I and my fiancé are getting married in a little less than 2 months, but I’m scared of making the wrong choice. I love him but I’m just not sexually attracted to him no more. I’ve broken his heart before and I broke up with him, and then noticed I didn’t want him to be with no one else but me, so we started dating.

He's a great human being, treats me like a queen. But since this whole wedding thing its getting me confused I don’t know what to do. The last time we had sex all I was thinking about was this coworker I’ve always had a crush on and lately I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him and I notice him staring at me more and more at work. I feel terrible, I’ve told my fiancé before that I’m not ready for marriage and I felt terrible after I couldn’t stop crying. So I told him no let’s just get married this year. He tells me if not ready we shouldn’t get married because he only wants to get married once.

I don't know how to tell him I’m not ready when all the planning is almost done, and everyone is expecting us to get married soon. Sometimes I think I just love him and that I’m not in love with him. But when his gone to work I miss him like crazy and apparently if I drink I call him and tell him I miss him like crazy. But yet lately we don’t have sex like that. I was a little sexually attracted to him no before and it moved into an emotional attraction, but it feels like it died, and I don't know what to do.

It's never too late until you're married, in this case. I would tell him, it's not fair for him to believe this whole time that you don't feel the same. Give him a chance to u-turn before he hits the dead-end.

Thank you, if anyone else has comments I'm welcomed with them

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Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

It's never too late until you're married, in this case. I would tell him, it's not fair for him to believe this whole time that you don't feel the same. Give him a chance to u-turn before he hits the dead-end.

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I sometimes feel ignorant like why am I questioning us I love him & others times I just can't stop thinking about that co-worker & the what if's.. I c how real in love couples play & goof around, & we don't :(.. I want that but he's not like the playful kind.. if we play it's a mild play & short..

Any more comments please!

PLEASE stop begging for additional comments. We are volunteers, answering many questions every day.

Why are you even considering marrying someone you don't love?

Simple advice: If you don't love him, don't marry him. You CAN NOT get married to someone you don't want to spend the rest of your life with.

You need to work out whether this "crush" is affecting your relationship with your fiancé. If it is just infatuation then try and let it go.

Did you stop feeling sexually attracted to your fiancé after this crush began, or before it began?

It was before the crush.. but the crush use to be just on and off before nothing serious like his cute and funny and that's it but now it feels like it just won't go away.. & I definitely don't want to have sex with my fiancé if I'm thinking about someone else. But I don't want to lose my fiancé his my Best-est friend but he isn't that funny as my crush. Idk what to do I don't want to make a wrong decision that I'm going to regret for the rest of my life.

I wasn't really sexually attracted to him when we first started dating, but the way he use to just treat me and love me, started an emotional attraction to him which lasted almost all these 4 years.

I've known my crush for the same amount. But when I met him I was single and I didn't try nothing with him because I didn't want to mix work with my personnel life.

I've talked to my sister about it and she says its just nerves, but I don't know.

How old are you? The best-est friend phrase and text speak lead me to believe you are young.

Am I right?

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Originally Posted by judykaytee

how old are you? The best-est friend phrase and text speak lead me to believe you are young.

Am i right?

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24

How long have you been engaged, and how long have you known each other?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

How long have you been engaged, and how long have you known each other?

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Engaged a year in July 29th.. dating for 4 years on aug 17, known each other for 6 years..

You need a break, to explore and experiment on your own, from what you have written, having been with this fellow since you were 20. He has become a safety zone because you both are growing and changing, and its natural after 4 years to plan long term.

The problem is your lack of honesty, with yourself, and him, because you already KNOW you are not ready for marriage, yet you let him think you are, OR let him push you to it. That's what has to stop. Stop making plans, Stop going along with setting dates, and stop being afraid of NOT giving him the marriage he wants NOW, SOON.

And stop being so easily distracted by feelings of fantasy and attraction to others. Its not wrong to daydream during sex, people do it all the time without guilt. Its not an indication of not being in love, its just personal lust and its fine as long as its keep in fantasy, and private, and not acted on.

