Ask Me Help Desk - I'm taking a poll

I've already asked the questions I needed answered about my ex and her child raising methods. Now I just actually want to get a count from as many people as possible. I just want everybody to answer with a simple yes or no to these three Questions. Question#1- Is it acceptable for a 4 year old child to sleep in his mothers bed? Question#2- won't this harm the child's development as far as being independent and not needy. Question #3- Is it acceptable for a 4 year old child to go to bed at 11:30 at night? A simple yes or no to these three question would be appreciated! As I've said, I just want an actual count of the people agree or disagree with these questions. Thank you! Much appreciated!

An occasional night, those bad dream times, at leats till they go back to sleep and are carried back to bed, the child is 4 they will need some extra reinforcement at times.

No and yes, anything can harm and anything can help, it is to what extreme, every night, I would have an issue, a couple nights here and there, I don't see an issue.

Depends on what time the four year old has to get up, are they still getting that 8 to 10 hours of sleep, 11:30 is OK if the child does not have to get up till 9 am or so. It is not the time but the hours of sleep and the routine.

I will be honest, our family is a latter night family, and it is not uncommm for our 6 year old to stay up to 11.
But we also homeschool and my wife is a stay at home wife ( except for him music performing) So they may not be getting up till 8 to 9 and a few times latter. So they get plenty of sleep.

Now me out at 5 am may not be getting all my sleep.

Did you have a previous post on why you are asking these questions? With all due respect, my initial reaction to this post is that you are securing ammunition. The ex-wife and you should do whatever it takes to establish a mature respectful relationship towards each other, for the sake of your son. Instruct your son in words and by your actions to love and respect your ex-wife and your ex-wife should do likewise. I will answer your questions, for the sake of your "poll." Question #1: Yes, as I suspect there is a logical explanation and reason. Question #2: No, not providing a loving, positive, environment will stunt your son's development. Question #3: Without knowing the circumstances, on why this is his regular bedtime = 99% of the time, Iand when he has to awake in the morning, one cannot give a yes or no answer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kinfrox

I've already asked the questions I needed answered about my ex and her child raising methods. Now I just actually want to get a count from as many people as possible. I just want everybody to answer with a simple yes or no to these three Questions. Question#1- Is it acceptable for a 4 year old child to sleep in his mothers bed? Question#2- won't this harm the childs development as far as being independent and not needy. Question #3- Is it acceptable for a 4 year old child to go to bed at 11:30 at night? A simple yes or no to these three question would be appreciated! As I've said, I just want an actual count of the people agree or disagree with these questions. Thank you! Much appreciated!

I previously posted a reply to your request for people to answer your 3 questions regarding your concerns over how your ex-wife is raising your four year old son, and came upon this post regarding your "big mess" with your girlfriend and how she is raising her four year old son.

Kinfrox In a big mess! -------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello, I'm in a big mess and need a lot of help. I'm a 28 yr. old man who is dating a woman with a 4 yr. old child. The problem is, I was brought up in a very middle class household, and was brought up as such. I had many rules and guidelines I had to follow as a child. I think it has molded me into a responsible, repectful adult. My girlfriend was brought up the opposite. She was spoiled as a child in a upperclass family. My problem is this. I see her spoiling her child and not enforcing many rules. I have a huge problem with this!! I could be wrong here, but in my experience children who are raised this way turn out to be big brats for a lack of a better word. I'm not asking for much. The main problems I have have to do with bedtime, eating, spoiling. First, he's 4yrs. Old and he goes to bed anywhere between 11:30 and 12:30 every night! This drives me insane! I think a nine o'clock bedtime is about right. Secondly, when we sit down to eat, she feeds him! Again, he's 4. I have 2 year old cousins who feed themselves! Lastly, she rarely says no to his requests. For example, whenever they go to the store, she has gotten so used to always buying him something, that he expects it now. He is constantly asking for things and if she says "no" which is very rare, he throws an absolute tantrum! I just see this heading for disaster! I care very much for her, and I have told her about my concerns. When I tell her, she gets defensive and thinks I'm trying to tell her how to parent. I guess I am telling her how to parent. I feel like saying " god, can you not see all this!" You are really screwing your child up for later in life!" I don't tell her that, but I think it. Should I just let her go or what? Are my feelings about her parenting offbase? If she knows how I feel and doesn't change any of it, is this a hint of what is to come later in our relationship. Her not respecting my opinion about other things? I know a lot of questions! Someone please help!

Quote:

Originally Posted by kinfrox

I've already asked the questions I needed answered about my ex and her child raising methods. Now I just actually want to get a count from as many people as possible. I just want everybody to answer with a simple yes or no to these three Questions. Question#1- Is it acceptable for a 4 year old child to sleep in his mothers bed? Question#2- won't this harm the childs development as far as being independent and not needy. Question #3- Is it acceptable for a 4 year old child to go to bed at 11:30 at night? A simple yes or no to these three question would be appreciated! As I've said, I just want an actual count of the people agree or disagree with these questions. Thank you! Much appreciated!

It is completely unfair for you to say that it has to be a yes or no answer. There is no such thing as a complete yes, or a complete no answer because it all depends on the circumstances for some of these questions.

1) Yes/No
2) Yes/No
3) No

I don't really think this is a fair poll - because you are going to take whatever you find and use to bolster some argument you have. It would be nice to hear the other side of the coin. But I will answer purely in generalized terms.

1. No, it is not always right for a four year old to sleep in his mother's bed. Note, I said not always.

2. Yes, continued sleeping in mom's bed can causes later problems in emotional development.

3. No, it is not acceptable for a 4 yr to go to bed at 11:30 at night. What time in the day does this child get up? Noon? When he starts school, that is going to be a problem.

If you shares these concerns with your ex, it would be appropriate for you both to see a family therapist and discuss your concerns. In fact, I do not know why you have not done that yet. If she refuses to go, then you go.

kinfrox,

I am taking my own poll just for you. It has to be a yes and no answers with explanations.

1) Do you think that you are a deceitful person?

2) Do you know that you should have provided information on your personal situation? Like links to previous posts?

3) Do you honestly think a poll is going to convince anybody to do things differently?

4) Do you see yourself as a controlling person and only want things done your way?

5) Do you think my poll is fair to you? It does not really matter which way you answer this because your poll was not fair for anybody.

Thank you for completing my poll when you answer these questions I will tell you the true answers to every one of them.

Joe

Quote:

Originally Posted by kinfrox

I've already asked the questions I needed answered about my ex and her child raising methods. Now I just actually want to get a count from as many people as possible. I just want everybody to answer with a simple yes or no to these three Questions. Question#1- Is it acceptable for a 4 year old child to sleep in his mothers bed? Question#2- won't this harm the childs development as far as being independent and not needy. Question #3- Is it acceptable for a 4 year old child to go to bed at 11:30 at night? A simple yes or no to these three question would be appreciated! As I've said, I just want an actual count of the people agree or disagree with these questions. Thank you! Much appreciated!

Yes

Okay, Kinfrox, first I thought that you two were together, then I find out you have been split up for two months, now you want to know this. Are you a manipulative person by nature?

Now, to answer your questions, and, guess what, it will not be a simple yes or no answer, but I will get as simple as possible.

1) Yes, in some cultures the entire family sleeps together until the children are older. So, yes, in some cultures it is okay.

2) Read answer to question #1.

3) As long as he gets 8 - 10 hours of sleep a night there is no problem.

So, kinfrox, if you are broken up with this girl, why do you care? If you are not married to her why do you care?