I met this guy and we began going out. I fell in love with him just 2 months after we met. He became my boyfriend. And to make the long story short, I got pregnant. I already gave birth to my daughter for about 7 months now. During my pregnancy, some girl texted and called me that my boyfriend was already married. I confronted my boyfriend but he said it is not true. Rather, he already has a 7yr old daughter but he was not married to the mother. But later did I know, (and my parents were the one who discovered) that he was really married. He told me they already separated. But his wife was also pregnant. She gave birth a month before me. He and his wife still lives together. But apart from it, he still has another girlfriend. He has a girlfriend when he met me, And when I gave birth, they were still together. He promised me that we will change for me and asked for a last chance. I gave him another chance. But now, he has a new girlfriend. But we're still together. He cheated on his wife with his #2. he cheated on his #2 with me. And now, he cheated me with her #4. I don't know what to do now. I've never cheated him. I was a very good partner to him. I gave everything he wants and he likes and he needs. And this is what I get. I don't have friends. Because when I got pregnant, my family hid me. They brought me here, someplace where no one knows me. They were ashamed of my situation. Of being a single mom and for having an affair with a married man. I didn't even know he was married when he got me pregnant. I can't tell my family about my problem now. They will not allow my boyfriend to see my daughter. He was a good father, though. But he doesn't provide financial support because he now has 4 kids. Including my daughter. (he has 2 with his wife, another daughter with #2, and one from me. I just don't know if he has another on his new gf) he doesn't earn much to give support to all his kids. But he did not lack being a good father to our daughter. He visits her, they go out, he's the one who brings my daughter to the doctor during checkup. Its all he could give. Just the TIME.

Hey Tweeypooh,

I'm from America and I'm not sure what country your from so my answer is coming from an American culture and I don't know if it applies to you or not but I just wanted to give you some kind of answer.

I understand you're a single mother but you can't be the first one in your country I would assume? In your culture would it really be that big of a deal or emotionally hard on your parents if there daughter was a single mother? What are the consequences of that in your country from a societal standpoint on both you and your parents?

Besides your parents do you still have contact with people from you hometown? Would any of them be able to help you? Also would any churches near you be able to assist you? Does your government offer any kind of medical or financial help? Maybe they do and you just have to look into it.

As far as the guy goes he’s a jerk and a liar. But that’s the past and you can’t help that now. So now your focus must be on the future. You must try and get a skill or job that you can use to support you and your child for the future.

I hope there was something you can take from that. You’ll get some better answers from the other posters I’m sure but just try to focus on the positive and the future.

I'm from an asian country particularly in a province where such situations are being questioned and discriminated. And it's really a big deal. Besides, my family, both my mom and dad, hold a reaputation and name in my hometown. They're looked upon. And they are being respected and treated as role models. Influential, as I would say. So mistakes like what I have done would ruin their credibilities. That's why I am being sent here. They provide financial assistance though. And it's just me and my daughter here in our house. They would also sometimes send a guard to keep an eye on us. But only to keep us safe at night. So, I can't seek for a job now because nobody would take care of my daughter. And I am still breastfeeding because I am not earning anything to buy milk. They give about US$20 per week for my food allowance.

You made a mistake choosing the wrong guy. No matter if he is a good father, he isn't a good man. He cheats and lies. He cannot handle his responsibility. Take care of your daughter and give her the best you have and forget this loser. He can do nothing for you, as he already has too many babies to support.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You made a mistake choosing the wrong guy. No matter if he is a good father, he isn't a good man. He cheats and lies. He cannot handle his responsibility. Take care of your daughter and give her the best you have and forget this loser. He can do nothing for you, as he already has too many babies to support.

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I really made a mistake. In the first place, I should've ended our relationship the moment I knew he was married. And he really is a loser. He won't let me go. He said that it's me he wanted and not anybody else. I'm tired of him making promises and later on finding out that it was alie. So, thanks for your words. I really appreciate it.:)

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Originally Posted by chuff

Hey Tweeypooh,

I'm from America and I'm not sure what country your from so my answer is coming from an American culture and I don't know if it applies to you or not but I just wanted to give you some kind of answer.

I understand your a single mother but you can't be the first one in your country I would assume? In your culture would it really be that big of a deal or emotionally hard on your parents if there daughter was a single mother? What are the consequences of that in your country from a societal standpoint on both you and your parents?

Besides your parents do you still have contact with people from you hometown? Would any of them be able to help you? Also would any churches near you be able to assist you? Does your government offer any kind of medical or financial help? Maybe they do and you just have to look into it.

