idea of what I can do? I am completely freaked out right now!
  • Jun 18, 2012, 12:21 AM
    girlwithadream1
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jon1970 View Post
    I have a really crazy situation. I had my ad in an online dating site. A lady answered my ad and we e-mailed back and fourth for a couple of weeks. Two weeks later this lady tells me that she really is a guy (he even had a picture of a lady on his profile and had answered all the questions on it sounding like a lady) and then tries to convince me that I should try dating a guy that maybe I would like being a bisexual. I told him no that I am not gay or bisexual and that I was not interested in that (I have no problem with gay or bisexual people, I am just not myself one and want people to respect that). He kept on e-mailing me back and I told him that I wanted to end all conversation with him, that I was not interested and that for now on I would be ignoring his e-mails. During the time that I thought he was a lady I had told him about a local night club that I liked to go to because it had live music. This weekend this guy comes to this night club and finds me and walks up to me and introduces himself to me. I get freaked out and I run out the place in horror. I am now at witts end. Unfortunately, I do not know the name of this guy as he used an alias lady's name on his profile so I am unable to call the police to have them issue an order to keep him away from me (I can not file a complaint against a person that I do not know the name of). I right now am freaking out because I really do not want to quit going to the night club because I like their music. Anyone have an idea of what I can do? I am completely freaked out right now!
    Maybe you can go to the night club with friends then if he goes near you talk to him nicely that you don't want him because you are not interested in such relationship with same sex. Then tell him that you can be friends? Ask his name? :) or maybe you can also tell your friends about this matter! :) hope it helps:)
  • Jun 18, 2012, 03:41 AM
    ScottGem
    First report this to the site you advertised on. I'm assuming this is a site where he has to sign up and so they may have his real info.

    Next send him an e-mail that if he every approaches you again you will have him arrested and this is the last e-mail he will receive from you.

    Finally, the next time you go to this club, talk to the manager and make them aware of the situation. Ask if he approaches you again, can you ask the club security to detain him for the police.
  • Jun 18, 2012, 06:44 AM
    Fr_Chuck
    Ok, why after he told you this, did you ever even once email back. You stop talking to him, by talking to him you may have given him a wrong impression, most men would have told him off and delected any contact with him from that point on.

    Next "ran" out, why for heavens sake, you curse him out, or if he still bothers you after you say leave me alone, you call the police on him. You are giving him control by acting scared of him.
  • Jun 18, 2012, 07:49 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by girlwithadream1 View Post
    Maybe you can go to the night club with friends then if he goes near you talk to him nicely that you don't want him because you are not interested in such relationship with same sex. then tell him that you can be friends? ask his name? :) or maybe you can also tell your friends about this matter! :) hope it helps:)


    Tell a stalker that you want to be friends? What?
  • Jun 18, 2012, 07:50 AM
    JudyKayTee
    My experience is you yell at the top of your lungs, "Get away from me!" This works very well when it's a man harassing a woman. I don't know it would be any different with a man and a man.
  • Jun 18, 2012, 09:25 AM
    girlwithadream1
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    Tell a stalker that you want to be friends? What?
    Kind of. To know his personal details.. Like you're using him..
  • Jun 18, 2012, 09:28 AM
    JudyKayTee
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by girlwithadream1 View Post
    Kinda. To know his personal details.. Like you're using him..

    I'm an investigator - showing ANY interest in him is the very worst idea in the World. I repeat - scream, call the Police.

    DO NOT show any interest, make any contact with a stalker.

    If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
  • Jun 18, 2012, 09:33 AM
    Jon1970
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by JudyKayTee View Post
    I'm an investigator - showing ANY interest in him is the very worst idea in the World. I repeat - scream, call the Police.

    DO NOT show any interest, make any contact with a stalker.

    If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
    I am 41. I think I made a mistake. He kind of scared me so at the spur of the moment I ran out. I should have very forcefully told him to leave me alone and called the police. I think I will if he ever comes there again. The nightclub is a rather small venue that is popular with us older people in their 40's so there is not many people there. That is why I was easy to spot. Not a gay club by any means so not sure what he had in mind going to a straight club to find people, especially when I had already told him I was not gay or bisexual and had no interest in that.
  • Jun 18, 2012, 09:54 AM
    JudyKayTee
    I think continuing to have contact with him led him in the wrong direction.
  • Jun 18, 2012, 09:55 AM
    ScottGem
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jon1970 View Post
    I think I made a mistake. He kind of scared me so at the spur of the moment I ran out..
    Yes that was a mistake, but I can understand how it caught you unawares. But yes, if he shows again get security to detain while the police are called.

    And ignore girlwithadream1's advice. She obviously lives in a dream world, not the real one.

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