My girlfriend and I were talking last night, and we got to the subject of sex. She said she was afraid to go any farther than kissing, and I told her that was OK, because I didn't want to go any farther either. I could tell that something was bothering her, and I asked her what was the matter. She told me that 2 of her previous boyfriends had sexually abused her. I promised her that I wouldn't tell anyone, but I'm not sure if I can keep that promise. What should I do?

Well, first of all just treat her the same as usual, but don't like ask her to do it, because if you can tell she was sexually abused by her boyfriends, then you don't want to be like them.
Often people who are sexually abused become either afriad because of thepast, or they become totally slutty and that's all they ever talk about.But be nice to her.

I think you will work out.

I think it is important for you to keep your promise to your girlfriend. She told you, in confidence, that you would not speak to anyone about what happened to her.

Now this not mean you cannot find ways to help her. Encourage her to talk to someone at a rape crisis center or a women's health center or women's safe shelter type place. Those staff are trained to counsel women who have been sexually abused. There is nothing saying that you cannot call one of those places - not giving ANY names, but say you need some guidance in helping your girlfriend deal with the past abuse.

I agree with addy - don't push her and it does not sound like you are. You need to be patient and understanding. Listen if she wants to talk. Find activities to do that have no sexual connotation to them. It is trying to make her feel comfortable with you, building the trust she so desperately needs to have.

If she does not go and talk to a professional, then maybe you should go and talk to someone about your own emotions in this. I am sure you are wondering just what to say, what to do, etc. No one expects you to be the one with all the answers.

I hope all things work out for the two of you. The scars from sexual abuse never really go away but they do fade with time and self understanding and work towards becoming strong and emotionally healthy. She needs to know she never deserved any of the treatment she received. What happened was, more than likely, not in her control. She is far better than either of those two previous men could ever hope to be.

Best of all to you both.

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Originally Posted by bookking10

My girlfriend and i were talking last night, and we got to the subject of sex. She said she was afraid to go any farther than kissing, and i told her that was ok, because i didnt want to go any farther either. I could tell that something was bothering her, and i asked her what was the matter. She told me that 2 of her previous boyfriends had sexually abused her. I promised her that i wouldnt tell anyone, but im not sure if i can keep that promise. What should i do?

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If you want her to continue trusting her, don't say anything
IF she is okaie with talking to you about it ,you can urge her to speak with a doctor or a therapist of some kind if it bugs and her and she doesn't think she will ever be able to get close to another guy, even if she is in love.
The fact that she was sexually abused TWICE would be really hard. You will probably have to be very patient if she is every going to be able to fully trust you, and if you ever feel like she doesn't trust you with her heart and her letting you be with her that is probably not it . She is mostlike just scared of it .
Be patient

Hope this helps,
Love linds

Now this is what id do, find her 2 exboy friends and kick there sorry asses... its only proper, they hurt her, then you break some of there favorite bones, you sound like a nice guy wanting to protect her and you should protect her, girls aren't meant to be guys sex objects, show her that you love and care about her, try to take her mind off the past, I was raped when I was 6-7 5 times by same guy, so I know how things feel, and its even worse on a young lady like that, just be there for her, show her that you'll treat her right and make her happy :)

I wish I could make laws... I really want to be a judge... you know that biotch John Courey, whatever the dumbasses name is... the one that rapped and killed Jessica in Florida, he can either get life in prison or the death sentence... death is to good for him... id let the boys in prison turn him into the little wuss that he is.

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Originally Posted by bookking10

My girlfriend and i were talking last night, and we got to the subject of sex. She said she was afraid to go any farther than kissing, and i told her that was ok, because i didnt want to go any farther either. I could tell that something was bothering her, and i asked her what was the matter. She told me that 2 of her previous boyfriends had sexually abused her. I promised her that i wouldnt tell anyone, but im not sure if i can keep that promise. What should i do?

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You should report this to the local police department as soon as possible. Depending on the age, they can be arrested for Statuatory (Spelling?) Rape or just plain rape.

kepi was right, that is rape... after kicking their sorry asses, turn them both in... they don't deserve to be in public treating wonderful girls like that

Exactly.well, I think sexual harrassers should get the death sentence.ohh, and I agree with kepi, because even if she wants to forget about it, even if they did charge and they got out on bail, it would still be on their record and it would keep them from getting a job in a area that had children or that kind of thing.Without charging they could do it again and get away wit it, and even get a job like, in a school, or open up a daycare or something that involved getting closer to kids.By doing this you would be telling them that they aren't going to ruin your life and that not everyone is going to keep quiet if this happened to them.
You aren't only helping yourself, your helping other girls(or guys)out of a uncomfortable sitch.
Please get her to at least talk to someone about it.Its not healthy to keep that locked up.In most cases, (for a girl, anyways)the girl either stays normal(like your gf)or becomes a total slut(it isn't her fault, though, )
Please get her to talk to sum1 about this okay?

Addy is right, girls that are raped or sexual abused sometimes end up becoming sluts... get your girl to talk to someone, get the guys locked up, they don't deserve to even be breathing for what they did... I knew a girl, she was 11 and she was sexual assulted by 2 guys, 1 was her xbf and the other was the xbf cousin... for the longest time she wouldn't even be within 10 feet of any guy... but talking to me she finally returned to normal :) just be there for your girl and let her know that everything will be OK and that she doesn't have to worry about being abused or mistreated by you and that you'll always be there to protect her, show her love, and that you care, that's the main thing girls want from a guy is a guy who's honest, loving and caring torward her. Do that and she'll love you forever

I have to say that, as someone who has been through some tough times with men, its imperative that you keep your word. Also, I agree with everyone that you should try and get her to open up about it, to think of you as her confidant: someone she can and trust.

However, I have to say that I don't agree with DodgeSpirit in that, you should'nt go and beat these guys up. To say the least, doing so will only complicate this matter more. Also, I wouldn't advise going to the police about this. The reason being is that, when there is a rape case, a detective is sent out to investigate. Which means that if she is not emotionally ready to confront this matter, she will be forced to, which can have negative consequences. The detective will ask her to identify the men, he will ask her to divulge details about the incidents, he will ask her if she wants to press charges. If she is not ready to handle this, if she has not decided for herself that she is ready to confront this matter, you could end up setting into motion a huge emotional breakdown.
I definitely second shygrneyzs in that you should try and see if she is willing to go to a rape crises center, or to call a teen help line. In a situation such as this, it would be much, much better if a professional were to talk to her.

In any case, I wish you (and her) the best of luck.

-m

In this case I just figured that violence was a good solution, teach the guys not to be doing that to some other girl... that maybe it might be a bigger guy come around and kick there a**es

I know how you feel man, I was told my girlfriend was abused when she was young, she's not scared to go near me though, I'd just say wait it out man... if you love her enough to stay with her and support her you'll be fine just try not to say anything about it unless she brings it up, I mean you need to know about it, but don't ask too many details as she will just burst... it's a every emotional time for a girl I don't think any girl should be raped/abused, I know what it's like to think about it... how scared and worried you are about her and how angry it makes you feel about other guys hurting you girl, at the moment it's really affecting me, it's so hard to forget about especially when she isn't going to let you do anything about it. You stay true to this girl, be there, wait for her to feel absolutely comfortable round you man, you'll do great, I've learnt the hard way, once you get the girl of your dreams... NEVER ING LET GO! <3