I want to be adopted but I am a minor.
I live in a family where affection is unheard of. As of recent, my father has become calmer. But my mother is distant. My father used to be very angry, very aggressive. Manic. Impulsive. Loud. I've been hit in the past without reasoning. Without justification other than that of his own anger. I also had an experience of sexual abuse from a sibling when I was very young. I've grown up in a reality where I feel, genuinely, that I do not exist. My physical presence has always shocked me, every day. The existence of myself makes no sense to me. I was severely depressed for three years. No real help was offered. I cut myself for five. They have no idea. I starve myself, often. I know absolutely nothing about my mother and I'm sure she doesn't know anything about herself either. I do know she has been through a lot. She has been mugged, held to her head by a gun, she's been hi-jacked. She has had two miscarriages. She has been in a car accident. She has been the wife of a man who has been cheating on her for my whole life. She is not depressed. She is not empty. She is not emotional. She is materialistic and superficial. She doesn't know anything about me. At the risk of sounding like a whining teenager, I need to state that I am not understood in this family. I am the weird one. The silent one. I have, over the past year and a half, gotten to know my friend's mother. She is just like me. In terms of the realms in which we're from. We think the same. She makes me smile. She makes me cry whenever I have to leave her house. We openly express our love for one another. Mother and daughter love. She feels like my mother. I have never felt a love like this before, in my life. A child-like love, where ones mother's arms are so inviting. I wrote her a mother's day card and she cried. She is incredible. Constantly present in my mind. And when I'm with her I feel in place. She says she wishes she had had a daughter, she only has sons, whom are my friends from school. I'm 17 this year. When she says this, I say 'You can adopt me' and I laugh. And she says 'I will' - she loves me, guys. She is an incredible mother. Anyway, sorry about that- How could I go about being adopted? This woman is serious. And honestly, I feel there is nothing more I need in life than the love of a family. She is my family. Her presence is right. When I was depressed, she offered to pay for me to speak to a psychologist. She has taken me to a day-spa before. She loves me. I've never felt it before.
