There's this guy I've been friends with for about a year before this happened. I was convinced I really liked him. I confessed and he said he felt the same. We were pretty happy for a few weeks. Then it all went to hell. He started acting really possessive and needy, going as far as freaking out when he saw me around my friends and being extremely hostile toward them. He started to scare me so I started being a bit distant. That really set him off. He constantly prods me with questions about how important he is to me and talks about being with me every second. The way I describe sounds like any other situation but it feels more like a stalker situation. He said if he ever lost me he'd kill himself. He says it almost everyday. I don't think I can continue like this. I don't know what to do.

When we first are attracted to strangers, its really thrilling and exciting, but once we start to see their true nature and character, the thrill goes away. What you do is stay away from this unbalanced psycho, and make sure you have support around you who know he is a nut. Don't let him intimidate you with threats or bas behavior, just dump him, and protect yourself.

Family friends and any one in some authority can help, and the police if necessary. His actions are those of an abuser, and bully. They depend on intimidation, and secrecy. The more people who know what you are up against, the better.

Dump him. NOW!!

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Originally Posted by talaniman

When we first are attracted to strangers, its really thrilling and exciting, but once we start to see their true nature and character, the thrill goes away. What you do is stay away from this unbalanced psycho, and make sure you have support around you who know he is a nut. Don't let him intimidate you with threats or bas behavior, just dump him, and protect yourself.

Family friends and any one in some authority can help, and the police if necessary. His actions are those of an abuser, and bully. They depend on intimidation, and secrecy. The more people who know what you are up against, the better.

Dump him. NOW!!!

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But he isn't a stranger. He's been my friend for about two years. And he's only aggressive toward my friends, while he acts needy and neglected toward me. He's one of the least intimidating people you'd ever meet. I'm just worried about what he'll do to himself.

No he was a person you knew for two years but its different when you make a pact or commitment. That's when you found the real him, and why you need to worry about you and not him. If you fall for tactics like this, he will keep using them.

He is trying to isolate you and make you dependent on him.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

No he was a person you knew for two years but its different when you make a pact or commitment. Thats when you found the real him, and why you need to worry about you and not him. If you fall for tactics like this, he will keep using them.

He is trying to isolate you and make you dependent on him.

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I'm not sure you're listening... I think he's made it so he depends on me too much. He does try to isolate me because he feels like I might go after someone else, but he doesn't have any control over me. Like I said, I only worry about what he will do to himself.

I am not sure you are listening. When you stay in a relationship with a fellow that THREATENS to kill himself unless you stay with him, that's always a red flag to run. Because if he is crazy enough to actually harm himself, then he needs some help. If he is not, it is a manipulation. If he has gotten needy, and dependent, then he has issues to deal with.

With all that it's a red flag that he has become this way in a few weeks and maybe he can't control you, he still tries doesn't he? This will escalate, and become worse, and you will have no friends, or the conflicts between him and your friends will become unbearable.

Try this, sit him down and let him tell you that he does all this crap because he loves and needs you so much and can't live without you. You tell him his behavior is totally unacceptable, and he needs to stop the behavior and threats to harm himself and see if it yields the results you want. If it does not what choice do you have but to dump him?

People stay in relationships for love and caring, not threats. And the people who make threats are not healthy, and have issues. He may have been a great friend, but you are seeing very early he may be a lousy partner.

Now if you are that worried he is serious, tell some one, then dump him.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I am not sure you are listening. When you stay in a relationship with a fellow that THREATENS to kill himself unless you stay with him, thats always a red flag to run. Because if he is crazy enough to actually harm himself, then he needs some help. If he is not, it is a manipulation. If he has gotten needy, and dependent, then he has issues to deal with.

With all that its a red flag that he has become this way in a few weeks and maybe he can't control you, he still tries doesn't he? This will escalate, and become worse, and you will have no friends, or the conflicts between him and your friends will become unbearable.

Try this, sit him down and let him tell you that he does all this crap because he loves and needs you so much and can't live without you. You tell him his behavior is totally unacceptable, and he needs to stop the behavior and threats to harm himself and see if it yields the results you want. If it does not what choice do you have but to dump him?

People stay in relationships for love and caring, not threats. And the people who make threats are not healthy, and have issues. He may have been a great friend, but you are seeing very early he may be a lousy partner.

Now if you are that worried he is serious, tell some one, then dump him.

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For someone trying to help you don't seem to be very good at it. I'll just talk to my friend, as lousy as she is with advice. Somehow I feel it'll be more successful than seeking help from strangers who don't read.

You are not listening,

Break up with him, he is controlling you and yes he is already started doing it, since you can't understand it. Tell him it is over and stop talking to him

And we are reading what he is doing is classic text book control. He acts dependent, but then controls what you do.
He will get you away from anyone but him, and then start with more and more demands, Latter it often ends in physical abuse with you thinking it is your fault.

You leave him, and don't worry about what he is saying.

Let go of this person completely, if he follows, call the authorities. Whatever he decides to do is completely his choice and his life, not your worries.

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Originally Posted by Tobiasu

For someone trying to help you don't seem to be very good at it. I'll just talk to my friend, as lousy as she is with advice. Somehow I feel it'll be more successful than seeking help from strangers who don't read.

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I'm a professional counselor, and Tal is right on the money. As Tal said, your boyfriend may have been a good friend, but as a partner he is needy and manipulative. Be very careful he doesn't isolate you.

He wants you to worry about his threat, so he can keep you. Even though you say he doesn't control you, why do you stay with him? Do you think he will change his behavior or something?

What's your real question here?

What on earth is wrong with you people? He isn't trying to control anything, he just acts like a jealous child, throwing fits when his playground buddy starts playing with other kids. It's pretty sad that I can diagnose my own problem better than 'professional counselors'. You guys really are all quacks. I'm leaving this site.

What are you 12? Those jealousy tantrums are to get attention. To stop you from giving it to others, only him. Yes its childish but that's why children do it. To control their parents through attention.

If you cater to it, they see it works and keep on doing it. When he threatens to harm himself unless he gets his way, that's manipulation, to get what he wants. Come on, pay attention and learn.

It does get worse, and you already admit it disturbs you, and you don't know what to do about it. If you don't confront him, or tell someone, then how else will he stop doing it? How have you been handling this? Has it worked? He still threatens to kill himself right?

At least recognize you are in over your head, and ask a trusted adult what to do, because you seem to be in denial here, which adds to the problem. How long will you allow him to be hostile to your friends before they get sick of it?

They probably are already. For sure you cannot solve the problem unless you admit it is a problem, and trust me stalking is where this goes unless YOU act appropriately.

He's probably gone, you know.