Me and my baby momma haven't had sex ever since she started working. We have a two year old baby girl and she stays with her mom. My baby momma stays at her parents house and my relationship with her has been rough cause the influence her parents have on her. We are both 23 years old. We have kept a steady relationship on and off but no sex. Is this weird? Should I be upset cause we haven't had sex?

I have had sex with about ten women from massage parlors though. I know this is unhealthy but I feel like I need me some every now and then. I stay busy working and enjoying my daughter when she spends the weekend. Me and baby momma are currently meeting up and spending time together with our daughter on our off time from work. My daughter is the happiest when me and her mother are together.

To sum it up should I put up with things I dislike from my baby momma and hope to have sex with her on the regular basis? I know I shouldn't base my relationship on sex but I feel like it's a need it. What should I do?

Hey mate, yes your right you shouldn't base a relationship on sex. But by saying that making love to the person you love means and a relationship needs intimatecy.
Sex can mean a lot in a relationship, just look at what you have been doing, going to massage palours to get laid. Isn't that call cheating? You should have spoken to her about it and try to understand why it is that she doesn't feel like sex? I had a similar situation but the reason was because my ex said she wasn't in love with me anymore. Also to some people stress can have a big influence also. I think communication is the key, when there are problems in a relationship both parties should talk it out. There's is no point guessing?

Perhaps it has something to do with the massage parlor visits.
Perhaps something to do with you concentrating TOO much on having sex.
There is nothing wrong with a healthy sex drive, but the key word there is healthy.
I don't see 10 women from a massage parlor as being very healthy and there are more important things.
Or could it be that term "babymamma" which too me clearly shows disrespect.
She is more properly referred to as the mother of your child.
Being a young mother can be tough, and she works, perhaps she is tired and has more important life issues on her mind than sex.
While I'm sure her parents may have had some influence on her I doubt that is the only factor here. Odds are they haven't had to say a lot.
If this is your general attitude about things they wouldn't have to.
It may be time to focus on the relationship as it strictly relates to your daughters care and well being.

Your relationship has changed, from baby makers to parents, and it looks like you are on your own, and so is she. Just be good parents together and you seem to be, but you obviously have separate lives, and lifestyles.

If you got on better, maybe you would be together, sex, and the whole bit, but it is what it is.

Wow thanks for all the replies! I will take them into consideration. I seen the mother of my child t day with my daughter and took her to the clinic. After that I took them to eat breakfast and then took them home. Today I pick up my daughter for a two hour visit. I happy.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Your relationship has changed, from baby makers to parents, and it looks like you are on your own, and so is she. Just be good parents together and you seem to be, but you obviously have separate lives, and lifestyles.

If you got on better, maybe you would be together, sex, and the whole bit, but it is what it is.

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So 1 year of no sex isn't bad? Its probably my ego that makes me feel like I'm not handling my business. I will take it slow and not make her my number one prority. All your words make so much sense. Thanks man I appreciate very much

Young guy, you have to have control and discipline in your life. Obviously you have not had enough sickness or illness to teach you the difference between want, and NEED! You can learn the hard way or the easy way, but we all learn.

You don't have to take my word for it, but I learned the hard way, trust me, its no fun.

I think you may have missed my point entirely. You have some growing up to do if you think that what you are doing is making HER a priority.
You are putting way to emphasis on sex. LIfe is much more than that.
Yes, sex is nice, but it has it's place and top of the list isn't it.
You seem to be a young man who thoroughly enjoys time with his child.
I admire that, but as far as your child's mother and defining that relationship you must look way beyond sex.
Face the fact that the sexual part of that relationship is most likely over.
And I am telling you the same thing I would tell my own son.

I think all of you are missing a valid point, you're all blasting him for making his relationship all about sex. You're telling this to a guy that, in the last YEAR has not has sex with the mother of his child. That's kind of a big deal considering most married couples with children have sex 1-2 times per week on average.

Unless you guys are separated, not in an actual relationship and just being good parents to your child then you probably shouldn't expect sex, and go to all the massage parlour you want, it's your life.

If you're in a relationship with this woman, you're clearly not in a healthy one. No intimacy, yes including sex, no communication I can see that if you can't even talk to her about why you both aren't intimate.

Bottom line is, if you are in a relationship with this woman you either need to break it off because you're cheating with her, or if you want to fix it, talk to her. Communication is key in any relationship, tell her how you feel. DO NOT tell her you aren't having enough sex, rather tell her there's no more intimacy, which in time, will lead to sex.

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Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

I think all of you are missing a valid point, you're all blasting him for making his relationship all about sex. You're telling this to a guy that, in the last YEAR has not has sex with the mother of his child. That's kind of a big deal considering most married couples with children have sex 1-2 times per week on average.

Unless you guys are seperated, not in an actual relationship and just being good parents to your child then you probably shouldn't expect sex, and go to all the massage parlour you want, it's your life.

If you're in a relationship with this woman, you're clearly not in a healthy one. No intimacy, yes including sex, no communication I can see that if you can't even talk to her about why you both aren't intimate.

Bottom line is, if you are in a relationship with this woman you either need to break it off because you're cheating with her, or if you want to fix it, talk to her. Communication is key in any relationship, tell her how you feel. DO NOT tell her you aren't having enough sex, rather tell her there's no more intimacy, which in time, will lead to sex.

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With all due respect, if my post came off as bashing I sincerely apologize to the OP if that is the way it sounded. That was not my intent.
But in the words of the poster sex IS the goal, it doesn't work that way.
As far as a year without sex, people differ, I view abstinence as a matter of self control and self respect, not to mention respect for others. Others have a more casual approach to sex, we are all different.
The point was made that you are in fact grown and can do what you wish, well you can, no argument there, personally I wouldn't recommending this activity to anyone, let alone a young man of your age.
While communication is the key isn't manipulating your words in order to get what you want, just the same as lying?

