Ask Me Help Desk - My girlfriend misses her ex's what should I do?

My girlfriend and I have been together for just under 2 months and it was going great were both (17 nirley 18) but lately she has seen a few of her ex's and misses them, she classes them as her bro's now and tell's them that she loves them, she makes Facebook statusus about her missing her ex's and I feel insecure and like I'm not good enough for her because her ex's are older than me, her boyfriend before me was 20 and they dated for 1yr 3months but he is not the one that she misses(I just pointed him out because he is much older than me and they dated the lingest),she says that she still has crushes for 3 of her ex's and sees a few of them, we have promised each other that we would never cheat on each other and I don't tell her that she can't see them because I trust her and she trusts me but I don't know what to say or do without sounding like the jealus boyfriend type, please help what should I do!!

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Originally Posted by JB 10V3S RM

my gf and I have been together for just under 2 months and it was going great were both (17 nirley 18) but lately she has seen a few of her ex's and misses them, she classes them as her bro's now and tell's them that she loves them, she makes Facebook statusus about her missing her ex's and I feel insecure and like I'm not good enough for her because her ex's are older than me, her bf before me was 20 and they dated for 1yr 3months but he is not the one that she misses(I just pointed him out because he is much older than me and they dated the lingest),she says that she still has crushes for 3 of her ex's and sees a few of them, we have promised each other that we would never cheat on eachother and I don't tell her that she can't see them because I trust her and she trusts me but I don't know what to say or do without sounding like the jealus boyfriend type, please help what should I do!?!?!?

I do not blame you for feeling insecure.

If she still has crushes for 3 of her ex's then it sounds like she hasn't got over them properly. It is perfectly normal to still be friends with your ex, but having crushes for them and let alone 3 of them, it sounds unhealthy.

What were the reasons for her previous breakups with the ex's?

Personally I would run for the hills... My previous girlfriend, who I was in love with, dumped me for her ex boyfriend, who at the time was still in regular contact with her. I was heartbroken, felt very used, and felt worthless; it is not a feeling I want anyone else to experience.

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Originally Posted by rocketman11

I do not blame you for feeling insecure.

If she still has crushes for 3 of her ex's then it sounds like she hasn't got over them properly. It is perfectly normal to still be friends with your ex, but having crushes for them and let alone 3 of them, it sounds unhealthy.

What were the reasons for her previous breakups with the ex's?

Personally i would run for the hills...My previous girlfriend, who i was in love with, dumped me for her ex boyfriend, who at the time was still in regular contact with her. I was heartbroken, felt very used, and felt worthless; it is not a feeling i want anyone else to experience.

... thanks but I will fight for what I love, she is my second serious relationship and I don't want to loose her, I love her, when I stay over her house we would just talk for hours and make out and smile while we kiss and I could be myself and know I won't get judged,
But I'm looking for a job since I finished school last year but I'm only allowed to stay over her house on the weekend until I get a job and my P's in about a month, we only see each other 1-2 times a week,(would you class this as a long distance relationship?)
Her other relationships have ended badly, cheating...
Do you have any advise from your experience?
(I feel sorry for you mate, if I lost my girlfriend now I would not know what I would do probably something stupid)

Is this the other question you wanted me to look at? I'm not sure, but here is my take on it.

Staying in contact and remaining "friends" with exes involves much more maturity than I think a 17 year old can muster.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not calling you guys immature, I'm just saying that with age come maturity, and even then remaining friends with exes can be difficult not to mention can have a negative effect on the relationship by creating issues with insecurity.
That being said, I think your girl hasn't dealt with the break ups and while perhaps not even realizing herself, doesn't want to let completely go.
That is why even for us much older than you it just is not a good idea.
Some can do it, some can not, personally I do not. When I run into exes a polite wave or Hi is all they get. I can't let my past relationships factor into my present one. It's not fair to me or them.
And not only that, until she lets go of the past relationships you do not have her full attention.
I think you should talk about how you feel about this, it's not fair to you if you are expected to play second fiddle.

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Originally Posted by LadySam

Is this the other question you wanted me to look at? I'm not sure, but here is my take on it.

Staying in contact and remaining "friends" with exes involves much more maturity than I think a 17 year old can muster.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not calling you guys immature, I'm just saying that with age come maturity, and even then remaining friends with exes can be difficult not to mention can have a negative effect on the relationship by creating issues with insecurity.
That being said, I think your girl hasn't dealt with the break ups and while perhaps not even realizing herself, doesn't want to let completely go.
That is why even for us much older than you it just is not a good idea.
Some can do it, some can not, personally I do not. When I run into exes a polite wave or Hi is all they get. I can't let my past relationships factor into my present one. It's not fair to me or them.
And not only that, until she lets go of the past relationships you do not have her full attention.
I think you should talk about how you feel about this, it's not fair to you if you are expected to play second fiddle.

Yes this is the question :), yeah I know what you mean about it not being fair about her seeing her ex's if she hasn't let go completely, my ex before my wonderful girlfriend cheated on me and I felt like crap and was depresses for a while but once I found my girlfriend that I have now, I have never felt feelings like this... so strong and then she says I'm going to see my bro which is what she classes her ex's now and I just text her have fun because I don't want to seem like the jealus boyfriend type and I hate feeling jealus, oh from before when I was talking about me ex I have only seen her twice since we broke up but that was only because we ran into each other at the shops, we said hi gave each other a quick hug and that was it, but if I started to hang out with my ex I would start to feel again but I love my current girlfriend and I don't see my ex because of that reason... what should I do ? Please some advise would be gratefully appreciated :)

The only advice I have is that she needs to know how you feel, she may not realize how it is making you feel. And sometimes us girls just don't think about things like that.
So talk to her about it, if she cares about you and the relationship, then she should realize that she needs to let go of those relationships and be done with them, they are after all exes.
You are right though, not to get upset about it, that will just make you look petty.
If you don't talk about it and go from there, I'm afraid that you will manage to bottle up a certain amount of resentment and hurt, then the cork blows and you lose it.
That is not good for either of you.

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Originally Posted by LadySam

The only advice I have is that she needs to know how you feel, she may not realize how it is making you feel. And sometimes us girls just don't think about things like that.
So talk to her about it, if she cares about you and the relationship, then she should realize that she needs to let go of those relationships and be done with them, they are after all exes.
You are right though, not to get upset about it, that will just make you look petty.
If you don't talk about it and go from there, I'm afraid that you will manage to bottle up a certain amount of resentment and hurt, then the cork blows and you lose it.
That is not good for either of you.

... thankyou, very much for your time and advise.