As far as the guy goes he’s a jerk and a liar. But that’s the past and you can’t help that now. So now your focus must be on the future. You must try and get a skill or job that you can use to support you and your child for the future.


I hope there was something you can take from that. You’ll get some better answers from the other posters I’m sure but just try to focus on the positive and the future.

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Thanks for calling him a jerk. He really is a jerk. A big jerk. And thanks for telling me to move on. Though I don't know where to start, but I think I'll start from letting go off the past. Thanks again. I feel a bit better now. Thanks for those replying.

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Originally Posted by tweeetypooh

im from an asian country particularly in a province where such situations are being questioned and discriminated. and it's really a big deal. besides, my family, both my mom and dad, hold a reaputation and name in my hometown. they're looked upon. and they are being respected and treated as role models. influential, as i would say.

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I don’t know, I’m not there but I’m wondering if your parents could say something like “she made a mistake but it resulted in the birth of our beautiful grandchild so we are asking you to understand and accept both of them as we have.” Again, I can’t believe you’re the first unwed mother in history in your country. I don’t know if you could site other countries such as the US and Canada where this is not even considered a second thought to help your parents open up. I realize probably not but I just think if they were so influential then they might be able to take a stand as opposed to take a back seat to society beliefs that do more harm then good.

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Originally Posted by tweeetypooh

so mistakes like what i have done would ruin their credibilities. that's why i am being sent here. they provide financial assistance though. and it's just me and my daughter here in our house.

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I’m sorry I’m a dumb American here again. But doesn’t your absence back in your province raise questions?

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Originally Posted by tweeetypooh

they would also sometimes send a guard to keep an eye on us. but only to keep us safe at night. so, i can't seek for a job now because nobody would take care of my daughter.

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Would your parents be able to provide some kind of guard or baby sitter when your ready to get a job?

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Originally Posted by tweeetypooh

and i am still breastfeeding because i am not earning anything to buy milk. they give about US$20 per week for my food allowance.

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While at the moment, as long as you and your baby are safe keep doing what your doing. Despite all that’s happened your making positive progress and that’s important. Keep staying positive and move forward not backward. Hopefully in time you we be able to move back home, if you want to. That being said start thinking about what you’d like to do where you at and maybe you can start studying or learning the skill now while your baby is resting.

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Originally Posted by tweeetypooh

i really made a mistake. in the first place,

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But we all make mistakes. If you use this as a learning situation it’s not really a mistake. It’s just a personal growth event you went thourgh

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Originally Posted by tweeetypooh

thanks for calling him a jerk. he really is a jerk. a big jerk.

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He’s actually worse then a jerk. But his loser attitudes to not have to be your loser attitudes.

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Originally Posted by tweeetypooh

and thanks for telling me to move on. though i don't know where to start, but i think i'll start from letting go off the past. thanks again. i feel a bit better now. thanks for those replying.

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I think letting go of the past and of the hurt is a good place to start. Bringing that with you in the future will not help you at all. You can’t change your past, but you can change your future.

Sorry to say this but you need to get out of this relationship. The same thing happened to my Mom. You are just going to get hurt even more if you stay with this guy. If it was a true realationship he would make an effort to help. After my Dad left, he had 3 kids, and got married. It was tough at first but I got over it. Keep yor faith strong and move on in life.

Ok, calm down babygirl, calm down.
You need to understand some basic principles, the problem is nobody taught you but once you understand some principles you will never be in this kind of a mess again.

First of all don't hold any grudge against your parents trust me, their reaction of hiding you is more of covering their own failure as parents even more than yours. What they did is wrong but do not hold any grudge against them.

Now I can help you because I have been in a nasty relationship before but thank God I got out, so I can help you.

What makes a bird of prey, a bird of prey? well it is because it preys on other animals for its survival.

Baby girl, listen to me, when you started this relationship with this guy, you believed and trusted him (without checking him out).

Question: why did you not check him out? because you believed everything he told you.

Question: why did you believe everything he told you? because you are unsuspecting and too trusting.

Honey there are trillions of guys out there who go around hunting for people like you, unsuspecting and too trusting.

Question: Why are you unsuspecting and too trusting? because no one taught you what real life is all about, you were given the impression that the world is a beautiful place and that if you go around loving everyone and trusting everyone no one will hurt you, you were told that prince charming exists, he will come and sweep you off your feet and everything will be alright.

That guy is an abuser, a loser, a good for nothing guy , a sperm donor and a pimp.

