There's this guy who I have been speaking to for about a year and I'm completely crazy about him. But when I first got talking to him I lied about my age I said I was 20 when really I was 17 , anyway I fell for him so badly that I had to confess to him. So I told him the truth and said just say if you don't want to speak to me and I will go and he said we can still speak. But now I barely speak to him, how can I gain his trust again because it's so upsetting that Its not normal. But I really love him so what can I say to him without sounding desperate?

You can tell him that you're sorry that you lied, but first, I have to ask. How old is he?

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Originally Posted by Alty

You can tell him that you're sorry that you lied, but first, I have to ask. How old is he?

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Thanks and I have told him that I'm sorry numerous times, he is 23 now.

I was going to ask the same thing, Alty

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Originally Posted by Perfect_error

Thanks and I have told him that I'm sorry numerous times, he is 23 now.

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Sweetie, I don't want to judge, but at 17, what can you possibly have in common with a 23 year old?

I have a feeling that the reason he hasn't called isn't because he's mad that you lied, but that you're jail bait. He could get into a lot of trouble having a romantic relationship with you.

Ditto!

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Originally Posted by Alty

Sweetie, I don't want to judge, but at 17, what can you possibly have in common with a 23 year old?

I have a feeling that the reason he hasn't called isn't because he's mad that you lied, but that you're jail bait. He could get into a lot of trouble having a romantic relationship with you.

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I understand where you're coming from, but it's unbelievable how alike we are and we're in England so once you're above 16 it's fine. Also my mum is aware of him and how I feel but I just can't talk to her about this situation oh and she is fine with him.

Maybe he now sees you as a liar and feels he can't trust you. Or maybe he just is not into you any more or was not as in to you as you are to him. At his age I'm sure he is in to different things.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Maybe he now sees you as a liar and feels he can't trust you. Or maybe he just is not into you any more or was not as in to you as you are to him. At his age I'm sure he is in to different things.

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I know but I have asked him a couple of times about the situation and would it be best if we just call it a day and say goodbye but he has always said no we will still talk and he thinks "I'm pretty cool" and we have a lot in common so we can talk about a lot with each other I just need advice on gaining his trust again

It's just getting me down now knowing that I've hurt him I want to phone him but I don't want to sound desperate, I'm already depressed over other factors in my life and he was the main part of my happiness and now it's going and I just want to curl up and cry

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Originally Posted by Perfect_error

I know but I have asked him a couple of times about the situation and would it be best if we just call it a day and say goodbye but he has always said no we will still talk and he thinks "I'm pretty cool" and we have a lot in common so we can talk about a lot with each other I just need advice on gaining his trust again

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I have to ask. You stated that he keeps saying that he wants to be friends, keep in touch, but he hasn't been. To me, this sounds like he just doesn't know how to tell you that he wants to end things. Instead of being a man and telling you "You lied, you're too young, and I don't want anything to do with you", he's being a coward and just ignoring you, hoping that you'll go away, get frustrated when he doesn't respond, and just leave him alone.

I don't even see a friendship from what you posted. I see a guy that wants to get rid of you, and you hoping beyond hope that he'll change his mind.

So my question is this. How long are you going to stick around hoping that he'll decide that age doesn't matter, that your lie doesn't matter? What does he have to do before you get the hint?

Sounds harsh, but that's what I see here. Fact is, he's not contacting you. It sounds a lot like the "let's be friends" crap I used to tell guys I didn't want to date, hoping that they'd leave me alone, and I wouldn't have to deal with them.

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Originally Posted by Alty

I have to ask. You stated that he keeps saying that he wants to be friends, keep in touch, but he hasn't been. To me, this sounds like he just doesn't know how to tell you that he wants to end things. Instead of being a man and telling you "You lied, you're too young, and I don't want anything to do with you", he's being a coward and just ignoring you, hoping that you'll go away, get frustrated when he doesn't respond, and just leave him alone.

I don't even see a friendship from what you posted. I see a guy that wants to get rid of you, and you hoping beyond hope that he'll change his mind.

So my question is this. How long are you going to stick around hoping that he'll decide that age doesn't matter, that your lie doesn't matter? What does he have to do before you get the hint?

Sounds harsh, but that's what I see here. Fact is, he's not contacting you. It sounds a lot like the "let's be friends" crap I used to tell guys I didn't want to date, hoping that they'd leave me alone, and I wouldn't have to deal with them.

