I’ve been with my partner for 11 and half years I have always been up front and honest so when I meet him I told him I have a bone and muscle disease and I will end up where I can’t do some things like sex which he told me to my face that was OK as sex wasn’t everything. I felt something was going wrong when he would sit on the bed with his laptop I walk pass he would move suddenly wasn’t too hard to work out so I ripped the internet out from the bedroom and it’s now in the lounge.

As I am a severe insomniac I get sleep when my body shuts down. So around 11am I take my dog to bed and I get 2 hours sleep and while I’m asleep he is joining dating sights and look for woman where we live. There are 35 thousand people that live here. When I was able to have sex I always felt he wasn’t having it with me does that sound silly? Then I would get up during my sleep time to get drink or go bathroom and the cry would be gone that got my wondering and I then stay up see how long it he gets home often a hour an half later he comes him says things like he went to the car store or food store and didn’t have this or that and wouldn’t have any bags or items HMM

So I brought a DRUP Keynoter and I find out he had been chatting with many woman here where we live and he has a phone he sleeps with he talks all sorts of sexy stuff to these woman they have his phone number (he don’t know that I now have that phone number) then I notice out budget money would be way short were both on pensions so we have to watch our pennies. The first time he cheated I said he had to earn my trust it will take some time after 3 months he smothered me ask for a hug OK no worried I can do that then ask for a kiss even when I can’t breathe from the wheezing from asthma and he would try every darn time to have sex but I won't cause it is not me he would be having it with. I can’t say 100% if he has had sex with these other woman or if they have met face to face but I am working of that one I want him to have tests to make sure he is clean as I can’t afford any germs with my disease.

If he leave I won’t be able to afford to live in my home and will be eating nothing most of the time because I’m left with only 90a for night after I pay the bills we use his money to feed us.

I through about telling him I know he is cheating even proving to him I know and letting him explain his actions to me. I have even said I’m sorry cause I can’t have sex with you but I did tell you what the disease will do I feel so depressed and frustrated cause I can’t have sex because of my illness I’ve even tried to explain to him it’s NOT all about him I have chemo treatment every 3 months to help this disease (not cancer) he used to come support me but not any more I’m feel so alone and empty. Would seeing a sex councilors help. Anyone offer some advice. I know I should kick him to the curb but who else would want to be with a cripple person like me who can’t get sex cause men seen to think it’s there darn right to have it, and I just can’t.

Thank you

I don't mean to minimize your situation, or illness, but you seem to be dependent on an unreliable partner, and that's unfortunate, and frustrating I know. Once the trust was broken, there still remains a lot of suspicion on your part, and since you have embarked down a road of surveillance to verify your fears, you must also have an exit strategy for what to do about it.

If indeed he is running around like a hound dog, as you suspect, you either allow it, confront it, and arrange for removal of him and this fear from your life, and lose the security you have financially with this fellow.

I think I would have to have FACTS, know for sure what was going on and move forward from there and that may require you to come clean on your part, and have him come clean on his so a decision can be made about what comes next.

Without this kind of honesty, and communications between you, you are stuck in a very frustrating situation that cannot improve. Tell him what you have, and see what he has to say for himself, then you both decide what the rules are to move ahead together, or apart.