I am in this relationship since 2003. We broke up for half a year because he wasn't sure I am the one for him. He had been looking for relationship for half a year from on-line dating sites after we broke up. But he can't find any good match, so he asked me to forgive him what he had done and go on to this relationship with me, he said, he realize I am the one he wanted, and he can't find any better out there the way I treat him. So I forgave him and we were back together half a year ago. I am living in his apartment because he want to avoid separate and keep this relationship go on. But I still have my own apartment because his apartment doesn't fit everything that I had. On the other hand, we still look for a bigger apartment and combine together.
Now I am the one take care of everything in his house, even clothing. And my own apartment rent. Except he is still paying his rent and power & gas. And he says, it doesn't mater any more who's who's money. And I have no problem with that at least we don't have money issue in the relationship that most people had.
We were planning for vacation. And he said he will take care of it. So we booked everything and ready to go next month. He wrote down how much he paid and wants me to pay my portion. I remind him that he said he would like to take care of the vacation. He said he doesn't remember he said that, and he said I should pay for vacation myself. I am OK if I pay for my vacation but I thought we are combining like he said it doesn’t matter who's who's money. I will not happy if I pay for it because he said he doesn't remember to say that, and I will not happy either if I don't pay him and now I know he is unwilling to pay for my vacation. I don't know what I should do, should I pay for the vacation and try not to make a big deal of it? Should I ask him to pay half of the expense of grocery & household shopping and make is fair? Please help!! :(

Money can be a big problem in relationships if you let it. The key thing I see is to not play he said she said. Regardless what you think he said he obviously would like you to pay your half. I say suck it up and pay for your half. Obviously you don't want to do that but you need to. I would not bring up groceries or what not for the time being. If you know he is unwilling then there is no reason fighting with him on it. I am sure you can find a way to hold it over his head, although you are better off sweeping it under the rug. It may hurt your pride and I am not saying to do it every time but in this instance let it go.

If a situation like this arises again, tell him if you go on vacation that you can't afford to go. And if he is like I will pay for it then there you go. Don't let money ruin a perfectly a good relationship but also don't let him pretend or not have to remember things that he said in the past either.

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But I still have my own apartment because his apartment doesn't fit everything that I had. On the other hand, we still look for a bigger apartment and combine together.

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What does this mean? You maintain your own place but live with him? In other words your keeping one foot out the door, as storage would be cheaper, so straighten me out here.

For me, this would be unacceptable. I want to feel a bit taken care of in a relationship. You are doing your part in taking care of him. Where is the turnabout? I want give and take. If you are always on the giving side and never receive, you are going to tap out financially and emotionally.

This is just my take on this. Money should not be his main issue this early in your relationship. It may be a warning sign of things to come.

If you want to back out of this vacation until you two talk this out and the conclusion satisfies you, then do it. The reason being, you seem to feel used from what I am getting from your post, (maybe I am wrong), and if I am right, you need to fight for your relationsship to feel right or find a guy who will do that for you.

They are still out there you know. I have a prince, and this situation would not have come up when we were dating.With my first husband... well, he was of a different breed altogether. Husband number one was a huge taker!

Whatever you decide, decide for you first and foremost as you have to live with your decisions. Good luck sweetness. You deserve the best! Never forget that.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

What does this mean? You maintain your own place but live with him? In other words your keeping one foot out the door, as storage would be cheaper, so straighten me out here.

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We still looking for bigger apartment for combine together. In the mean time I'm living with him because he want to avoid the sepreate and keep the relationship go on. Also, I have two cats. And I can't take my cats with me because his apartment not allowed pets. That's why I still keep my apartment for my cats and furnature until find a bigger apartment, then I can bring my cats with me.

