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my boyfriend/fiance has a bad past. he used to do, sell drugs, and be a manwhore. but i changed him from those things, but now that hes doesnt do that and that hes 19 he thinks he can go clubbing. he says since i dont let him smoke anymore that going clubbing with all his guys friend (which do drugs) releases his stress. he blows me off like from picking me up from dance practice or school to go hang out with them. how do i get him to want to stop?
Go clubbing with them hang out with them enjoy your time with them.
Other than that sit and talk to him make him understand how you feel.
Dear confused,Quote:
Originally Posted by xConfusednlifex
If this guy is going to be your fiancé as your post says , then you should probably have a talk with him . Just because he is 19 and thinks he's all high and mighty , that is not true ; girls have a lot of power over their boyfriends.
Maybe you could try going clubbing with them sometimes, bring your girlfriends and see how you like it . If you really detest it , try to talk to him and convince him that you really don't thinks it's a ghood idea for him to be blowing you off.
Blowing someone off is a really TERRIBLE thing to do , perosonally I detest it ,a don't think that whoever likes to blow off their girlfriends are jerks.
But that may not be the case,
So here's the deal: if you like clubbing, try it with him , make sure he isn't doing anything he used to do in his past. (teenage years are terrible)
If you don't want to try clubbing with him , make a deal that he should stop blowing you off and only be clubbing once MAYBE twice a week .
Hope this helps,
Love
Linds
I guess my question is, Is he allowed to have a life outside of you? You can't nor should you ever try and change somebody. All your going to do by limiting him from having fun is resent you. If going clubbing is a release and way to get some tension out then let him take it. Just because he is your fiancé does not make him your slave. He has a life outside of yours. If you don't let him live his life, you won't be living yours with him.Quote:
Originally Posted by xConfusednlifex
Do you really think you've changed him as you claim? All that past history and he's only 19? And he still insists on hanging with guys who, by your own admission, do drugs? I don't seriously think you're going to get him to want to stop and he's not going to stop. You're still in school and you have your whole future ahead of you. Is this really the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Do your parents approve of this person? Frankly this is someone I wouldn't let my daughter touch with a 10-foot pole. I'd give this one lots of careful consideration.
Don't let the physical aspects of the relationship or let yourself believe that he will change. His behaviors may change slightly but the person's personality is the person's personality. If a guy loves clubbing and loves the crazy lifestyle as much as you say he does, no woman is really going to change that especially at the age of 19.
He would need to mature and go through some pretty hard times to realize that isn't the life he wants to lead. But for you, you need to understand you are so young and have so much life to live and haven't even reached the cusp of anything yet. He may be great in bed, or have a fun and easy going personality but don't let that suade you into believing he is something he is not. Once you realize that complacency and taking the safe and easy route by staying with someone for the sake of familiarity and understand that you can find others that can offer you some of the things this guy does but with a lot less stress and heartaches you will be much better off.
One more things you said he has a bad past, by your words it seems like the past is very much the present and very soon to be a future and a road that you may not want to cross.
Anyone you have to change to be perfect for you ain't worth it, and is not only controlling but unhealthy. I can bet you haven't changed him at all just pushed him underground to keep you off his back. It would be heathier to start with a good guy and grow together, as you will always feel the need to fix this dude to match what you want, but trust me this path your on will backfire and bite you in the butt, when he gets tired of your control tactics.
It seems to me that he still might be hooked on drugs, that`s why he`s blowing you off cause for drug addicts, the drugs will come on 1st place, and you 2nd... You can`t change him or rescue him, he needs to want it himself... And why get engaged so early.. He don`t act like he`s engaged if he goes clubbing that much without you.. If you`re not happy, you should lose him.Quote:
Originally Posted by xConfusednlifex
Well this is just my opinion, I might be wrong, I might be right...
Good luck, girl.
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