OK, get ready, I'm about to sound like the worst person in the world. I am so sorry. I'm a bit of a liar. I became bored with my life, so to make up for it, I told lies so I'd get attention and be less bored and so that I could “live” in my lies. But now the “entertainment” has worn off and I want to die. My name is Melissa, and I told one of my friends and my closest friend that I have been raped 2 times (I know, horrible right? 2 of my friends have been raped, and I still did it). I told it to my closest friend because I also wanted her to feel not alone (she was one person who had been raped) Horrible. Horrible me. And I also fabricated a huge lie that went on for a while where I was going to parties and having sex and doing drugs and drinking. Horrible. So I lied and said I had sex 15 times. Meanwhile, I am actually a virgin. And, I have NEVER done drugs. Or gone to any parties. The drinking- yes, I actually kind of had a problem... Anyway, the friend I had told about these things I had a crush on- I told him these annoying, fabricated, horrible lies so that he'd give me more attention or some horrible a** bullsh*t my brain thought was a good idea to do. I know. And now that friend is my boyfriend. Meaning my boyfriend thinks my past is filled with sex, drugs, drinking, and parties. And I know it's selfish, but I don't want to tell him that it isn't true- even though I want to more than anything to tell him that it's all lies. But I love him too much for him to leave me. I LOVE him. I have actually never loved someone before. And so, the thought that I could never tell him I lied to him about that serious of stuff for that long has made me cut and attempt suicide twice. My arm is filled with scars. And if he ends up leaving me... well I'm afraid of what I might do. I'm so sorry. I know I should “come clean” but you have to realize- a lie that huge will end our relationship. And I wouldn't be able to go on. This is killing me, him leaving would be worse. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I want to die every day. I'm sorry. I have learned my lesson, I've made it my promise to never lie again, but that lie- it just has to stay. I'm a horrible person. I'm so sorry. How should I cope? Should I just kill myself and get it over with? Please help me...

How old are you?

Suicide is for cowards. Anyway - no one here is going to tell you it's a good idea to kill yourself. If you do no one else wants to be part of that.

Are you cutting because it takes away the emotional pain of living with your lies OR it takes away the fear of him leaving OR something else - ?

If he loves you despite the cutting, despite what he THINKS your past is, why would he leave you based on lies which make you look worse, not better? Or am I missing something? You were a virgin but made up a fairly "wild" past, a past he didn't question when the two of you made love (or had sex or whatever)?

You can tell him the truth and risk losing him; you can live the lie and try to cope with your feelings about lying; you can get counseling and try to deal with your need for attention and the cutting.

I don't think you're the worst person in the World, by the way. People make decisions to do or say things all the time, decisions that end up to not be the right thing as time goes on. How many people did you tell about the fabricated past?

Two of your friends were raped?

Yes, two were raped. And I cut because of the lies, yes. And I only told two people.

Tell the truth, make the past the truth, and make the future the truth.

If you do, and your boyfriend wants another 'type' of girlfriend- you win. Tell your other friends the truth, and they will forgive you. The lies you told were about yourself, and the only person harmed by them, was you.

We all do stupid things, and say stupid things, and make up stories at some point in our lives. But, it is not natural, right? It doesn't feel right, although what we were expecting in return, seemed, at the time, worth the lie- i.e. to get the attention of a certain someone, to seem more experienced in life than we actually are, to help a friend seem like they are not alone.

Your conscience is eating at you, and the guilt is getting to be far more serious than the lies. Cutting is the result of all that you have put upon your own shoulders with remorse, and not being able to cope with what you have done. You want to feel better.

Just tell the truth. At the next possible opportunity, tell the two people you told, that you didn't exactly tell the truth. No excuses. Then say what the truth is. Keep it simple. Allow for some conversation and questions- why did you do that, etc. Answer the best you can.

Should these lies catch up to you through the lies being passed on through mutual friends, you can then choose not to respond to gossip, because that is what is is. Don't further perpetuate the lies or impressions people have of you, by explaining yourself more than you have to.

Forgive yourself, lesson learned.

I tried to tell him but I backed out. And now he thinks I only lied about the amount. I bumped it from 15 to 2. I really can't live like this. Once I told him THAT was a lie, he became really mad and sad. There's no way I can tell him the rest. I'd rather die.

