Ask Me Help Desk - Is this relationship healthy for me?

I have known my boyfriend for quite sometime, and about 8 months ago we started dating. We moved in with each other a few months ago, and about a month ago he asked me to marry him and I immediately said yes. Unfortunately things are compiling and now I am starting to question if it is the healthy thing for me to do. See as of right now I am the only one bringing in any type of steady income. The entire reason we moved in together was so bills would be a little easier to pay, but he can't seem to keep a job. He blames it on the fact that he believes he has ADD, but hasn't really done anything about it as far as for meds or anything. The only way in his mind that he has come up with to control it is to smoke pot. At first is wasn't that bad of a thing, but recently it has gotten out of control. He uses pot way too much now, every cent he gets is gone because of it. He even says it helps him sleep so he frequently goes out at night to smoke and comes home to bed. I feel as though there is never a time during the day in which is isn't high. Now I love him to death, but no matter how many times I express my feelings about the subject he always makes it a fight. He says that I am acting like is mother and not his fiancée. He hasn't always been like this and I don't know if this is just a phase or if this is how he is going to be until "death do us part." Please offer some incite I NEEP YOUR HELP!!

"Is this relationship healthy for me?"

Thank you for sharing and explaining that so well but the short answer is...

If you felt the need to ask that question then you already know the answer.

I agree with yagita... if you are even questioning it right now, I'd take a step back. I'm sure most people on here will tell you that if you've only been dating for 8 months you probably shouldn't be living together. It seems like you took your relationship very fast... What is the rush to live together and get married?

Quote:

Originally Posted by dunnowat2do

but he can't seem to keep a job. He blames it on the fact that he believes he has ADD, but hasn't really done anything about it as far as for meds or anything.

I blame it on laziness. I’m a skeptic in ADD to begin with but there are many jobs that don’t require high amount of concentration or focus. ADD is an excuse and I think you know that too because if he truly were sick he would get medical help or at the very least have it diagnosed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dunnowat2do

The only way in his mind that he has come up with to control it is to smoke pot.

Good grief. I’m sure we could argue all day about pot but I don’t think anybody on either side of the issue can honestly say that smoking pot increases productivity in human beings. It relaxes them and they do nothing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dunnowat2do

At first is wasn't that bad of a thing, but recently it has gotten out of control. He uses pot way too much now, every cent he gets is gone because of it. He even says it helps him sleep so he frequently goes out at night to smoke and comes home to bed. I feel as though there is never a time during the day in which is isn't high.

So look at that he is productive after all. When he needs pot he’ll do anything and go anywhere to smoke it.
The pot has total control over his life and he has no control over the pot. He needs help from a profession because he’s an addict.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dunnowat2do

Now I love him to death, but no matter how many times I express my feelings about the subject he always makes it a fight.

You may love him but he love’s pot. That’s his number one love. As you even said he’ll do anything for it even at the expense of his own livelihood and health.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dunnowat2do

He says that I am acting like is mother and not his fiancee. He hasn't always been like this and I don't know if this is just a phase or if this is how he is going to be until "death do us part." Please offer some incite I NEEP YOUR HELP!!!!

It’s not a phase. I bet he actually has been like this for some time but you didn’t know about it before now. Remember your only 8 months into the relationship and even few months into living together. So you really haven’t known him or the true him that long. Unless he seeks counseling, gets off the drugs, and then proves he can stay off I would hope that you cut your loses after 8 months and don’t make this a lifetime battle.

In the end a relationship is about what makes both parties happy. You do not sound happy. Love is hard and I bet your heart is telling you that you can fix him that with your support he can get through this, truth is the only one who can truly help him is him. I suggest you decide what makes you happy and work from there, no use in living for someone else.
Good luck

Too much, to fast, to the wrong person. Now you see his true lazy, excuse making nature. Run don't walk to the nearest exit, and don't look back.

He can't have 2 loves in his life. He can't even pass a drug test to get a job! Even McDonald's makes you take a drug test now. Take a step back, and visualize your future with him. What do you see? Hardship and heartache is all I can see in your future. Why should YOU have to work to support HIS habit? I don't mean to be sounding like a witch, but it sounds like you're a young lady, and you can do better than him. Love is blind, but truth is the truth. Another thing... drugs can lead to other problems too... domestic violence, eventually harder drugs...