To make a long story short, over the course of 2 and a half years my boyfriends actions have caused me great pain, completely ruined my self-esteem and worth. He has caused me so much sadness, anger, confusion. At first I didn't leave because he had a way with his words and would somehow always convince me of a "great" guy he is (his words). Over time I discovered emails from random women, hook-up and dating websites, texts and calls, and in the end he always denied it. Somehow all this pain he was causing me was my fault. I know I am stupid for nothing leaving at the first sign of cheating, but I was in love and stupid and somehow always believed that if I just do a little more for him that maybe he would change. He never does anything romantic for me, he never hugs or kisses me, let alone do anything else. I also thought something was wrong with me, and until him I never thought of myself as ugly. I was always happy with my looks. I am at the stage where I don't feel any emotion. I am numb to everything. I want to scream and yell at him and show him all the evidence in his face that I know about the women he texts and the stuff he says! I wish I knew myself why I haven't left yet and I can't talk to anyone about this because no one understands. I just want him to break up in such a way as to show that I know everything and that I am sick and tired of his actions and I don't want to put up with his crap anymore.

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Originally Posted by I_fade_away

To make a long story short, over the course of 2 and a half years my boyfriends actions have caused me great pain, completely ruined my self-esteem and worth. He has caused me so much sadness, anger, confusion. At first I didn't leave because he had a way with his words and would somehow always convince me of a "great" guy he is (his words). Over time I discovered emails from random women, hook-up and dating websites, texts and calls, and in the end he always denied it. Somehow all this pain he was causing me was my fault. I know I am stupid for nothing leaving at the first sign of cheating, but I was in love and stupid and somehow always believed that if I just do a little more for him that maybe he would change. He never does anything romantic for me, he never hugs or kisses me, let alone do anything else. I also thought something was wrong with me, and until him I never thought of myself as ugly. I was always happy with my looks. I am at the stage where I dont feel any emotion. I am numb to everything. I want to scream and yell at him and show him all the evidence in his face that I know about the women he texts and the stuff he says! I wish I knew myself why I haven't left yet and I can't talk to anyone about this because no one understands. I just want him to break up in such a way as to show that I know everything and that I am sick and tired of his actions and I don't want to put up with his crap anymore.

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So... I have to ask... why haven't you left him yet... and why do you continue after 2.5 years of this?

Like I said. I don't know. I have a very close relationship to his mother and his friends. But I don't want to be with him and I am tired of his lies. I want to dump him and I need advice on how to do it. Why can't people just answer the question best they can? Pretty sure I already stated that I don't know why and that I am confused just looking for someone to vent to who can relate.

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Originally Posted by I_fade_away

Like I said. I don't know. I have a very close relationship to his mother and his friends. But I don't want to be with him and I am tired of his lies. I want to dump him and I need advice on how to do it. Why can't people just answer the question best they can? Pretty sure I already stated that I don't know why and that I am confused just looking for someone to vent to who can relate.

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Well, this isn't a venting site... its a question site. And maybe because the site rules are very specific in that you can't dictate who answers and how. That's what blogs are for.

You need advice on how to walk away? Simple... you walk away.. move out.. you do whatever you have to do to put distance between him and yourself. Instead of getting cocky when asked a simple question... try answering it. Because it was a very valid question. There has to be a reason you don't leave and stay for more of that... and " I don't know" isn't the answer. Everyone has a reason for everything. And you need to face it... to deal with it... and come to terms with it.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Well, this isn't a venting site...its a question site. And maybe because the site rules are very specific in that you can't dictate who answers and how. Thats what blogs are for.

You need advice on how to walk away? Simple...you walk away..move out..you do whatever you have to do to put distance between him and yourself. Instead of getting cocky when asked a simple question....try answering it. Because it was a very valid question. There has to be a reason you don't leave and stay for more of that.....and " I don't know" isn't the answer. Everyone has a reason for everything. And you need to face it.....to deal with it...and come to terms with it.

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I am far from cocky though. I am nothing. I was just looking for someone to understand me. Thanks for your help. Think I'll stir away from any online help at all. Sorry you felt I was being cocky

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Originally Posted by I_fade_away

Like I said. I don't know. I have a very close relationship to his mother and his friends. But I don't want to be with him and I am tired of his lies. I want to dump him and I need advice on how to do it. Why can't people just answer the question best they can? Pretty sure I already stated that I don't know why and that I am confused just looking for someone to vent to who can relate.

