Ask Me Help Desk - It hurts to think that she's my ex girlfriend now.

My girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago. Well, let's say, she took the cowardly, easy way out by using all the cliché reasons in the book. I never saw this coming. Prior to that, we were on a high. We are happy and she told me that she'll never leave me because she loves me even more not until that fateful night when she decided to cut everything off. She would tell me that I should find somebody better than her and everything. I asked her if she still loves me she said no but in jokingly manner. I went to her place but she didn’t show up and so I sent a letter where she texted and emailed me that she already read the letter with a sad face. I know I over analyze but 1 PowerPoint presentation and a letter after, she haven't texted/emailed me since. She’ll be going to Singapore with friends (I’m supposed to be with them but I didn’t book on time) I’m thinking about surprising her on her birthday. Her friend pushed me to follow her in Singapore and they'll let her talk to me and all that. I still have two weeks and I’m so messed up. I have a lot of questions and I don’t believe that she can just throw everything we had just like that.

I don’t know why she did it. I know she's so unstable lately and she panicked that's why she broke up with me but it can’t be a reason right? Third party wouldn't be acceptable because I know her. She hates cheaters and she's already been cheated on before.

I’m thinking about playing it cool when I see her. Act just like me. Crack jokes but I can’t promise that I won’t cry in front of her. I’m not expecting a lot but at least she can give me answers by that time. I want her back. That’s clear and I’m going to do everything to get her back.

What should I do?

Let it go, and let her go. She's decided, and changing her mind will only lead into a doubtful relationship. Move on, and meet other people. I wouldn't even go on that trip unless you're positive her presence won't directly influence your attitude. I hate to say don't go and ruin a nice trip, but if you're going to go and cry over her the entire time you've already ruined your own trip. Stay home, go out with some friends, meet new people, try some new things and get over it.

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Originally Posted by lito chups

my girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago. well, let's say, she took the cowardly,easy way out by using all the cliche reasons in the book. i never saw this coming.prior to that, we were on a high.we are happy and she told me that she'll never leave me because she loves me even more not until that fateful night when she decided to cut everything off. she would tell me that i should find somebody better than her and everything.i asked her if she still loves me she said no but in jokingly manner. i went to her place but she didnt show up and so i sent a letter where she texted and emailed me that she already read the letter with a sad face.i know i over analyze but 1 powerpoint presentation and a letter after, she haven't texted/emailed me since. she'll be going to singapore with friends (im supposed to be with them but i didnt book on time) im thinking bout surprising her on her birthday.her friend pushed me to follow her in singapore and they'll let her talk to me and all that. i still have two weeks and im so so so messed up. i have a lot of questions and i dont believe that she can just throw everything we had just like that.

i dont know why she did it.i know she's so unstable lately and she panciked that's why she broke up with me but it can't be a reason right? third party wouldn't be acceptable because i know her.she hates cheaters and she's already been cheated on before.

im thinking bout playing it cool when i see her.act just like me. crack jokes but i can't promise that i wont cry infront of her. im not expecting a lot but at least she can give me answers by that time.i want her back.that's clear and i'm going to do everything to get her back.

what should i do?

I have been in a very similar situation to you; the relationship was on a high and it comes to a sudden end. When it ends you want answers. You feel confused and upset.

It sounds like she has let you down gently. You may not think it but she has saved you a lot of unnecessary pain.

DO NOT go on this trip. Listen to C0bra_M3nace's advice.

I know its hard but you need to move on. You can not have a healthy relationship if there is doubt on either side. Do not rebound because it is extremely disrespectful, but meet new people, you may find someone special again.

Simple advice: give her space, do not contact her unless absolutely necessary, do not "accidentally" bump into her, ultimately give her time to herself.

I know you want her back but just let it go and DO NOT cry in front of her. Be strong. Remember that time is a healer.

All the best!

Aw, that's sweet!

But hun, holding on to her can only make things worse.. as far as I see it she has the idea that your relationship isn't working out! She might not have give you a valid reason but you shouldn't show her that you care much (even though you do)

She probably just wants a reaction from you, leave it as it is... she's not the only girl that will ever take notice to you yano.

Originally, the trip includes me and 3 of her and my friends.so basically, she'll be the odd man out because her friend actually told me that she didn't like what she did to me when she didn't show up and meet me so she's pushing me to go with them so that we can talk. I guess it's just between the two of us. I promise I won't cry I think I'm having a little confidence in me again but of course every time something flashes, I kind of soften up again.

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aw, that's sweet! But hun, holding on to her can only make things worse.. as far as I see it she has the idea that your relationship isn't working out! She might not have give you a valid reason but you shouldn't show her that you care much (even though you do)

She probably just wants a reaction from you, leave it as it is... she's not the only girl that will ever take notice to you yano.

Thank you nola. I guess I had too much of "that's sweet" reaction here in the ofice already the past few days.our relationship's raw and we're a work in progress but the past few months and days and weeks were like the career high of our relationship and she knows that. She told me that she loves me more than December, January, etc and she even told me that she's sure about me already. Well, sort of. So I can't look at our relationship as if it's doomed to fail. She's confused on how great we can be and she's scared if that happens. Arrggghh I really should go and follow her down in singapore besides, I already deviced a plan. They'll be staying at my friend's house (where I'm supposed to stay too) and she didn't know that I orchestrated everything because they'll be staying there for two weeks and spending two weeks in a hotel is a bit pricey so I just want to help them since I'll be staying there for free and so that would be the start. I'll just try to be as confident as I can be.dont expect anything and just play cool. Damn! Thinkiing about it makes my knees shake already.

