Ask Me Help Desk - Break up/ break

So about a year or so I cheated on my boyfriend. We weren't working out and there was a lot of signs of him cheating so I did the cowardly thing and cheated! We got back together after 2 months but within those 2 months that we weren't together it was like we were cause we were still seeing each other and acting like nothing happened. He snitched on me with my parents about me sleeping with another guy and other things I had done. Well we got back together and everything was fine up to this year in April when he broke up with me cause I lied to him about who I went to with on the weekend. He first the first time ever accused me of cheating on him again but it was my fault for lying to him since I never do and I am bad at it cause he caught me in the line immediately. Well he broke up with me for lying and I got so mad that the following weekend I started to see this guy not dating but hanging out my ex came around wanting me back but I was so mad and stubborn that I kept on telling him no and that we were better off without each other we now are about to have 2 months broken up but again we kept seeing each other and acting like a couple so in reality we had a whole week that we didn't see each other at all not communicated. So after a while of seeing this new guy I decided to tell that guy that I didn't want anything serious and I missed my ex so much. When I went back to him he said he needed time, time to figure out if he really wants to be with me cause I hurt him and we never really have each other the space we needed. As of today we are starting our "break" for him to know whether he misses me or not. But I am scared that he will move on and not want to be with me. I miss him and want thing to be better between us. What do you think about our situation? This has only been our second "big" break up but this time we will give each other our space. We decided to not communicate at all, no texts, calls, emails nor fb. Will this work? I need an outsiders input. I hadn't seen him in a whole week nor communicated then we saw each other this past tues and his heart was beating like crazy. He says he loves me and I know he does but he is hurt! He says if we get back together he wants to be all in it and be ready and not have resentment towards me. We also agreed that if we meet anyone and if we are interested to go for it. & well we didn't say how long the break would be, I told him until he needs it!

You two are most definitely not meant to be together. It didn't work out the first two times, so what makes you think you'll both work out again. Go completely no contact with him and start moving on. You can find someone who can treat you better than that, maybe even someone who you won't be tempted to cheat on.

This is only the second time, when we broke up the first time my mon told me to give each other space, for a while but we didn't listen and literally got back together right away! As I talked to him on Saturday he said that he got over the fact that I started to talk to a new guy right away but that what's hurting him is the time that I cheated. That he is in need of the space for that. I am going NC for as long as he wants but I am not stopping my life for him because if he moves on there's nothing I can do. Yes I do know that there may be guys out there that may treat me better but this guy is a good guy! I am so hurt and confused though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

You two are most definately not meant to be together. It didn't work out the first two times, so what makes you think you'll both work out again. Go completely no contact with him and start moving on. You can find someone who can treat you better than that, maybe even someone who you wont be tempted to cheat on.

This is only the second time, when we broke up the first time my mon told me to give each other space, for a while but we didn't listen and literally got back together right away! As I talked to him on Saturday he said that he got over the fact that I started to talk to a new guy right away but that what's hurting him is the time that I cheated. That he is in need of the space for that. I am going NC for as long as he wants but I am not stopping my life for him because if he moves on there's nothing I can do. Yes I do know that there may be guys out there that may treat me better but this guy is a good guy! I am so hurt and confused though.

Sorry I misunderstood, but my answer still stands,

If it didn't work the first time, what makes you think it will a second.

Move on, and go no contact forever. If he wants you back don't let him, you both need to get over each other and find new people. People you're meant to be with.

It's just so hard!! How do I tell my heart to let go when it doesn't want to? And I know he feels the same way cause his heart says it all.

You can't tell your heart to stop loving, you need to make it stop loving. Stop talking to him, try some new things, keep active. Eventually your mind will erase and your heart will let go. Time is your friend, it will heal you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittleOne0206

So about a year or so I cheated on my boyfriend. We weren't working out and there was a lot of signs of him cheating so I did the cowardly thing and cheated!...This has only been our second "big" break up...

I hear this sort of story time and time again.

Simple: You two are not mentally mature enough to have a relationship. You need to not only forget about him and go completely no contact, but also take time out of any sort of relationship to be single.

Reasons you shouldn't have a relationship with him again:
1) You thought he was cheating, so you cheated. This not only shows that you didn't love each other, it shows that you didn't trust him. No relationship works without trust, or love for that matter.
2) You don't love him, you are infatuated with him. The fact that it appears you can not go any period without thinking about him or wanting to see him, even when he has been unfaithful e.t.c, shows that it is not love but infatuated. These two feelings are always confused, especially when you are young and inexperienced.
3) You do not know what you want from a relationship. You continuously go back to someone who is unfaithful, why would you want that? You lied to him; if you loved him you wouldn't have lied. Simple.
4)Your relationship is not healthy Taking into account the previous three factors, and the fact you two have broken up on more than one occasion, you CAN NOT have a relationship with him again.

Overall, you need to forget about him and go no contact (and I mean complete no contact, e.g. block him and delete him from social networking e.t.c.) I know this is hard, but trust me you will be a better person after, you WILL find someone better and have a healthy relationship. You need to be single so you can find yourself and love yourself again; you DO NOT need a relationship to be happy... you need to be a happy person to have a relationship. Also being single will help you to mature mentally so you can work out what you want from a relationship in the future.

