My grand daughter, age 3, says that she takes a shower with her dad. The father has had a history of watching pornography, but denies that he does that anymore. She displayed a very explicit sexual behavior when playing with her 2 year old sister when she told her to pull up her shirt and lay down, she then pulled up her shirt and got in a position of kneeling, had a trusting motion and made a moaning sound while doing this. The dad has displayed and acted on sexual impropiety in the past in his adult relationships. He became involved with my daughter when he was 26 and she was 18 taking her to his apartment from a party where she was intoxicated. He was her superior at her job and they became involved and she got pregnant shortly after. They lived together and she became pregnant with their 2nd child. He was previously married and had an 8 year old daughter. My daughter married him. They were married a year which during that time he maintained a relationship with his ex-wife and former girlfriends. They separated as a result at which time he had sexual relations with his ex-wife who was married and pregnant raising questions of who was the father. When questioned about the sexual display that the 3 year old was doing, he denied that he was Witnessing this behavior (more than once) she had to have some exposure to something very graphic. Is there reason for concern that he showers with her. My daughter has too however seems that this is more acceptable with same sex and her age. What do I do?

Sounds as if the Dad is innocent of any wrong doing but it is not really proper behavior. It also sounds like the 3 year old is emulating something she has seen. Now that is a BIG PROBLEM.
Someone needs to have a very serious talk with that man,, probably should be by a social worker from CPS.

Maybe have a talk with dad? Or family counceling.

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Originally Posted by rehaber

My grand daughter, age 3, says that she takes a shower with her dad. The father has had a history of watching pornography, but denies that he does that anymore. She displayed a very explicit sexual behavior when playing with her 2 year old sister when she told her to pull up her shirt and lay down, she then pulled up her shirt and got in a position of kneeling, had a trusting motion and made a moaning sound while doing this. The dad has displayed and acted on sexual impropiety in the past in his adult relationships. He became involved with my daughter when he was 26 and she was 18 taking her to his apartment from a party where she was intoxicated. He was her superior at her job and they became involved and she got pregnant shortly after. They lived together and she became pregnant with their 2nd child. He was previously married and had an 8 year old daughter. My daughter married him. They were married a year which during that time he maintained a relationship with his ex-wife and former girlfriends. They separated as a result at which time he had sexual relations with his ex-wife who was married and pregnant raising questions of who was the father. When questioned about the sexual display that the 3 year old was doing, he denied that he was Witnessing this behavior (more than once) she had to have some exposure to something very graphic. Is there reason for concern that he showers with her. My daughter has too however seems that this is more acceptable with same sex and her age. What do I do?

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I have no idea what his age, your daughter's age, his previous marriage, their separation, whether he has sex with other women or previous partners has to do with this. Maybe he looks bad in all of this, but your daughter doesn't look terribly responsible, either. I realize you don't like him - that's very clear. But what does this have to do with the child's inappropriate behavior?

I see absolutely no connection between watching porno and molesting or abusing a child, none at all. Those are two different topics.

What would I do? I'd have your daughter take the child to the Pediatrician. Let the Pediatrician decide whether a social worker or someone in another field should talk to the child, evaluate her.

I would be very careful that you are addressing his behavior with the child, the child's behavior with her sister and NOT what he may or may not have done that you felt was inappropriate in the past.

Keep it about the child. If the child's mother thinks it is inappropriate for him to shower with the child have her talk to him OR, as I said, get the child evaluated.

You have no idea what the child sees or has seen on TV - not necessarily porno.

So he had sex with 18 year old women, and he likes I would assume adult porn ( perhaps 90 percent or more men watch some amounts of porn and almost all have watched some at some point and time)

Watching porn and taking legal aged women younger than you do not mean you would be a child molester.

If he has a shower and not a tub, perhaps the only way he can wash her is in the shower and he has to be in there to wash her. If I remember correctly 3 year old children have to be washed. And you have seen him do this naked, not with swim trunks on perhaps ?

But even so, many cultures at these ages family bathing is not uncommon at all.

Men when they have little girls have to take them into mens bath rooms also, and guess what men are urinating at the urinals, ( they are open and can be seen)

Nothing you have said shows any issue, and often what they act out comes from late night TV, or having seen mom or dad ( if together) or mom or dad with someone when they thought they were asleep in other room