Do you know how I know? Because that excuse he gave is the same excuse they always give. It goes like this, "I love you, I need you, if you leave I will die, you are the only one for me, I will change"

News flash! They will never change. You need to change, and why do you need to change? I will tell you. How does a remote control control the TV?
Simple, there is a chip in the TV that makes it respond to the remote control, so if you take out the chip, the remote control witll never ever control over the TV again.

What am I talking about? Get rid of the mindset, demeanour, character, thoughts, way of thinking and psyche that makes you attractive to guys like him and vice versa.

Guys like him, they can smell girls like you a 100 miles away, you think I am making this up? Look at his track record, this woman here, that woman there, babies here and there.

No self-respecting woman will fall for his tricks that is why when you threaten to leave he will cry and promise heaven and earth so you can stay, so you stay and take his bull.

There is no point in calling him a jerk if tomorrow you fall again for the lies of another abuser like him.

Change you, decide that you will not be treated like trash anymore.

Take chuff's advice get a skill, get a job, cut him off from seeing your child why? You need to be detoxified, you need to get him out of your system, why? If you do not get him out you, you will go back to him, trust me I have been there.

You need to re-evaluate your worth as a woman. You see all this mess between men and women, it's all an issue of self worth or lack of it.

What kind of signal are you sending out to men? Are you sending the signal of "I am an easy going babe, unsuspecting and trusting, you can walk all over me or are you sending the signal of "I am an intelligent and beautiful woman who knows what she wants in life , don't mess with me"

I will stop now, I will write again on how to flush him out of your system, sister be strong and everything will be all right.

Hi TweetyPooh,

You need to find out what your legal rights are. He does not have a choice whether to pay or not to pay child support. If it is his child, he must. Considering his cheating past, it doesn't sound to me like he ever respected any of the women he was involved with, including you. Your best bet would be to avoid him as much as possible and make sure your child has the financial support that it deserves. A website that may help you with your problem is Cheating Men, Signs Of Cheating Men - WomanSaverswhich has a lot of single mothers who have dealt with a cheating man.

Good luck and make sure you find out your legal rights!

Shantel

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Originally Posted by ShantelLee

Hi TweetyPooh,

You need to find out what your legal rights are. He does not have a choice whether to pay or not to pay child support. If it is his child, he must.

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That is true in the United States and other Western countries. She's from a province in an Asian country that sounds like they live more under a set of societal customs instead of laws.

Holy mackerel! 4 kids by 3 different women? This has nightmare written all over it! I hope you're still not romantically involved with him. And he doesn't have the character nor the resources to be a "good dad." Collecting child support from him probably would be an exercise in futility since he has 4 children and limited income. About all you would accomplish would be maybe getting him thrown in jail when he wouldn't be able to pay the court-ordered support. Of course you might be doing yourself and all those poor other women that he's deceived a favor. Frankly I'd brush him off, forget about him and move on and build a life for yourself and your child. If he wants visitation then let him fight for it through the courts. His willingness to fight for it (or not) will be a further indication of his true colors.

Hey guys. Its been a while since I answered your posts. Anyway, we had a confrontation. And he dares call me insane/crazy?? How dare he.. how does he got the nerves to say that to me. But I asked him, who does he think has behavioral problems. He was the one who can't stick to a single woman. He kept lying and cheating. I told him that he was the one who needs psychiatric help, and not me. That shut the hell out of him. Thanks guys for backing me up.

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Originally Posted by tweeetypooh

hey guys. its been a while since i answered your posts. anyway, we had a confrontation. and he dares call me insane/crazy??? how dare he.. how does he got the nerves to say that to me. but i asked him, who does he think has behavioral problems. he was the one who can't stick to a single woman. he kept lying and cheating. i told him that he was the one who needs psychiatric help, and not me. that shut the hell out of him. thanks guys for backing me up.

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All I can say is, "that a girl."

Don't you take his lies anymore. You have proven what we can all see and that is you are strong, smart, and capable of dealing with and getting the best of that loser.

I agree with all the aobve posters. He is definitely a loser and as I have said he is not worth shedding a tear for.

Instead read this:

GIRLS

--------------are like apples----------------
---------on trees. The best ones-----------
--------are at the top of the tree.----------
------The boys don't want to reach--------
----for the good ones because they-------
--are afraid of falling and getting hurt.----
-Instead, they just get the rotten apples--
---from the ground that aren't as good, --
-but easy. So the apples at the top think-
-something is wrong with them, when in--
----reality, they're amazing. They just----
-----have to wait for the right boy to------
-------come along, the one who's---------
-------------brave enough to---------------
------------------climb all-------------------
------------------ the way-------------------
------------------to the top-------

See you just have to wait, wait for that one guy that thinks you're amazing nad you're the one