I am currently in a relationship with a man who is the father of my unborn child and he has expressed that the only way he will support me is if I have an abortion. Unfortunately because of my moral belief and standing I cannot bring myself to do this, and he knows this. We had a discussion about it and we had decided that we would give our unborn child up for adoption. We are currently between homes, neither of us has any form of income, and because of mistakes I made before I met him I do not have my high school diploma. We are currently living in LaCrosse, Wisconsin, we are both 19 (I just turned and he will be 20 this fall). He has refused to help with any part of the adoption process and whenever I have mentioned him voluntarily terminating his rights he has threatened to walk out on me. He has also made comments in anger about me just leaving the baby in the hospital, or me taking a tumble so things can go back to normal. I have had one miscarriage and he knows this, it is a major part of the reason I won't have an abortion and knowing that I will be giving up this baby is going to have a massive negative effect on my psyche. Seeing as I already feel as though I'm losing another child. Our relationship has become so volatile that whether I had an abortion I do not feel as though we will be staying together, not so much a matter of if as it is of when. So is there any way for me to proceed with an adoption without his consent or a termination of his rights?

The father HAS to consent to the adoption in order for it to take place - or else he could come back in the future and disrupt the lives of the child and the adoptive parents. I'm sure you don't want that. He will be notified by the Court and then he can give his consent to the adoption. You HAVE to put his name on the birth certificate or you are committing fraud.

IF he is threatening you ("taking a tumble") or anything else you MUST go the Police.

Can you get away from him?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

The father HAS to consent to the adoption in order for it to take place - or else he could come back in the future and disrupt the lives of the child and the adoptive parents. I'm sure you don't want that. He will be notified by the Court and then he can give his consent to the adoption. You HAVE to put his name on the birth certificate or you are committing fraud.

IF he is threatening you ("taking a tumble") or anything else you MUST go the Police.

Can you get away from him?

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Unfortunately the only other place I could go he introduced me to the people and he often visits them. I also don't know that they would even still welcome me in their home if I left him. I can't go to any of my family in the area, because the have all disowned me. So unless I'm going to survive on the streets I don't have anywhere else to go. He won't directly threaten me but he will say things like I hope you fall down the stairs, or I hope you get jumped and kicked/punched in the stomach.

Go to a homeless shelter, he has no rights till the baby is born, so you do not need permission to kill the child before it is born.

You need to get away from this man as fast as you can and as soon as you can. He does not have job, is not supporting you, and even sounds dangerous.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Go to a homeless shelter, he has no rights till the baby is born, so you do not need permission to kill the child before it is born.

You need to get away from this man as fast as you can and as soon as you can. He does not have job, is not supporting you, and even sounds dangerous.

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That's the thing I want to give the baby up for adoption. HE'S the one that wants the abortion. He wasn't like this until I told him that I refused to have an abortion. Since I have already stayed LaCrosse's Salvation Army I'm not allowed back until November. Under LaCrosse law I'm not experiencing "domestic violence" so I'm not eligible to go to New Horizons, and my only other option would be Gerard Hall, and they are already over capacity. So I would be on the streets. I can't go forward with an adoption unless I am the sole guardian or he will fill out the paperwork. He has already said that he will not come to the hospital when I have the baby either.

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Originally Posted by almostsinglemom

Unfortunately the only other place I could go he introduced me to the people and he often visits them. I also don't know that they would even still welcome me in their home if I left him. I can't go to any of my family in the area, because the have all disowned me. So unless I'm going to survive on the streets I don't have anywhere else to go. He won't directly threaten me but he will say things like I hope you fall down the stairs, or I hope you get jumped and kicked/punched in the stomach.

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I would get in touch with my family and beg if you need to - this is no way to live.

I actually know someone affiliated with a very helpful Church in your area - how serious are you about this? She no longer posts on AMHD but I could find her if I needed to.

Have you called Catholic Charities? 3710 East Ave South La Crosse, WI 54601 (608) 782-0710 -- Welcome to Catholic Charities of the Diocese of La Crosse, Wisconsin

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I would get in touch with my family and beg if you need to - this is no way to live.

I actually know someone affiliated with a very helpful Church in your area - how serious are you about this? She no longer posts on AMHD but I could find her if I needed to.