I hope this is helpful. Be strong and good luck :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by rocketman11

I hear this sort of story time and time again.

Simple: You two are not mentally mature enough to have a relationship. You need to not only forget about him and go completely no contact, but also take time out of any sort of relationship to be single.

Reasons why you shouldn't have a relationship with him again:
1) You thought he was cheating, so you cheated. This not only shows that you didn't love each other, it shows that you didn't trust him. No relationship works without trust, or love for that matter.
2) You don't love him, you are infatuated with him. The fact that it appears you can not go any period of time without thinking about him or wanting to see him, even when he has been unfaithful e.t.c, shows that it is not love but infatuated. These two feelings are always confused, especially when you are young and inexperienced.
3) You do not know what you want from a relationship. You continuously go back to someone who is unfaithful, why would you want that? You lied to him; if you loved him you wouldn't have lied. simple.
4)Your relationship is not healthy Taking into account the previous three factors, and the fact you two have broken up on more than one occasion, you CAN NOT have a relationship with him again.

Overall, you need to forget about him and go no contact (and i mean complete no contact, e.g. block him and delete him from social networking e.t.c.) I know this is hard, but trust me you will be a better person after, you WILL find someone better and have a healthy relationship. You need to be single so you can find yourself and love yourself again; you DO NOT need a relationship to be happy...you need to be a happy person to have a relationship. Also being single will help you to mature mentally so you can work out what you want from a relationship in the future.

I hope this is helpful. Be strong and good luck :)

I know I am not infatuated with him for a fact the reason for it is because I once was infatuated with a previous boyfriend and I knew it because the signs were different, it was my mind that wanted to be with him but in this case my heart wants to. I know we both acted immature about the whole thing but for some reason you and the other guy think that I need something better? Yes I didn't trust him at the time but as time went by he showed me that I could trust him. I can live without him an I don't need him but I want him. My friend had a similar situation except hers was waaay worst and she gave her boyfriend 3 breaks and now they are great together. I am not saying this will happen to me but I have hope that things will get better. I am capable of moving on because for that whole week that we didn't communicate at all I was fine! I wasn't crying anymore and was able to get my sleep back but when I saw him again my heart just wanted him and so did his! His heart was going insane and I could feel it. So I am just confused to what he really is asking for? He says he needs a break to be able to be with me without resentment, he says he loves me and will regret losing me if I find somebody else but he wants to be happy and make me happy completely not just be with me because I am ready when he is not.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittleOne0206

I know I am not infatuated with him for a fact the reason for it is because I once was infatuated with a previous bf and I knew it because the signs were different, it was my mind that wanted to be with him but in this case my heart wants to. I know we both acted immature about the whole thing but for some reason you and the other guy think that I need something better? Yes I didn't trust him at the time but as time went by he showed me that I could trust him. I can live without him an I don't need him but I want him. My friend had a similar situation except hers was waaay worst and she gave her bf 3 breaks and now they are great together. I am not saying this will happen to me but I have hope that things will get better. I am capable of moving on because for that whole week that we didn't communicate at all I was fine! I wasn't crying anymore and was able to get my sleep back but when I saw him again my heart just wanted him and so did his! His heart was going insane and I could feel it. So I am just confused to what he really is asking for? He says he needs a break to be able to be with me without resentment, he says he loves me and will regret losing me if I find somebody else but he wants to be happy and make me happy completely not just be with me because I am ready when he is not.

When he says he needs a break to be able to be with you without resentment he means he wants to get over the hurt and the pain of the break up so he can have a healthy relationship with you again. You must respect his request because it shows that he does love you and that he wants to work things out between you two.

You must make sure that you let him heal under his own steam and try not to push him into going straight back into a relationship. Time is a healer! Be a friend to him, but don't be a lover just yet, he will respect you for respecting his wishes.

Good relationships = love + repsect + communication + faithfullness. I am sure that if you these things into practice your relationship will be a good one.

I really do hope things work out :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by rocketman11

When he says he needs a break to be able to be with you without resentment he means he wants to get over the hurt and the pain of the break up so he can have a healthy relationship with you again. You must respect his request because it shows that he does love you and that he wants to work things out between you two.

You must make sure that you let him heal under his own steam and try not to push him into going straight back into a relationship. Time is a healer! Be a freind to him, but don't be a lover just yet, he will respect you for respecting his wishes.

Good relationships = love + repsect + communication + faithfullness. I am sure that if you these things into practice your relationship will be a good one.

I really do hope things work out :)

You brought tears to my eyes! Thank you so much for your advice! I really needed this! & yes you are right time healed everything and well if we are meant to be we will be :) so should I cut communication with him though? In a way I feel that it would be best!

Quote:

Originally Posted by LittleOne0206

You brought tears to my eyes! Thank you so much for your advice!! I really needed this! & yes you are right time healed everything and well if we are meant to be we will be :) so should I cut communication with him though? In a way I feel that it would be best!

Yes try and cut communication with him for the moment. Do not communicate with him by text, email, calls e.t.c, but if you happen to bump into each other just say a casual "hi", and try to keep conversation to a minimum.