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Originally Posted by LadySam

With all due respect, if my post came off as bashing I sincerely apologize to the OP if that is the way it sounded. That was not my intent.
But in the words of the poster sex IS the goal, it doesn't work that way.
As far as a year without sex, people differ, I view abstinence as a matter of self control and self respect, not to mention respect for others. Others have a more casual approach to sex, we are all different.
The point was made that you are in fact grown and can do what you wish, well you can, no argument there, personally I wouldn't recommending this activity to anyone, let alone a young man of your age.
While communication is the key isn't manipulating your words in order to get what you want, just the same as lying?

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For one, I still believe no sex for over a year is a bit too long, for two people in an intimate relationship. Secondly abstinence has nothing to do with this situation seeing as she has a child. Finally, I not once said he was to manipulate her into having sex with him, only express how there is no intimacy in their relationship, if they are even still in an intimate relationship, otherwise he has no say really.

Perhaps I should have said it differently, abstinence as far as other women are concerned if he was holding out and hoping for a continued intimate relationship with his child's mother.
Things get lost in context, I get that, but some say what they mean and mean what they say.
Some are happy to say what they think you want to hear, there is a difference.
I think the time for talking was a year ago, that evidently didn't happen.
Not trying to offend, just my point of view.
And I would have said all this to my own son, who coincidently is 23.
There is a relationship, we all agree on that there has to be because they are forever bonded as parents. I don't think it is the relationship the OP wants but it is what it is.

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Originally Posted by LadySam

Perhaps I should have said it differently, abstinence as far as other women are concerned if he was holding out and hoping for a continued intimate relationship with his child's mother.
Things get lost in context, I get that, but some say what they mean and mean what they say.
Some are happy to say what they think you want to hear, there is a difference.
I think the time for talking was a year ago, that evidently didn't happen.
Not trying to offend, just my point of view.
And I would have said all this to my own son, who coincidently is 23.
There is a relationship, we all agree on that there has to be because they are forever bonded as parents. I don't think it is the relationship the OP wants but it is what it is.

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I agree completely, talking should have been done a year ago, but it's not too late. I'm only speaking figuratively for two situations, because the OP never specified whether him and his "baby momma" are actually in an intimate relationship.

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Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

For one, I still believe no sex for over a year is a bit too long, for two people in an intimate relationship. Secondly abstinence has nothing to do with this situation seeing as she has a child. Finally, I not once said he was to manipulate her into having sex with him, only express how there is no intimacy in their relationship, if they are even still in an intimate relationship, otherwise he has no say really.

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Well we have not have an intimate relationship at all. For a while I had to call the police because she wouldn't let me see my daughter for my visitation with her. It has been very rough relationship but not at type where we coupe things like kiss or hug or call each other baby. Strictly about our daughter. Recently she invited me to her cousins weeding I see this as a big triumph because months ago I asked her about it and told me that I wanst invited. I really don't care about the weeding but her whole family will be there and if she's inviting me then I guess she's not being fake about us. Or putting me to the side. Well I'm taken it how it is just one thing that bothers me is that we talk and I tell her that ill call her later but she doesn't answer. Is this cause she has her hand full with the baby? Im at work when I do call her but maybe I'm just over thinking and thinking too much? We are not couple and I shouldn't know her whereabouts all the time right?

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Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

For one, I still believe no sex for over a year is a bit too long, for two people in an intimate relationship. Secondly abstinence has nothing to do with this situation seeing as she has a child. Finally, I not once said he was to manipulate her into having sex with him, only express how there is no intimacy in their relationship, if they are even still in an intimate relationship, otherwise he has no say really.

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Your right talking should have been done along time ago and I have been patiient but I feel like she has thought about it. I just need help handling the situation as a man. I was raised with no father so everything I learn on my own. Just need a little coaching in a relationship dos and donts. I know that all types are different so I'm just speaking out and where I feel I need help

With no intimate relationship, sex should not be at all on your mind. Rather move on if you're no longer together, or try and fix the relationship.

Committed partners define what the relationship is. Through honest communications you make the rules of good behavior that benefits both of you. How else can you have a relationship without understanding each other? I mean any two humans can have sex, but for a lasting long term relationship sex is hardly an issue because there are more important things to deal with.

We know our partners bodies, but to last, there has to be knowing each others minds. Then, and only then can you begin to explore the other areas of a relationship that are even more important to us, AND our partner.

LUST fades, LOVE grows! Love is not a feeling, its an unconditional COMMITMENT to deal with whatever life throws at you together. That's easy when times are great, and there is fun, and enjoyment. Extremely difficult when things are not working so well and there are major, and minor issues to deal with. Its just not your feelings, wants and needs, but the partners also, that get in the way, and need resolving through honest communications.

I respectfully submit, that even though you have made a child together, you DO NOT talk. So let me ask, how you support your child? Be very specific, especially the finances. Enjoying a family time out, while great and important is only a small part of the work of fathers. At least to my way of thinking. Does she work? I assume you do. What's the agreement. And do you ever talk of commitment to each other besides "dating"?

What is the nature of your relationship besides having a child together? Ever date, and pay a baby sitter, or is all the contact centered around the child you share? Do you talk personally with her, or do couples things?

Does she know of your massage parlor visits? Do you relate well with her family? YOUR mom, family?

What does the baby mama want? Besides sex, what do YOU want?