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I have begged my family and it was made painfully clear that if I contacted any of them in any way again I would be receiving a restraining order. I am serious about the adoption, I have already begun looking into a few agencies and just need to find a way to retain an adoption attorney, then pick a family. But any additional help would be both greatly appreciated and not un-needed.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Have you called Catholic Charities? 3710 East Ave South La Crosse, WI 54601 (608) 782-0710 -- Welcome to Catholic Charities of the Diocese of La Crosse, Wisconsin

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I have no phone, so all contact with agencies is done on the computer through my email. Since I have computer access through the libraries in my area.

Let me get in touch with her -

IF you find an Attorney that Attorney may very well be able to arrange to have your living expenes paid. That is not the least bit unusual.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Let me get in touch with her -

IF you find an Attorney that Attorney may very well be able to arrange to have your living expenes paid. That is not the least bit unusual.

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I've been looking, it's just difficult since the only way I have of getting anywhere is by foot. So it gets very difficult to go places outside of the city, and there aren't many adoption attorneys here, let alone the county. Not that I have access to any of the ones outside of the city unless I'm going to walk for a few hours, mostly on the highways.

Here's their email address --

Catholic Charities
La Crosse
3710 East Ave. South
La Crosse, WI 54602-0266
Ph 608-782-0710
Fax 608-782-0702
Toll Free 1-888-212-HELP
(1-888-212-4357)
[email protected]

Adoption services are offered along with transitional housing, counseling, crisis management, etc. Helping you with transportation should be on their radar too..

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Here's their email address --

Catholic Charities
La Crosse
3710 East Ave. South
La Crosse, WI 54602-0266
Ph 608-782-0710
Fax 608-782-0702
Toll Free 1-888-212-HELP
(1-888-212-4357)
[email protected]

Adoption services are offered along with transitional housing, counseling, crisis management, etc. Helping you with transportation should be on their radar too..

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Thank you I will e-mail them right away

If you don't get an email back, let me know and I will call them.

You have to either get him to voluntarily terminate his rights, or he has to be PROVEN unfit for his rights to be terminated against his wishes. Of course, you could always say that if he will NOT terminate his rights, you'll go after him for the full extent of child support.

In any case, you NEED to get out of this relationship.

Lutheran Social Services is another service that may be able to help you--I am a birthmother that went through them for my adoption. They have a web contact form---here: LSSWis - Lutheran Social ServicesContact Us

If Catholic Charities doesn't work out, and you need me to call, please let me know and I will do so.

Adoption is HARD. You will NEED counseling. I sincerely doubt that I could EVER go through adoption again. The process involves a form of extreme grieving---essentially, your child "dies" so that another couple's child can be "born"---and society is horribly unhelpful with that grieving process.

I am not trying to discourage you--I know that every woman has to make her own choice and it's NEVER an easy choice. Only YOU know what's best for you and your child.

Let us know what else we can do to help you.

Okay - the answer to me is that Wisconsin is a very large State. My friend recommend this site for info: Index page for WIC project listings

(Thanks, "This," you always come through!)

Well last night some interesting things happened. I figured you have all been so helpful and so supportive that I wanted to give you all an update. Well I guess I should start at the beginning, so last night I had just finished making dinner for myself my baby's father and our roommates, when my younger sister showed up and wanted to talk to me. I had been nauseous for a while that evening and so I wasn't feeling the best. Well me and my sister left the apartment to talk and after walking halfway out of the alley to turn onto the block I started coughing fairly badly. Well my baby sister made me go to the hospital, and they hadn't known for sure if I was pregnant or not so I played it off as though I didn't either. So at the hospital she has me get the cough checked out and a pregnancy test done. It came back that I have bronchitis as well as I already knew, a positive pregnancy test. Well my little sister calls our older sister while she was in the waiting room, and when she was allowed back into the exam room I filled her in on how my baby's father had been acting even more. She left the room to fill in my older sister, who then called our mother and they told me to come home. So through a bizarre change of heart, I have been able to escape my abusive baby's father and somehow by the grace of god himself welcomed back home, and into my family.

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Originally Posted by almostsinglemom

somehow by the grace of god himself welcomed back home, and into my family.

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That's terrific! Now, keep us informed as to how that goes and what happens next with you.

Oh and the really good part is that they said that if I would go back to school they would do everything they could to support me so I could keep my baby, which before I hadn't even thought of as really being an option. :)

And the baby will have aunties and uncles and a grandma too. And his real mom! And you will get a diploma or degree?