Ask Me Help Desk - Why am I doing this?

So first off let me say, I have been married for a year with the man, but have been with him for 4 years.He has cheated on me multiple times during our marriage and I was brainwashed, as he is my first love & put up with it and forgave him for all that. He has left to a hotel room with a random girl, I have caught him messaging girls and saying he had a threesome with one girl he had been unfaithful with among other things. He says he wants to change, but I call bull. Now, I am not trying to blame it on him, but about 4 days ago, I was on my FB. My high school crush messaged me out of the blue, and I had completely forgotten about him, but we started chatting and then texting and I met up with yesterday. We are both in a relationship, but we both had a crush on each other back then, but neither one of us would admit it and ended up in relationships. Anyway, I kissed him and I DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! What is wrong with me?

Nothing, you just feel entitled to cheat because your husband is a cheater. You have settled for a quick fix feel good because the guy at home ain't worth a crap.

Go home and get your home in order, before you become the same thing that has already ruined your life. I bet your friends wife says the same thing you do. Think she knows she is married to a guy who can cheat on her?

Hmmm, wonder if she is a liar, and cheater too?

Naw, nothing wrong with you at all, you just are taking the easy way out, a distraction from misery.

Well, I guess you are just trying to take revenge on your cheating husband by cheating yourself... Maybe unconsciously but that's what it seems like...

Quote:

Originally Posted by hev13

So first off let me say, I have been married for a year with the man, but have been with him for 4 years.He has cheated on me multiple times during our marriage and I was brainwashed, as he is my first love & put up with it and forgave him for all that. He has left to a hotel room with a random girl, I have caught him messaging girls and saying he had a threesome with one girl he had been unfaithful with among other things. He says he wants to change, but I call bull. Now, I am not trying to blame it on him, but about 4 days ago, I was on my FB. My high school crush messaged me out of the blue, and I had completely forgotten about him, but we started chatting and then texting and I met up with yesterday. We are both in a relationship, but we both had a crush on each other back then, but neither one of us would admit it and ended up in relationships. Anyway, I kissed him and I DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! What is wrong with me??

Curious he would agree to marry you when he knew he couldn't be faithful. This probably happened while you were living together, but sometimes in a relationship like that (before marriage) neither of the couple keeps as close a tabs on their mate as you do after you're married. Can you talk to him, at least tell hm how you feel? Or do you want an open marriage where he can date and you can date... It's been done, and relationships get stronger with your mate. He's going to be in his 40s someday (or sooner, hopefully) and wish he had never done what he did. Until it's settled with him do everything you can to keep from getting pregnant. Some women think if they do get pregnant they've trapped them. No, you'll only have a child and he will continue his ways..

Hell no I don't want an open relationship! & trust me I am NOT trying to trap him. I am about to leave him. I found some new stuff & I am waiting for the right time to throw it in his face (which is in the next few days). I am not like this at all. I promised myself I would NEVER be unfaithful to anybody... but I think enough is enough. & I can assure that this won't happen again (the kiss).

I am not one to cheat! He has brought out so much bad in me I think it is time to leave. :( I am honestly not interested in trying to get my home in order. We don't even have a home. He's in the military (he even admitted to only marrying me for the money but fell more in love with me as the marriage progressed) & we really don't have a place to call home. I came back to my hometown to be with my family.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hev13

Hell no I dont want an open relationship! & trust me I am NOT trying to trap him. I am about to leave him. I found some new stuff & I am waiting for the right time to throw it in his face (which is in the next few days). I am not like this at all. I promised myself I would NEVER be unfaithful to anybody...but I think enough is enough. & I can assure that this wont happen again (the kiss).

Be sure to sit the guy down and explain to him why you're so unhappy, that you expected him to be faithful to you, his wife. Ask him if he can stop seeing other women and only have you to love. If he can't agree, or breaks his promise, you could divorce him, or have the marriage annullled. Im so sorry for you that you have to deal with this.

We have talked about this MANY TIMES. & he has promised to not cheat, and he always does. I think he has a problem and he is a serial cheater. He even notices I have been distant. I will not tell him about what happened because he will go psycho on me. The past is there, and I can't forget it. I forgive him, but I honestly can't forget it. & I do not want to run the risk of getting STD's because of him. & honestly, I can't even enjoy being intimate together (which hasn't happened for about a week and a half now on my part) because it's all in my head. It's time to leave.

Glad you have made decision to leave, but leaving one cheater for another is a bad idea. Your friend is married so not available. Take your time. Once the divorce is final and enjoy being single, healing, and being healthy of thought.

That's when things get better.

I'm not leaving him for the man I kissed. I have been thinking about doing it for quite a while now. Exactly like your quote says "Never make a person a priority in your life while allowing them to make you an option in theirs". I refuse to be an option... to both of them!