Ask Me Help Desk - I need to know what ogther people would do .

My boyfriend and I have been having a lot of problems... all we do is fight and argue... I hate it and I can't do it anymore... he quit his job lost his house and let his car go back he knows I'm pregnant and he dose this and then acts like I don't have a right to get mad at him and he hit me the night I told him that I was pregnant he hit me my mom hates him because she said that he did not just hit me he hit the baby tooo do you think he can Chang for me and the baby

There are a few "absolutes" in relationships as far as I'm concerned. One is that if you are hit, you leave. Period.

Can he change? Possibly... I would never completely rule out the possibility of a person seeing the error of their ways and changing. But this type of problem requires counseling and time. But you don't have time, and your child doesn't have time... you need to get in a safe, stable environment and let this loser stand or fall on his own.

Get out of this relationship. I know it isn't easy, and its harder now with the baby.

This guy is choosing this path. Don't let him drag you down too. A person who hits you once will probably do it again. I dated a girl who hit me when she was mad. I never raised a hand. She apologized later. Months later, she did it again and broke a hole in a wall from throwing a book. End of that relationship.

So the problem is we focus on this relationship thing too much and not enough on ourselves. You have a lot to do. You have a life to live. If this guys doesn't fit into the context of the life you want for yourself, then you are really trying hard to make something work that doesn't naturally work.

My brother in law has chosen a path of self destructive behavior, both personal and financial. It has cost his family dearly.

So while I agree that right now, with the baby, you could use more support than ever, do not kid yourself. You don't need this guy this badly. He might simply be in your way. As long as you settle for him you aren't going to get better.

And if you were my daughter and he hit you like this... heaven help him.

Sorry you are in this place. But you do have a choice to be out of this.

A side note. My wife became pregnant in college from a guy she later learned was a pretty scary guy. She trie dto make it work. She walked away. Shed be the first to tell you that you need to think about yourself and your child first. We have a great marriage. She had the strength to walk away from a life that she knew would not be what she wanted. I'm guessing you have the same strength in you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by carherine

My boyfriend and i have been having a lot of problems...all we do is fight and argue.... i hate it and i can't do it anymore.... he quit his job lost his house and let his car go back he knows I'm pregnant and he dose this and then acts like i don't have a right to get mad at him and he hit me the night i told him that i was pregnant he hit me my mom hates him because she said that he did not just hit me he hit the baby tooo do you think he can Chang for me and the baby

Easy for an outsider to just tell you what to do but please, please, please... listen. NO, NO, NO... leopards do not change their spots. By that, I mean that your boyfriend will not CHANGE and yes, he may hit your baby if he hits you. Besides that though... do you want your baby to be subjected to someone who hits their mother? Do what is right for your child and have enough self respect to get out of this abusive relationship NOW. If you are going to be a parent you are going to be responsible for someone other than yourself and you need to show first that you can take care of YOU. Good luck, honey. You can do it. Listen to your mom.

Please get away from this jerk as soon as possible, any guy who will hit a woman, pregnant or not is the lowest of the low and will never change. You and your baby are worth more than that. Good luck for the future and hopefully it won't involve him.

You have received very good replys here. I just wanted to add my two cents. As far as I am concerned, there is no reason to stay with this guy. If he quit his job, lost his house, and let his car go, then HIT you while he KNEW you were pregnant, because you got mad at him for not taking his responsibilities seriously, then there is not much good in this guy. It doesn't matter what kind of life he may have had in his past. It doesn't matter if he had an abusive childhood,(just examples here. I don't know his life story.) and as a result has a quick temper, and abusive tendancys. There is no, I repeat NO excuse for hitting you, ESP when you are pregnant. Even if this were the case for him, he is repeating the cycle. And if you stay with him, and have your child grow up around such behavior, your child WILL suffer. Even if he doesn't hit your child, that child will grow up with no respect for women(or themselves, if they are a girl) They will grow up to have the same tendencies he has. Or they will always be resentful about you staying with them, or resentful against themselves for being too "weak" to stop this man from abusing their mom. There are things in life that are worth fighting for with your very life. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your child. This man can not suppose you financially, therefore you would be just as well off taking care of the baby on your own, but you would be better off because you would not be subjecting yourself, or your child to that kind of disrespectful and hateful behavior. Your mom sounds like she would be more then happy to help you. Now you need to be the one to help yourself. You need to remember that you are a mommy now, and have great responsibility to that child.A friend told me a story of a little boy he knew. His mom was a young woman that was with a man who abused her. She said it didn't matter because he only hit her, and not the child.she said that he was a good man on the inside, but just had a temper problem. One day the man lost his temper, and took it out on the infant. He slammed the kids head through the drywall, and that was all that it took. The child was mentally handicapped for the rest of his life. Because of that one outburst. Because of all the years his mom stayed with the man. Because of that, this child couldn't have all the potential in life that he started with. That was all taken away, and none of it was his choice. That will be on his moms shoulders for the rest of her life. I hope you have the courage and the strength to take control and live the life that you and your child deserve.

Thank all of you exp buggage I really think that its time to kick his to the crub menning leaveing him for good he almost hit me again tonight and as soon as he raised his hand to do it my brother sftarted hitting him my brother told him that if he ever put his hands on me or any other female then he will put him in the hospitle and anthony said for me to call him and I am not going to and I'm not going to answer his calls anymore eather he has went to hit me or hit me for the ladt time I don't need him and neather does my kid

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I'm glad you're strong enough to do the right thing and that your family is strong enough as well to stand up for what is right.

It didn't have to be this way, but it is this way. All you can do is what is right for you. And you are.

Good for you sweety! I am glad that you are sticking up for yourself and for your child. You are showing maturity, and intelligence. I am glad that your family sticks up for you as well. You have a great family that loves you, and I'm glad you are starting to love yourself and your baby, and demanding the life you both deserve. Good luck and best of wishes. Stay strong.