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That's what I didn't want to hear (truth hurts) but the thing is when I do get frustrated with him not responding so when I stop talking to him he randomly pops up saying hi what do I do?

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Originally Posted by Perfect_error

That's what I didnt want to hear (truth hurts) but the thing is when I do get frustrated with him not responding so when I stop talking to him he randomly pops up saying hi what do I do?

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I would be honest. If he sends mixed messages, tell him that that's how you feel, and that you feel that he's blowing you off, and when you're just about ready to accept that he won't be in your life, he gives a random "hi" and you're back to square one.

Ask him what he's thinking, and why he's playing games. Fact is, at this point he's about as big a liar as you were. He said he didn't care that you lied, but his actions show something else.

If he can't forgive and forget, and at the least just be friends, then he should be honest with you and tell you, so you can move on. Frankly, I think that you moving on would be the best thing for you. He really is way too old for you. If you were 20, then it wouldn't be a big deal. But you're only 17. I know you don't want to hear this, because I remember being 17 and thinking I knew everything. But really, at the age of 17, you may as well be 20 years younger than he is. You're still a child, he's an adult. Your worlds are light years apart at this time in your lives.

Also, I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. I'm just telling you how I see it, and yes, the truth can hurt. But I'd rather you be hurt by what I say then to continue being hurt about something you can't change. I know that right now you feel like your heart has broken in two. Boy do I remember. Fact is, even 20 plus years later, I still remember the hurt of breaking up. Fact is, those guys weren't even meant to be for me, but I can still remember the hurt as if it were yesterday. I also remember getting over it though. You will too.

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Originally Posted by Perfect_error

I know but I have asked him a couple of times about the situation and would it be best if we just call it a day and say goodbye but he has always said no we will still talk and he thinks "I'm pretty cool" and we have a lot in common so we can talk about a lot with each other I just need advice on gaining his trust again

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The fact that he says you can still talk means he has forgiven you. I think he does not feel for you like you do for him.
I think this thing you had with him is over and I don't think the lie had anything to do with it. He may have even suspected you weren't as old as you said you were.
You need to get over this guilt and move on.

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Originally Posted by Alty

I would be honest. If he sends mixed messages, tell him that that's how you feel, and that you feel that he's blowing you off, and when you're just about ready to accept that he won't be in your life, he gives a random "hi" and you're back to square one.

Ask him what he's thinking, and why he's playing games. Fact is, at this point he's about as big a liar as you were. He said he didn't care that you lied, but his actions show something else.

If he can't forgive and forget, and at the least just be friends, then he should be honest with you and tell you, so you can move on. Frankly, I think that you moving on would be the best thing for you. He really is way too old for you. If you were 20, then it wouldn't be a big deal. But you're only 17. I know you don't want to hear this, because I remember being 17 and thinking I knew everything. But really, at the age of 17, you may as well be 20 years younger than he is. You're still a child, he's an adult. Your worlds are light years apart at this time in your lives.

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Ok I'm going to be honest with him and tell him how I feel, but I just don't want to move on from him we match up really well let's say I'm pretty mature for my age, also I'm really scared for losing him I know you said the best thing would be to move on but I just don't want to lose him he's just incomparable to any guy I've met before and I feel like I'm in the wrong

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

The fact that he says you can still talk means he has forgiven you. I think he does not feel for you like you do for him.
I think this thing you had with him is over and I don't think the lie had anything to do with it. He may have even suspected you weren't as old as you said you were.
You need to get over this guilt and move on.

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I just can't its not that simple, he just puts a smile on my face and before I confessed to him he told me that he felt the same way, after I confessed he just said he was confused but he still likes me. I have just never met anyone like him before I don't want to lose him

It looks like he has already distanced himself. You cannot make someone want to be with you.

I know how you feel. I met a guy on a night out; He's 21 and I'm barely 17, but I told him I was 18. Anyway I thought it'd be fine to lie considering I'd probably never see him again as he's going back off to Uni in a few weeks, but we've been talking every day since then and he seems such a lovely, decent, caring guy, I feel like such a jerk lying to him! We have so much in common, and we get along really well. But obviously four years is a big difference at our age, which is a problem. I still haven't told him my real age he's such a decent guy I know he'd never get involved with someone who was a minor. So I really respect you for doing so! You did the right thing, and hopefully I'll build up the confidence to do the same - how did you tell him by the way?