My girlfriend has never had a massive sex drive however now, 13 months on (and approx. 4 months prior to her giving birth) our sex life has totally gone. I have tried to get intimate but she does not want to know anymore.

Please note that she makes no effort to even try to ensure I am looked after in any way (sexually). Apparently she has seen a doctor who has said her thyroid levels are normal, however the doctor has come up with no solutions to help us.
Someone please suggest some clear advice as I'm coming close to leaving as I am beginning to get very angry and starting to resent her. (I can't help this)

I even doubt whether she even finds me attractive anymore, as she makes no efforts. (Please note I make massive efforts to cook dinners and household chores including looking after our little boy)

I've asked her if she wants someone else or even asking her if there is an underlying question to her sexuality.
Every month is rolling by and nothing is changing for the better, I feel like her best mate not her boyfriend.

SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME SERIOUS CLEAR ADVICE.

Thanks for reading

I know you must feel neglected from this (I sometimes feel the same, I have a much higher sex drive than my boyfriend) but have you spoken to her away from the bedroom about this? As you can imagine, although you help out a lot, she must be feeling the strain from having the baby and general day to day living. She may have lost confidence in her body, therefore killing any libido she may have.

are you intimate in other ways? Eg, lots of cuddling, kissing and compliments? They do wonders to a woman's self confidence.

although you are feeling resentful towards her, try to look at things from her perspective. Her body has changed in many ways, she may not out sex to the top of her to do list. Amny women don't see it as a priority when there are many more things to do!

best advice I can give is have a sit down and talk through it. If she doesn't know there is a problem, it can't be fixed!

good luck =)

Hi Lauren,

I really appreciate your advice here, in regards to your questions yes I am constantly giving her complimets on the way she looks despite her not being happy about her weight. I understand what your saying regards the changes to life and body after a baby, although it doesn't seem to make sense that she is chucking away the special relationship we once had. Im no longer the happy fella that used to make her laugh and have fun. Ive told her that her distance from me in every way has been the cause in my changing of personality. I really did try for the first 4/7 months but no have just given up trying as I feel its all one way traffic.
In answer to your question about have I tried speking with her openly outside of the bedroom and the answer is yes many times but she promises she will do something by seeing a therapist but months roll by and she does nothing except talk and no actions.
I really feel like she is taking my loyality and love for granted. If roles were reversed Im pretty sure I would TRY to move heaven and mountains to try and save the love and loyalty of her.
Thanks for your time,

Andrew

You could be correct in thinking she is taking you for granted. On the other hand there may be some transference going on here in that she is satisfied in just loving your child.

Does she have a problem with body image that you know of? Does she still undress in your presence? Maybe in her mind she is afraid you don't find her attractive any longer.

Just grasping at straws here, Andrew

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Originally Posted by tickle

You could be correct in thinking she is taking you for granted. On the other hand there may be some transference going on here in that she is satisfied in just loving your child.

Does she have a problem with body image that you know of? Does she still undress in your presence? Maybe in her mind she is afraid you don't find her attractive any longer.

Just grasping at straws here, Andrew

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Yes she does have an issue with the way she looks and I just wish I had a pound for every time Ive said to her how amazing she looks and how much I fancy her. Nothing seems to affect, she will do her best to get changed away from me rather than in my prescence.

I am amazed that she can see and hear my cry for help to save what we've got but she doesn't seem to at least try. That's what makes me angry, we never fight or argue, and we are always nice to each other i.e like best mates, but I don't want that I want the cloesness back and to have love.

Do you think you can get her to counselling? I almost never suggest counselling hoping a third party doesn't have to be involved. Speak to your doctor and get a referral. Whst country are you in?

There is something that you miss, and should consider, she may have concerns about not having another child at this time. I don't know your ages, nor whether she works, or stays home, but females have their own ideas about things like spacing of children, using and not using birth control, and when.

So what are the plans for family size, and does she have a career? Maybe she has more on her mind, or she has just started on birth control. Its all nice to help around the house and compliment her, but I think you ask the wrong questions as it may be she is terrified of being pregnant again, so I suggest instead of making this about your needs, you find out about hers.

Sometimes the body heals before the mind does, and she needs more time. Give it to her, and get your minds reconnected. You can learn much because things change after a life changing event like bringing forth a life. Often we miss the right adjustments when we are frustrated.

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Originally Posted by tickle

Do you think you can get her to counselling? I almost never suggest counselling hoping a third party doesn't have to be involved. Speak to your doctor and get a referral. Whst country are you in?

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Hi thanks for your advise, this is what she said she has tried to do for the last 6/7 months but that's all she ever does is talk, she has seemed to get the appointment as its not happened, she says she is very reluctant and hates the thought of baring all to a stranger. However I cannot relate to this as I would move heaven and earth to save a relationship. It's a shame she doesn't have the same method of thought.
Thanks for your time and help.ps we are in London

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

There is something that you miss, and should consider, she may have concerns about not having another child at this time. I don't know your ages, nor whether she works, or stays home, but females have their own ideas about things like spacing of children, using and not using birth control, and when.

So what are the plans for family size, and does she have a career? Maybe she has more on her mind, or she has just started on birth control. Its all nice to help around the house and compliment her, but I think you ask the wrong questions as it may be she is terrified of being pregnant again, so I suggest instead of making this about your needs, you find out about hers.

Sometimes the body heals before the mind does, and she needs more time. Give it to her, and get your minds reconnected. You can learn much because things change after a life changing event like bringing forth a life. Often we miss the right adjustments when we are frustrated.

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I understand what your saying, however she started back on the pill shortly after giving birth, and says she is not concerned as to whether she has another child or not Im truly just amazed as to how much of a change this is to a mind set/ and relationship when the physical side disappears.She is back to work but now only part time, and it is not a high flying job just hr work. Everything else is normal except loving and closeness. I just don't understand how you can just totally lose and form of want to be intimate, in any kind of way. I feel its one way traffic.
Thank you for the advice and helping to look from other aspects/angles.