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Originally Posted by rocketman11

I have been in a very similar situation to you; the relationship was on a high and it comes to a sudden end. When it ends you want answers. You feel confused and upset.

It sounds like she has let you down gently. You may not think it but she has saved you a lot of unnecessary pain.

DO NOT go on this trip. Listen to C0bra_M3nace's advice.

I know its hard but you need to move on. You can not have a healthy relationship if there is doubt on either side. Do not rebound because it is extremely disrespectful, but meet new people, you may find someone special again.

Simple advice: give her space, do not contact her unless absolutely necessary, do not "accidentally" bump into her, ultimately give her time to herself.

I know you want her back but just let it go and DO NOT cry in front of her. Be strong. Remember that time is a healer.

All the best!

Thanks,man. Already given her space even if she's far away from me and I think that's too much already. What happened to me is totally unexpected.I was caught offguard.she's this kind of girl that's unstable. Coming from a broken relationship in which her ex boyfriend cheated on her and even came to the point that she became a man-hater but I changed all that. I don't think I came in just a rebound because I went through hell too before we became official.it just hurt to think that she can do this to me. Drop everything and tell me to stay here because she won't be gone. Things like that. She don't want to commit as of the moment because she's weak. I know she goes aaaaww so easily so I'm thinking maybe that's one of the reason why she didn't respond to my powerpoint presentation and emails anymore. Because prior to that, I sent her a letter and she emailed me that she already read the letter with a sad face but I didn't reply. That line says a lot but it's vague at the same time. I really really want her back and work this out and the only way is , we must talk and be mature about everything.

She's been telling me before that I should gain because every time that she sees me, she always tell me that I'm getting skinnie and skinnier and skinnier but I told her when we meet in June in time for our anniversary, I'd be a pound heavier. I'm already working out even before she broke up with me and I think I'm kind of having some progress and not looking like as slim as I was before.

Will that at least make her notice? Thing is, I want to show her that I did listen because she feels like I'm not listening to her.

Buddy, the best part about real love is when the partners accept each other for who they are. If somebody loves you, they won't pick on your weight. This girl broke up with you because you were losing lots of weight? It doesn't sound like she really cares about you. Anyway, yea, she will probably notice you kept your promise... and she might even feel bad for it. But even if you do go through with working out and building up some mass, don't try to make her notice you keeping your old promise. Let her figure it out herself.
-Good luck, man. Take care of yourself.

The situation you are going through is so similar to what I have been through. My ex and I had an amazing relationship. Unlike her previous boyfriends I was mature, loving and faithful. She, like your ex, had been cheated on before, so she had trust issues. One day, out of the blue, she ended it all.

In my view it sounds like your ex was not used to being in a stable relationship and she didn't know what she wanted from a relationship.

A wise man once said "you do not know what you have got until it is gone".

I can only advise you to let her go. Holding onto things can really hurt you. You need to give each other space and let things calm down, and then you can have a mature conversation then. If you two are to have a good, healthy relationship again, you need space and time to think, but don't dwell. She needs to realize how much you meant to her.

But you must listen to your head and not your heart when making decisions concerning your ex.

I wish you all the best! :)

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Originally Posted by rocketman11

The situation you are going through is so similar to what i have been through. My ex and I had an amazing relationship. Unlike her previous boyfriends I was mature, loving and faithful. She, like your ex, had been cheated on before, so she had trust issues. One day, out of the blue, she ended it all.

In my view it sounds like your ex was not used to being in a stable relationship and she didn't know what she wanted from a relationship.

A wise man once said "you do not know what you have got until it is gone".

I can only advise you to let her go. Holding onto things can really hurt you. You need to give each other space and let things calm down, and then you can have a mature conversation then. If you two are to have a good, healthy relationship again, you need space and time to think, but don't dwell. She needs to realize how much you meant to her.

But you must listen to your head and not your heart when making decisions concerning your ex.

I wish you all the best! :)

I feel you, rocketman. I'm in the same boat but I don't think she's having trust issues and she knows that I'm hundred percent with her. I'm not doing anything behind her back and all that. Right now, all the silence are pulling us further but yes, I'm really looking forward to the sinagpore trip because that's the only way to settle everything. I don't believe that she don't love me anymore. Seriously, just a snap? Nobody would believe that. She left me with a lot of questions and I isn't getting a lot of answers. Hopefully she'll realize my worth and hopefully, it wouldn't be too late because I believe I can still at least make her look back.

Thanks.

You are still in shock over this and all you can think of is what happened and why, and how do you fix it. It's a typical reaction, but a false one. Feelings do change, and until we accept that they do we go in circles with all kinds of thoughts and strategies to get an ex back, and we are even more devastated when all fails.

Let go guy, stop all the plans that will backfire on you, and make it worse, and even give her more reasons to think her dumping you was not only a good idea, but a great one. Let the dust settle, because you are not thinking, just feeling hurt.

She obviously is ready to explore and experiment, and have a good time without you so TOTALLY let her, and focus on getting your own mental, and emotional health back, so you can begin the healing process. Right now you are in denial of the facts of the situation, but it will soon fade, and be replaced by other emotions for you to deal with on your own.

Break ups suck, and I feel your pain, heck have felt it myself. We all have at one time or another, so please listen to the advice we have given you, and save some dignity, and self respect, because you will surely need it.