But lack of honest communications, will destroy this relationship as fast as your inability to commit. You either have to be in it to win it, no matter what, or get out! That's what love is between a couple, willingness to work together forever, no matter what life throws at you.

That emotional excitement, or spark is sorely overrated, and subject to change with situations and circumstances. Especially since all us humans can have sparks for many at the same time. You need to understand that, and act within the boundaries of good behavior.

NOW tell him the truth, you ain't READY, and won't be for a while, and deal with the fall out from the truth, or pay the consequences of lying by omission, and NON action.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You need a break, to explore and experiment on your own, from what you have written, having been with this fellow since you were 20. He has become a safety zone because you both are growing and changing, and its natural after 4 years to plan long term.

The problem is your lack of honesty, with yourself, and him, because you already KNOW you are not ready for marriage, yet you let him think you are, OR let him push you to it. Thats what has to stop. Stop making plans, Stop going along with setting dates, and stop being afraid of NOT giving him the marriage he wants NOW, SOON.

And stop being so easily distracted by feelings of fantasy and attraction to others. Its not wrong to daydream during sex, people do it all the time without guilt. Its not an indication of not being in love, its just personal lust and its fine as long as its keep in fantasy, and private, and not acted on.

But lack of honest communications, will destroy this relationship as fast as your inability to commit. You either have to be in it to win it, no matter what, or get out! Thats what love is between a couple, willingness to work together forever, no matter what life throws at you.

That emotional excitement, or spark is sorely overrated, and subject to change with situations and circumstances. Especially since all us humans can have sparks for many at the same time. You need to understand that, and act within the boundaries of good behavior.

NOW tell him the truth, you ain't READY, and won't be for a while, and deal with the fall out from the truth, or pay the consequences of lying by omission, and NON action.

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**Applauds**

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You need a break, to explore and experiment on your own, from what you have written, having been with this fellow since you were 20. He has become a safety zone because you both are growing and changing, and its natural after 4 years to plan long term.

The problem is your lack of honesty, with yourself, and him, because you already KNOW you are not ready for marriage, yet you let him think you are, OR let him push you to it. Thats what has to stop. Stop making plans, Stop going along with setting dates, and stop being afraid of NOT giving him the marriage he wants NOW, SOON.

And stop being so easily distracted by feelings of fantasy and attraction to others. Its not wrong to daydream during sex, people do it all the time without guilt. Its not an indication of not being in love, its just personal lust and its fine as long as its keep in fantasy, and private, and not acted on.

But lack of honest communications, will destroy this relationship as fast as your inability to commit. You either have to be in it to win it, no matter what, or get out! Thats what love is between a couple, willingness to work together forever, no matter what life throws at you.

That emotional excitement, or spark is sorely overrated, and subject to change with situations and circumstances. Especially since all us humans can have sparks for many at the same time. You need to understand that, and act within the boundaries of good behavior.

NOW tell him the truth, you ain't READY, and won't be for a while, and deal with the fall out from the truth, or pay the consequences of lying by omission, and NON action.

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Thank you so much! I more than greatfull with your advice, now I feel that its OK that I do not marry him it will just be hard to break someone's heart when I very well know how it feels.

What you are feeling is the normal emotional force of attraction for someone else. It is possible for you to feel attracted to him, but he not to you. Both of you may connect when this emotional feeling is mutual. However, beware - over time your and his feelings of attraction will fade.

When the emotional force fades, you may hear the familiar phrase "I just don't love you anymore". The thing is that you never loved him and he never loved you, because love is a promise to do 4 things.
1. To accept everything that you know and do not know about him now.
2. To accept him as you both age - for better of worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health for as long as you both shall live. Even if he is disfigured by an accident or crippled by illness, you accept him.
3. To forgive him later. Since neither of you is perfect, you both depend on each others' forgiveness.
4. To encourage him to improve. This 4th one gives purpose to your relationship - otherwise it will get boring.

If you are both ready to make and keep these promises to each-other, then you are ready to love. When you keep them, you demonstrate your love for each-other.

Source: Attraction is a feeling. Love is a Promise. By Grenville Phillips, president of Walbrent College. (http://loveisapromise.wordpress.com)