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Affair

Hi,

I'm having an affair with a married woman. I love her & she loves me but she says she can't put her kids through breaking up the family. If she decided to leave we agreed we would leave it a number of months before we were together for everyone's sake. She feels torn about what she should do.

Question is should I walk away so she doesn't have to make any decision?

Thanks

You should have walked away from the very start. There's a long list of wrongs that accompany the word "affair", but it's too late now, you've already wrecked that home, whether she was in a bad relationship or not. Back off, before things get worse.

Not the answer I wanted to see!! I love her too much to walk away & she says she doesn't want me to.

But I know if we are to have a chance she has to leave but don't know if that's possible.

Thanks for the reply

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bertie321

Not the answer I wanted to see!!!!! I love her too much to walk away & she says she doesn't want me to.

But I know if we are to have a chance she has to leave but don't know if that's possible.

Thanks for the reply

Now what worries me is that you don't find your actions wrong in any way. Put yourself in her husbands shoes, how would you feel if your wife was running along telling another man that she loves him.

Now as far as an answer goes, you just need to back off, and let her decide whether she's going to move on from him or not, you have absolutely no control over that. If she does not want to ruin her family, you need to respect her decision and move on. Plain and simple.

But she says she's only staying for the kids & that she only wants to be with me.

Do I not need to save her from herself as surely it's not acceptable to let her live an unhappy life.

Yes, you should walk away, but not so that she doesn't have to make that decision, but because you should respect her and her marriage, and learn that married women are off limits to you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bertie321

But she says she's only staying for the kids & that she only wants to be with me.

Do I not need to save her from herself as surely it's not acceptable to let her live an unhappy life.

Like I said, it's out of your control. It's her relationship, and she needs to be the one to decide whether to leave it or not, not you. You can either sit around and wait or move on, it's your choice, but you have absolutely no control over the outcome of her relationship. That's her decision.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bertie321

Not the answer I wanted to see!!!!! I love her too much to walk away & she says she doesn't want me to.

But I know if we are to have a chance she has to leave but don't know if that's possible.

Thanks for the reply

'walk away' may not have been the answer you wanted to see, but that is the question you asked yourself and posted
It.

We have been through this whole scenario SO many times before. The woman does not want to leave her marriage for, whatever reason, huaband is not attentive any longer; ahe doesn't want to upset the kids... it goes on an on. The point here is, you are actually upsetting a marriage, and that is not right. She could probably go on forever seeing you and always giving excuses why she can't bring herself to leave, because, and the truth be told she really doesn't want to. She can have her cake and eat it too!

Old saying 'if you love them, let them go'.

Of course you walk away because she cheats with you, and may cheat on you. Keep in mind that she says she is unhappy with the guy she was happy enough to have kids with. So what makes you think the same won't happen to you, when things happen and she is unhappy with you?

Oh that's right, she would never cheat on you because you are in love, and so is she. Probably felt that way with her husband at on time.

For sure, you staying with a married woman isn't motivating her to divorce her husband who must not be to bad if she wants him to stay in her kids life. Maybe you show her more attentions, because you can and don't live with her, or her kids. Or maybe you are better in bed, I don't know, but I do know if she were as unhappy as she says she would do something about it. Oh, let me correct that, she is doing something about it with you, the guy on the side.

Of course you leave her alone until the divorce is final. Till then you are just the other guy, and she keeps her family life, and all that goes with it.

You guys obviously make slot of sense but in the other hand:

I know she is telling the truth that she wants to be with me & only there for the kids.

& I know that if she stays it's absolutely only for the kids sake but surely that's wrong for her, for him & for the kids?

If I did walk away I still think its wrong for her to stay & even unfair to everyone else involved.
And I say all this as someone who only wants the best for her whether we were ever to be together

Thanks

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bertie321

You guys obviously make slot of sense but in the other hand:

I kno she is telling the truth that she wants to be with me & only there for the kids.

& I kno that if she stays it's absolutely only for the the kids sake but surely that's wrong for her, for him & for the kids?

If I did walk away I still think its wrong for her to stay & even unfair to everyone else involved.
And I say all this as someone who only wants the best for her whether we were ever to be together

Thanks

You are oblivious and blinded by lust. Whether she is in an abusive relationship, or there is no love, or they resent each other. I've said it many times and I'll say it once more...

You have absolutely no control!

Save yourself the effort and time and move on. You're wasting your time on someone taken, when there are other girls out there. Quit eating the same flavour ice cream, but go try some different ones before you say it's the best.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bertie321

& I kno that if she stays it's absolutely only for the the kids sake but surely that's wrong for her, for him & for the kids?

Bertie, I feel your pain in all of this, and yes I totally agree that staying for the kids in her relationship is not good, not good for the kids. They are the ones who suffer in a monogamous relationship gone sour.

I did that and it doesn't work, and still not working even though my son is 30. And he still hurts.

I guess what it comes down to, you do what you have toi do to maintain the status quo.

Quote:

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

. Quit eating the same flavour ice cream, but go try some different ones before you say it's the best.

I like this analogy CObra.

Tick

Quote:

Originally Posted by tickle

I like this analogy CObra.

tick

Once said to me by the wisest man I know. My father. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

Once said to me by the wisest man I know. My father. :)

Ah yes, one of the best, a wise canadian dad

Quote:

Originally Posted by tickle

Bertie, I feel your pain in all of this, and yes I totally agree that staying for the kids in her relationship is not good, not good for the kids. They are the ones who suffer in a monogamous relationship gone sour.

I did that and it doesnt work, and still not working even though my son is 30. and he still hurts.

I guess what it comes down to, you do what you have toi do to maintain the status quo.

Tickle,

Are u agreeing with me that she's wrong to stay just for the kids & also meaning by maintaining the status quo that she should stay?

I'm somewhat offended by some other people's comments... I have never mentioned anything of a sexual nature in our relationship as it stands so I don't know why the word 'lust' has been mentioned?

Also, I have had plenty of ice cream flavours in my life! But it's fair to say everyone finds the most beautiful one sometime if there lucky enough & doesn't want to change. (bad analogy I know but you get the gist! )

I know the consensus is for me to walk away & maybe yes your right... but purely as someone who only wants the best for her I should advise her that she is stayng for wrong reasons. That if for reasons she says (only for kids) which I know is the case that this is no good for anybody, her, him or most importantly the kids. Surely deep down kids know a happy home from an unhappy one?

Thanks again.

Dude the very mention of affair is about sex, not just being a plutonic friend giving advice and wanting her for a wife. Why am I suspecting you want more but she wants something else, and I can bet she isn't as unhappy as she says.

That makes you the villain for trying to court a married woman. How old are hrr kids, so we get an idea of the timetable before she doesn't have to stay with this bad husband. And how dare you be offended when you are in the wrong!

You cannot justify your actions with the word love, that's an excuse to justify your actions and hers. Just as lame as she is staying in an unhappy marriage for the kids. The truth be told, you are a distraction from her doing the right thing at home to make home a happy place, and you really have no business swallowing her story completely without question.

I mean who does that unless they don't want to know the truth.

af·fair (-fâr)
n.

A romantic and sexual relationship, sometimes one of brief duration, between two people who are not married to each other.

Maybe choose your words then next time.