I just found out that my ex husband is not the father of our daughter. He had a home test taken and sent me the results. Back when I found out that I was pregnant I told him that there was a slight possibility that he was not the father, but that he most likely was, that was the end of that conversation. He is now stating that I told him a DNA test was done, which was never the case. Our daughter was born in 1998, he was there for her birth, cut the cord, and put his name on the birth certificate, Once she was born I moved in with him. In 2000 we were married, in 2004 we were divorced. I feel that had this ever been an issue he had many opportunities to have a paternity test taken. He has since filed papers to remove himself as her father and end support. I requested that a legally binding test be taken which has been and came back the same way, It is quite apparent that he no longer wants to be here father. I filed my request for an extension to respond until the test came back, I filed Pro Se, I know have 30 days to respond, I do not want to fight him on removing his name, but do I have the right to have the State of Florida determine if he should be responsible for her any longer, I can not afford an attorney, I have had to remove her from her school and place her in another school that does not meet the standards to what she has been use to. His mother stated that she will help me, but I probably can’t even do that know that I have to pay rent. He has told me that if I do not play nice and drag this out then I will not receive anymore help. His mother does hold her Pre Paid College fund in her name, if I continues this what I am afraid of them taking that away from her. It is apparent that I have made bad choices in life, but this little girl should not have to pay for them. He has kept her in the best school in the nation since she was in PK4 up until this year which was her 8th grade year. And a better then average life style that was not required by our settlement, he did go above and beyond. He helped me raise a wonderful child. Our divorce agreement (child support) states that I was to remain in the martial home (which his name is on, not mine) until she turns 18 and the I would have to leave. Once he found out he was not the father he gave me 30 days to vacate, and bullied me out of the home, I was not able to get everything out within the time and he had one of his workers move me out and bring my things to my office and left them there.

She does not know this is happening either.

Also on another note, I do know where the father is, he is happily married with two beautiful children of his own, and I have mixed feelings about telling him

What a super sad and troubling situation, but I can somewhat relate.

My now husband is is the same situation, only the other way around. He found out 4 years ago he conceived a daughter during our 8 year relationship to a woman who was married to whom she believed was the father. Well, my husband received a call one day from her crying and requesting a blood test-behind her husband's back. Not to scare you one bit, but here's the reality- since the biological father is now married with children, if he's happy with his wife, this situation is going to be severely devastating to that marriage. Every child in the world deserves truth, your daughter is no different. My husband's daughter is just 7, however, she will someday find out about the first 4 years of her life and how they were spent under another man's last name. Fortunately for my husband, I have embraced his daughter and will always treat her fairly, because none of the poor decisions by they parents are her fault. What I've seen with fathers who go through this situation is when the child is no longer a baby, its hard for them to bond and my husband still feels awkward at times because part of him feels he will never know what it was like to have her as a baby and bond with her only knowing him. Your situation is very complicated, I honestly feel sorry for your baby girl- god bless her! Because you were not married when you gave birth, It makes parting ways for your exhusband easier and non binding per court of law. Per the court, your daughter is not a child of the marriage and was conceived prior to the marriage. For your daughter to be as old as she is and then find out the truth will be so devastating and despite the other children being younger, she's going to feel like an outsider especially if her real dad isn't receptive of this situation. I know because I found out my dad wasn't my dad when I was 12 and it ruined me to this day and I'm now 38. In these situations, you heal, but you are NEVER the same. Just expect to see a change in your daughter once you tell her. I hope things work out for you. If you are a praying woman and mother, prayer should be your best friend right now. God bless!

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Originally Posted by dallen

Because you were not married when you gave birth, It makes parting ways for your exhusband easier and non binding per court of law. Per the court, your daughter is not a child of the marriage and was conceived prior to the marriage.

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This confused me - this is a legal thread and I truly don't understand what you are saying.

What?

To the person who asked - I'm not sure that this a question about law. If it's a question about whether to tell the child about her father, that's for another board, same with whether this will harm the father's marriage.

Your "ex" CANNOT go against a Court Order. If he was ordered to maintain the house for you until the child is 18 that's what he's ordered to do unless/until the COURT changes it. What will the Court do? I don't know - I also don't know where you are and it varies.

My opinion about telling your child - I'd certainly speak to a therapist or counsellor first.

And as far as notifying her "real" father - if your "ex" is not paying support he may need to. I personally wouldn't ring his doorbell but I would let him know.

That's the price when you have sex with a married woman, unfortunately.