Me and my ex were together for 3 years and through that period he had repeatedly spoke to other girls behind my back. He got them to send him nude photographs, and spoke dirty to them. I have had friends tell me they had seen him with other girls in clubs and kissing them. All of this had shattered my trust in him, I would go to leave him but I wasn't strong enough so I stayed in the relationship.

Anyway, recently I decided to end it with him because what's a relationship without trust? I moved 300 miles away from Essex to help me get over him. However I always think of him. At night I would lay and cry and think about everything we had been through together. We were talking about getting engaged and starting a family. We had been trying for a baby since Jan, this year.

A few days ago I spoke to a girl that he is now 'seeing'. It breaks my heart because she has a child and he will be bringing it up with her. I can't help but think I made the wrong decision by ending our relationship. I seriously need some advise because although I get it from my sister (the closest person to me) I need someone that I don't know to help me!

Easy: you are in love with someone who doesn't exist, someone who is faithful and good father material and trustworthy. He ISN'T. Nothing you hope for or dream about is going to make him be something he isn't. He doesn't exist! You are in love with the memory of what you thought you knew about him when you first met.

: Erm I don't understand, how can I think that he don't exist? I know he does so I don't know how this will help..

You will get over this guy. You sound like a really sweet girl with a lot to offer. This man betrayed you trust, and without trust there can't be anything. My advice it to cut him out completely, delete him off all social media programs you have an account with (facebook, myspace, ect), delete and throw away any contact info for him. And if you have any friends that associate with him, tell them they need to not bring him up around you at all, if they can't do that you might need to distance yourself from them as well. This is the time for you to live your life for you. It won't be easy but trust me it gets better, a lot better.

Aww thank you for commenting on my post! What you have said has helped a lot.. The thing is, I done everything for my ex he meant the world to me, and I just kept getting hurt! I told him I had no trust but he didn't think much of it. Its like paper, when its screwed up, its never perfect again.. I find him hard to cut off.. I blocked him off Facebook, then unblocked him a few days later. Its like I need to know what he is doing- that sounds so obsessive! Although I have realised I have more if a social life now I have moved away from him.. I go out and have fun, compared to when I was with him I went out like once a month if that. What do I do with the gifts he has gave me? E.g. Teddies and bits.. I hope things get better. I feel like..

You don't need to get rid of those things, but just for now put the gifts he gave you in a box, and put that box somewhere don't go. When your ready you can decide if you want to keep them or not. As for feeling like you "need" to know what he's doing, I can empathize with you. You two were so close for so long, losing him is like losing a part of yourself. But you need to be strong and stay out of his life for YOUR sake. What he does can't be a priority to you anymore, trust me it will only hurt you :(

Okay, I will get everything he gave me and put them in a suitcase! And how will I know I'm ready to look at them again? Won't it instantly upset me and make me feel rubbish again? I won't want to work so hard to get over him, then have a rush of emotions come back! Yeah I can see that's true about him being a part of me- because the 3years was my longest relationship and he was my world, I gave all my friends up for him and everything. Okay, so now he has got a new girl, how do I make him NOT a priority? I feel the urge to see what he is doing.. And every now and then he will text me to see how I am, I put on a brave face but it kills me! Every time I do or hear something, e.g. A song we played together, makes me hurt more and more!.

Yes you will go through all those emotions trying to heal, and move on, so put things away, and don't go back to those old memories and torturing yourself. Ignore his texts and tell him to leave you alone.

Honestly, throw the stuff he gave you away or sell it. You don't move 300 miles away from someone just to keep things that'll remind you of them.

So the guy cheats on you and start another relationship while you two are together, and yet you still believe that YOU made the wrong choice?

Wow, you need to learn to have some self respect for yourself, that guy doesn't love you, I would go as far to say he really doesn't even like you, just played with your emotions to get what he wants (sex). It is time to go no contact, time to move on, be thankful that you did not get pregnant by this prick.

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to mmresd again.


I agree with mmresd. What is there to think leaving him was a mistake. The guy is a lying cheating jerk. Get over it and be glad you are not having to deal with him anymore.

You know you are over him when you can think about him and feel nothing at all. All feelings (including bad ones) are a sure sing that you are not over him. Once you are apathetic towards him, you know you will be ready to take the stuff from the suitcase. As for getting him out of your head, that will be harder. You need to make new friends, this will be a bit tricky, but I suggest getting involved in activities like the gym, rock climbing, football (or soccer dipending on where your from), etc... the point is it has to be a physical activitie. This will serve multiple bonuses, being active makes you feel better, the exercise will keep you in shape, and you will find new people to associate with who have no connection to you past. Next spend time on yourself, take the effort to look good! Get a makeover, new hair, makeup, outfits, etc... this is important, looking good will subconsciously improve yourself worth. This is the time to rebuild the relationship with yourself, and learn to love yourself again. Finely every time you think about you ex, drive that thought from you mind, focus on something else instead. This will be impossible at first but keep at it and soon you will be able to do it. Sorry for the long post, I hope it helps you.

