Ask Me Help Desk - Can my ex get more custody of my son if he doesn't get along with my husband?

My ex husband and I have joint custody of our 5 year old son, but I have him full time and he gets him every other weekend. In our divorce papers he also has visitation on Wednesdays from 3:30-8:30 but in the past year he has not gotten him once. My husband now has helped raise my son and they are very close, my son even calls him daddy. My husband does everything for my son, takes him golfing, to school, and provides for him to name a few. There have been times my son has ended up in the ER from my ex husband not taking care of him when he's been sick, I had tried asking my ex to just let him stay home while he was so sick but he wouldn't let me. DCFS is actually working on case for this very reason. I also have a lot of photos and documentation of him physically neglecting him. My ex has never wanted to be involved with him until now. My son cries every time he has to go there even though I try so hard to tell him that he will have fun and they are excited to see him. The problem is he use to mentally abuse me and still tries to control me with our son. This past weekend on Friday when my ex came to pick up my son, I had to make a police report on him and his wife for threatening to beat me up right in front of our son. My husband decided to go with me to pick him up on Sunday (the end of their weekend). We met in a store parking lot and I had just gotten my son into our truck when my ex started to get threatening, standing in front of me and said he wouldn't leave until I talked to him about getting more time (every other week 50/50). I told him I will not do this in front of our son again and he could call or text me. I got into the truck with my husband and my window was rolled down, my ex grabbed onto the door saying he wasn't going anywhere until I gave him an answer. He started to get more upset and was yelling at me. My husband told him to get away from the truck, my ex responded with "what are you going to do?" my husband asked again but he would not leave. My husband has his hand gun with him at all times with the bullets out but in the front. He picked up his gun (didn't point it at him, just barely picked it up) and said get away from the truck, my ex finally let go and we left. When we got home the police were there and talked to my husband. They didn't give him any charges, my ex has been trying to take my son away any way possible to get back at me and to not pay child support. My question is, can he use that incident against me and get more custody of my son? I'm a very concerned mother for the safety of my son when he goes with him on his weekends already. Any advice would help out so much!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mommy07

My ex husband and I have joint custody of our 5 year old son, but I have him full time and he gets him every other weekend. In our divorce papers he also has visitation on Wednesdays from 3:30-8:30 but in the past year he has not gotten him once. My husband now has helped raise my son and they are very close, my son even calls him daddy. My husband does everything for my son, takes him golfing, to school, and provides for him to name a few. There have been times my son has ended up in the ER from my ex husband not taking care of him when hes been sick, I had tried asking my ex to just let him stay home while he was so sick but he wouldn't let me. DCFS is actually working on case for this very reason. I also have alot of photos and documentation of him physically neglecting him. My ex has never wanted to be involved with him until now. My son cries everytime he has to go there even though I try so hard to tell him that he will have fun and they are excited to see him. The problem is he use to mentally abuse me and still tries to control me with our son. This past weekend on Friday when my ex came to pick up my son, I had to make a police report on him and his wife for threatening to beat me up right infront of our son. My husband decided to go with me to pick him up on Sunday (the end of their weekend). We met in a store parking lot and I had just gotten my son into our truck when my ex started to get threatening, standing infront of me and said he wouldn't leave until I talked to him about getting more time (every other week 50/50). I told him I will not do this infront of our son again and he could call or text me. I got into the truck with my husband and my window was rolled down, my ex grabbed onto the door saying he wasn't going anywhere until I gave him an answer. He started to get more upset and was yelling at me. My husband told him to get away from the truck, my ex responded with "what are you going to do?" my husband asked again but he would not leave. My husband has his hand gun with him at all times with the bullets out but in the front. He picked up his gun (didn't point it at him, just barely picked it up) and said get away from the truck, my ex finally let go and we left. When we got home the police were there and talked to my husband. They didn't give him any charges, my ex has been trying to take my son away any way possible to get back at me and to not pay child support. My question is, can he use that incident against me and get more custody of my son? I'm a very concerned mother for the safety of my son when he goes with him on his weekends already. Any advice would help out so much!

All your ex has to do is convince the court he should get more time... and he will. Your husband has to be very careful... or he might be charged with brandishing a weapon... as you are already aware, yeah he can try and use that incident... but if it makes a difference or not is up to how the judge see's it.

And to be honest here... the viciousness I hear in your tone and words... will work in his favor too. And certainly isn't doing anything positive for your son to see his parents going at each other like that.

1. Never ever ever carry or show a gun that does not have its bullets in it, it will get you killed. Period, if you carry a gun have it loaded and ready to use, a empty gun is only good to throw at someone. Once he pulls it, the other person who may have a loaded gun will shoot you dead,

If someone pulled a gun at me, they would be dead in 2 seconds and we all would be sorry it was unloaded but no one knows it is unloaded when it is pointed at you.