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Read the highlighted part of your post... thats where I got that from.

You are in charge of your own life... if you don't like how you feel like you are being treated... then be an adult take ownership and leave. If its so bad... only you know why you would rather stay for more. Leaving is easy... you just do it. He's not holding you prisoner... you are doing that to yourself. That makes it your fault now and not his.

If you aren't willing to even try to help yourself... then nobody else will be able to help either.

Leaving is not the same as getting over it... leaving is easy as getting the mail... getting over it is a lot harder...

Nobody can treat you like a doormat unless you allow them to.

I'm not being mean... I'm trying to get you to wake up and see this for what it is...

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Read the highlighted part of your post.....thats where I got that from.

You are in charge of your own life....if you don't like how you feel like you are being treated....then be an adult take ownership and leave. If its so bad...only you know why you would rather stay for more. Leaving is easy...you just do it. He's not holding you prisoner...you are doing that to yourself. That makes it your fault now and not his.

If you aren't willing to even try to help yourself....then nobody else will be able to help either.

Leaving is not the same as getting over it....leaving is easy as getting the mail.....getting over it is a lot harder...

Nobody can treat you like a doormat unless you allow them to.

I'm not being mean...I'm trying to get you to wake up and see this for what it is....

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But why is it so hard to leave? I know I don't want to be with him because I know I don't deserve to be treated like this. Yet I am too scared to bring it up to him and leave. And it makes me so mad because I wish I just could.

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Originally Posted by I_fade_away

But why is it so hard to leave? I know I don't want to be with him because I know I don't deserve to be treated like this. Yet I am too scared to bring it up to him and leave. And it makes me so mad because I wish I just could.

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That's because you are used to this... people tend to shy away from change... its easier to stay someplace even if its bad,, than it is to go into the great unknown.

Honestly... after this long... talking about it is unlikely to change anything. I could understand a rough patch... but a "rough patch" ended years ago.

Find family that could put you up until you get your affairs in order. I assume he's not living in YOUR place now... If it IS your place that will change things.

Write a note and leave it when you move out... get help from friends to move... I don't know if he has violent tendencies... but if he does... then it's a good idea to do this when he is at work.

Me, I'd confront them... but sometimes its just easier to make a quiet exit. Be glad you don't have kids and aren't married. There are plenty of guys out there that will show you the attention you desire. You know its not this guys thing.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

THats because you are used to this.....people tend to shy away from change...its easier to stay someplace even if its bad,,,than it is to go into the great unknown.

Honestly....after this long...talking about it is unlikely to change anything. I could understand a rough patch...but a "rough patch" ended years ago.

Find family that could put you up until you get your affairs in order. I assume he's not living in YOUR place now...If it IS your place that will change things.

Write a note and leave it when you move out...get help from friends to move...I don't know if he has violent tendencies...but if he does...then its a good idea to do this when he is at work.

Me, I'd confront them....but sometimes its just easier to make a quiet exit. Be glad you don't have kids and aren't married. There are plenty of guys out there that will show you the attention you desire. You know its not this guys thing.

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Well I don't live with him. It doesn't matter if I confront him because he just sits there and stares at the floor. He never has anything to say which causes me to be more frustrated. I think I'll break it off tomorrow. I'll go to his house, tell him what needs to be said and not look back. Seriously, I don't know why I care about leaving him after all he's done. Maybe it's because I'm a kind-hearted person...

You are lucky you aren't living together... that puts you in a better position.

Being kind hearted along with human nature to to stick with the devil you know vs the devil you don't is why we stick around long after common sense tells us we should have left.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

You are lucky you aren't living together...that puts you in a better position.

Being kind hearted along with human nature to to stick with the devil you know vs the devil you don't is why we stick around long after common sense tells us we should have left.

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You have made me realize a lot of things. Sorry we started on a bad note, and thank you for understanding and taking the time to help me. I'll update after I speak to him tomorrow.

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Originally Posted by I_fade_away

You have made me realize a lot of things. Sorry we started off on a bad note, and thank you for understanding and taking the time to help me. I'll update after I speak to him tomorrow.

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You are welcome. Many of us have learned this lesson the hard way... sticking around long after we should have walked out on a relationship... myself included. So I tell you these things from personal experience.