By the sounds of things he had control over you, no matter what he did you weren't strong enough to leave, that's an obsession sort of how I feel about my ex, he treated me crap and I went back and back time and time again, I miss him everyday but love is so so blindd, I don't have a solution to your problem. What I will say is good luck to this girl that he's seeing if she has a child I bet she won't be able to go out and be with him on his night outs when he's out kissing other girls etc.

My ex and his girlfriend have recently just moved in together and it kills me hence the reason I'm on here, I like to read some of these posts because it reassures me I'm not the only one hurting. We will get there and find the one xx

I think that what joypuli means is that you are keeping alive memories of this person that are not real. They come from what you had known when you first got to know each other. That person wasn't the real version of the guy you were with because if it was he would not have been unfaithful to you or have treated you the way he did. So the guy you remember as your ex is not who your ex really is.

It is always hard to get over someone you have loved, especially when you have been intimate and planned a future together. The truth is though that if he had been right for you it would have worked out; you wouldn't have felt the need to leave and he wouldn't have been unfaithful. Clearly, if you felt the only thing you could do was leave as your relationship had no trust then you know deep inside that the relationship was not right for you, and that he was not right for you.

You will get over your ex, just give it time. Stop seeing him as the person you thought he was, and face up to who he really is. Also, ask yourself if this guy is really worth it. You were together for three years, he cheated on you and now he has gotten into a ready made family whilst you still miss him and feel awful about the split; do his actions show respect for you? If he finds it that easy to replace someone he has loved is that the sort of person you want?

It also sounds to me like you are feeling some "dumper's remorse". You left him so you feel that you should have control over what happens next. You will most likely feel guilty about leaving him, you will wonder if you weren't making a huge fuss over nothing after all, and if it would have been better to forgive his transgressions. Basically, you will most likely feel that you have made a really big mistake. Remember though that this isn't you speaking! This is the voice of your emotions, your insecurities, your worries, and listening to their advice causes nothing but trouble. If you honestly felt that breaking the relationship was the best thing to do, which you must given you moved 300 miles away from him, then anything else that pops up afterwards is immaterial. Trust yourself that you have made the right decision!

The best thing to remember is that heartbreak really sucks but is an excellent learning curve. It is okay to make to mistakes about the people we date, befriend or even live with; we are, after all, only human! You may feel hurt now, but in a few years you will look back and be grateful for what has happened.

Keep looking at the positives in life, learn from everything you do and accept that it is okay if things don't go how you expected them to. Life is unpredictable so why should relationships be any different? This is not negative though, it is positive and exhilarating; it gives you a chance to live your life your way, not how you feel it should be lived.

I am going through a similar thing to you at the moment and I can honestly tell you that nine months since my split from the partner I was living with, I can honestly say that I now know it was for the best that we are no longer together. I am happily single and enjoying my life. I sometimes feel rubbish about what happened and as it was someone I loved those feelings will never fully go away, but what matters most is how I react to them. Don't let your feelings rule your head because your head is usually right.

Wishing you all the very best for moving on and loving life. Xxxx

I think what it means is that you are in love with the man you think he can be, not the man he is. I am going through the same thing right now. My guy is great. For seven years all I focused on was the good things and I practically made him a saint. He's not. When we finally split, because he couldn't commit, after 7 years of promises, he still couldn't commit; I was given the advise to really think about his behavior towards me, was he really that great? No... When he stresses about money, he talks to me like a jerk, he takes his anger for other people out on me. He blames me for someone attacking me (the way I act must have made the guy think I was interested, or maybe I was interested and then I felt guilty.) are you kinding? I almost get raped and he blames me. But I let it go, because it upset him. I went into a depression after the attack and then he was mad at me for not being the same fun loving person. After that every time I would want to go out, he wasn't interested and he would give me a hard time about going without him, no matter what it was. He was afraid I would put myself in a situation that I couldn't get myself out of. Just excuses to control me and change me and then complain about me changing.

Your story is obviously different. It sounds like your ex was more obvious, not sneaky controlling like my was. Your guy was out and out cheating on you. Rememberthat. How could he really be the perfect guy if he is running with other girls? He had you sitting home trying to get pregnant, and where was he? Maybe setting up his next girl.