2. never pull a gun unless you plan to shoot them within 2 to 5 seconds, a pulled gun is to be a used gun, not a scare weapon.

If he has "joint" custody why does he not have the child 50 percent of the time. What you have said so far, is mostly ( sorry) as evidence more in his favor. Your new man pulled a gun in front of the child, that alone is enough to maybe make you loose custody. Esp if the judge is not someone who believes in guns,

I do agree with the viciousness of the post, if that is the tone you talk in, most anything you say against the ex will not be believed well, and though just the talk of a hateful ex.

Next in the court orders, you need to do an exchange only at a police station, or a fire house that is manned, no where else.

Does your husband have a carry permit or is carrying a gun allowed in your area? Also I agree with Fr_Chuck. A gun is not for show.

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

... A gun is not for show.

That was very foolish, and probably criminal, behavior on your husband's fault. There are many convicted felons in prisons who claimed at trial that "I didn't mean to kill him; I was just trying to scare him."

And always treat any weapon as a loaded weapon, even if you "know" it is not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mommy07

My husband has his hand gun with him at all times with the bullets out but in the front. He picked up his gun (didn't point it at him, just barely picked it up) and said get away from the truck, my ex finally let go and we left. When we got home the police were there and talked to my husband. They didn't give him any charges, my ex has been trying to take my son away any way possible to get back at me and to not pay child support. My question is, can he use that incident against me and get more custody of my son? I'm a very concerned mother for the safety of my son when he goes with him on his weekends already. Any advice would help out so much!

What does he "barely" picked it up mean? I think the Court has proof that your child may not be safe in your household.

I don't know if it has proof the child may not be safe in his father's.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

What does he "barely" picked it up mean? I think the Court has proof that your child may not be safe in your household.. ...

Because her husband owns a firearm? Because he has it handy in his car?

Because he showed it. I don't have a problem with anyone with the necessary background and paperwork (and I appreciate requirements differ) having and carrying. I DO have a problem when, in anger, someone "barely" touches it.

He picked it up and apparently the "ex" saw it. Bad display of temper.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Because he showed it. I don't have a problem with anyone with the necessary background and paperwork (and I appreciate requirements differ) having and carrying. I DO have a problem when, in anger, someone "barely" touches it.

He picked it up and apparently the "ex" saw it. Bad display of temper.

That's enough for a brandishing charge many places... if ex was a cop... it would have gotten him shot. She should be lucky the cops didn't charge him or EX didn't push the issue.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Because he showed it. I don't have a problem with anyone with the necessary background and paperwork (and I appreciate requirements differ) having and carrying. I DO have a problem when, in anger, someone "barely" touches it.

He picked it up and apparently the "ex" saw it. Bad display of temper.

The current husband appears to be a real piece of work, this is true. But I still don't see that this incident proves anything about "proof that [OP's] child may not be safe in [OP's] household". It doesn't at all suggest that, for example, if the son misbehaves the husband will start waving a gun around.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

The current husband appears to be a real piece of work, this is true. But I still don't see that this incident proves anything about "proof that [OP's] child may not be safe in [OP's] household". It doesn't at all suggest that, for example, if the son misbehaves the husband will start waving a gun around.

And I disagree, which makes the World go around.

I think "barely touching" the gun (to the extent that the "ex" could see it) indicates a temper, lack of judgment. I'm not saying he'll show it again if the son misbehaves. I am saying he shows a very bad sense of judgment.

- And this was in the presence of the child? The mother is concerned about the safety of the child when he's with his father but excuses the "gun showing" episode?

I'd sure try to use this to my advantage were on the side of the father.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AK lawyer

The current husband appears to be a real piece of work, this is true. But I still don't see that this incident proves anything about "proof that [OP's] child may not be safe in [OP's] household". It doesn't at all suggest that, for example, if the son misbehaves the husband will start waving a gun around.

Actually this situation as described by the OP proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that the current husband is not only a danger to the child but to the wife also. This is a chilling account of how not to handle a situation when a handgun is involved.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mommy07

We met in a store parking lot and I had just gotten my son into our truck when my ex started to get threatening, standing infront of me and said he wouldn't leave until I talked to him about getting more time (every other week 50/50). I told him I will not do this infront of our son again and he could call or text me. I got into the truck with my husband and my window was rolled down, my ex grabbed onto the door saying he wasn't going anywhere until I gave him an answer. He started to get more upset and was yelling at me. My husband told him to get away from the truck, my ex responded with "what are you going to do?" my husband asked again but he would not leave. My husband has his hand gun with him at all times with the bullets out but in the front. He picked up his gun (didn't point it at him, just barely picked it up) and said get away from the truck, my ex finally let go and we left.

That puts both the child and the wife between the intended target and himself. Extreme iresponsibility.