Sounds like he's wanting his cake and eat it too. When it comes to his expenses, everything's shared and it doesn't matter whose money is whose. However, when it comes to your expenses, everybody pays his/her own way with their own money. Sounds like quite the double standard. I can certainly see why you'd be concerned, not just about the money but the principle. I'd go real slow with this one and be very careful and watchful before making any real, lasting commitment. He sounds like he's an "it's all about me" type. That doesn't make for good relationships ; in fact, it spells disaster. Watch out.

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Originally Posted by sexybeasty

For me, this would be unacceptable. I want to feel a bit taken care of in a relationship. You are doing your part in taking care of him. Where is the turnabout? I want give and take. If you are always on the giving side and never receive, you are gonna tap out financially and emotionally.

This is just my take on this. Money should not be his main issue this early in your relationship. It may be a warning sign of things to come.

If you want to back out of this vacation until you two talk this out and the conclusion satisfies you, then do it. The reason being, you seem to feel used from what I am getting from your post, (maybe I am wrong), and if I am right, you need to fight for your relationsship to feel right or find a guy who will do that for you.

They are still out there you know. I have a prince, and this situation would not have come up when we were dating.With my first husband...well, he was of a different breed altogether. Husband number one was a huge taker!!

Whatever you decide, decide for you first and foremost as you have to live with your decisions. Good luck sweetness. You deserve the best!!Never forget that.

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I don't feel I been used, but I am unhappy that he want me to pay beucase he doesn't remember he said he would take care of it before. He did pay for few time local trip vacation (under$100). He said, this vacation is a big amount (about $1600). And he doesn't like I expected him to pay. I didn't expected him to pay. I was expected because he said so. And I was dispointing the way he see our relationship...

To me this relationship doesn't sound very stable even if you take the money issues out. He dumped you and then when he could find any other takers he came crawling back. That's not a solid foundation. I realize you didn't ask about that - but you did include it.

The very fact that included it makes me believe you did so because you have the same thoughts I am having and that he is not as committed to you as you are to him. That is only furthered by the notion that he want's you to start paying for his living expenses and half his vacation.

Given his history I'd say you have great cause for alarm and I'd tell him he needs to move back home for the time being until you both can work out a living arrangement that includes all facets of your relationship including money. It's one thing to step up for a month or two if he loses his job but it's a whole different story to be supporting him outright.

This may be the first of many disappointments so I would go very slow and watch that finances are not used to control you. Money is what makes many a good couple split up. Be aware of this as honest communication is what will be the glue in a good relationship and since he is planning everything then he should pay. Period. Now I'm sure you could suggest a more affordable vacation for your budget. I am so sorry but I don't like these arrangement because I honestly think he has selective memory. He has decided what you can afford, and ain't that much love in the world to make me trust someone who doesn't remember the promise they made to me. Again sorry just me.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

This may be the first of many disappointments so I would go very slow and watch that finances are not used to control you. Money is what makes many a good couple split up. Be aware of this as honest communication is what will be the glue in a good relationship and since he is planning everything then he should pay. Period. Now I'm sure you could suggest a more affordable vacation for your budget. I am so sorry but I don't like these arrangement because I honestly think he has selective memory. He has decided what you can afford, and ain't that much love in the world to make me trust someone who doesn't remember the promise they made to me. Again sorry just me.

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Thank you so much for the advance. I don't want money issue in our relationship. Just like you said, he does selecting things that he should pay. He said, last time he paid for the vacation, and he doesn't like I expected him to pay every vacation. Also, because this time is a large amounts (about $1600). I never expected him to pay my vacation, because he said he will pay this time that's why. I think maybe I should just pay for him, like Nohitter410 says. Hope he will see the way of the relationship differently. :(

Sorry for your sad face at the end of your statement. If the face doesn't turn happy in a few months, come back and lets talk it over sweetie.

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Originally Posted by sexybeasty

Sorry for your sad face at the end of your statement. If the face doesn't turn happy in a few months, come back and lets talk it over sweetie.

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Thank you for your concerned. I'm appreciate it very much! I'll come back here and talk again if doesn't worked out.:o