I'm troubled by the "want to die" references and so I'm out of this conversation.

Ok, please don't back out just this moment- I promise I won't die. I'm a teenage girl and a drama queen. But I just told him I lied. And now, he won't talk to me. I literally five minutes ago texted him it was all a lie. I need a bit of help right now. Please tell me what I did was the right thing or something? I'm desperate please.

Have you thought about talking to a professional hun? Lying for attention isn't uncommon, but it seems to have got a bit out of control for you? Lying is commonly used as a defence mechanism (whether you are aware of it or not) to mask your feelings of inadequacy, low self esteem or self worth. If you could talk things through with a trusted adult (school councillor etc) maybe it would help you to make sense of everything going on in your head? Cutting and suicidal thinking is always a big indicator that something's really affecting you, even though you may think its about the lies, there is probably much bigger things going on to cause you this much unhappiness, and which lead to you feeling you needed to lie in the first place. Things get better, trust me.. teenage years can be the best and the worst. It was right to tell the truth, but it will be hard to sort it out with your friend as the trust has been broken.. but try talk about it and if you explain why you did it and how your feeling, if he really cares about you, he should realise your not coping well and be there for you. If he can't cope then honey you need to try and move on from him, work on yourself and try your hardest to find good things about yourself so you don't feel you have to lie. Stay strong.

Yes, I'm checking into the psychiatric hospital today. My boyfriend is staying with me despite it. And our trust will never be the same. I love him though, and te fact that he's staying with me- well he is the most amazing, forgiving person ever. I love him. So much. Thank you.

And now you won't have such a huge secret/wall between you and you can really open up to him. Good luck hun

Thank you. So much. You have no idea how much you've helped.

So break up with this boyfriend, and move on with your life, and don't lie in the future, if they tell others, some may think you are a duggie and a slut, but they may not believe you if you told them the truth now either, they may think it is a lie and you are trying to clear your name.

The trouble with lies they can not be put back in a box, so stop telling any more,

I don't know what it says about your boyfriend that he would rather be attached to someone who has been with multiple partners, done drugs and partied like a fool, as opposed to someone who has not participated in these activities and has the guts to stand up and admit that they have been untruthful and want to set the record straight.
Since I don't know him or you there is no way any of us could predict how he will take the truth.
That said, can I say I think you need some help with this.
Drinking, cutting, how easily you can profess to want to die at such a young age bothers me.
Start with a guidance counselor at school and see where that takes you.
I got to tell you lies p**s people off, with good reason, break the trust and break the bond.
A dear friend of mine for years was a habitual liar we were very close, despite her little lies, for the most part they were harmless, nevertheless, still lies.
At some point I just couldn't trust anything that came out of her mouth, ending the friendship.
I know on my end had she simply said early on, "I'm sorry but I haven't been up front with you and I'd like to tell you the truth" we would still be friends today.
The fact of the matter she would have to tell 10 to cover up 1 and she couldn't stop.
Don't let yourself become this person.

I re-read your original post, after reading Judy's post above. Somehow I completely missed the attempted suicides.

I apologize for my original answer, not based on that very important fact.

It is very good that you are going to psychiatric hospital. That, is the right thing to do.

Take good care of yourself.

A lot happened while I was typing.
Yes good for you, you are still very young get the help you need now.
As for boyfriend, bravo for him for sticking by you,
Good luck and I wish you well.

Ok, so now everything feels weird and awkward. We're still talking and he still loves me, but now it doesn't feel the same. Please tell me this will go away with time?

Weird and awkward should be expected. You just came clean to someone you care about.
And he just realized that you are not perfect, no one is.
Give it time and see what happens.
So you are all checked in and getting the help you need?
I wish you well, don't backslide now, you've made great strides in just one day.

Yes, I'm getting the help. And thanks. I feel a lot better now. Though I feel guilty and horrible, I'm glad I'm not lying anymore. But now I have to tell my other friend. But I can't see her for a week. I just found out she's been moved to the psych ward and cannot get visitors. I'll have to tell her that her best friend(me) lied to her after her whole thing has passed. I'm not dumping the truth on her until she gets better. When she does, I'll tell her the whole truth.