Ask Me Help Desk - Steps leave a sociopath

I found the strength to divorce, leave, and have no contact from a sociopath. (Dangerous sociopath) I did everything to leave and found the hardest thing to do was financially get help. Yes, I left and there I was sitting in a hotel spending what little money I had, with my little mini daschund sitting beside me and nowhere to go. I had tried the women's shelters on 3 occasions but found myself in a more dangerous situation. First night the other 2 girls came in high on drugs and talking about letting men inside my room at night. Second room they gave me I had to call the police because a girl was being attacked outside my room. The third room they gave me I had a women screaming 2 door down because a man was hurting her. I moved in with a family member but only had a part time job. Struggling to keep it while traveling 40 minutes to and from work, trying to get another job but not able to get an apt. withouta 40 hour job left me stuck.They wanted to see proof of income. All I made went into food, car insu. and gas. I felt helpless. I had a newer car from the divorce money so I could not get financial assistance. I am in my 40's but lived close to an Amish lifestyle so I have no career and living in the world is more of a challenge that someone would think. People are mean and learning to handle life, money, getting my own bank account, etc... Such a challenge. So after 3 months of being strong I am back and scared and trapped with no way out. I feel like my head is just above water. How does a woman get help? No wonder a woman doesn't leave.

Unfortunately it usually takes 2 incomes to survive nowadays. If you could meet someone special and use that as the bridge that takes you over the river to the other side it would be great. You have to keep trying. You need to get as far away from him as possible. You have to somehow try to save money. What about a roommate to save you money after you leave?

Quote:

Originally Posted by dericdomino

Unfortunately it usually takes 2 incomes to survive nowadays. If you could meet someone special and use that as the bridge that takes you over the river to the other side it would be great. You have to keep trying. You need to get as far away from him as possible. You have to somehow try to save money. What about a roomate to save you money after you leave?

Taking advantage of "someone special" to bridge the gap is bad and insensitive advice. I understand you have social anxieties, but advising someone to take advantage of someone else is never good advice, even in the short term.

Do you have any family, friends, who could help? Very often churches are aware of homes which will take a person into a home "in between" setting.

First it doesn't sound like your local shelters are much of a safe haven at all, I've never had to resort to a shelter so I can't say what our local shelter is like. I certainly hope it isn't the same as what you have encountered.
Times are tough right now, no doubt about that. But it can be done.
I have lived on one income for 21 years with 2 children. Aside from 2 years that I was married to a man who left me in more debt than I had ever been in, so don't count on help from another person, you must be self-sufficient.
One child has moved on into his own place, my daughter still lives with me with her son.
And somehow we still make it.
I know that is easier said than done from experience.
I found that there were times that I had to take on more than one part time job at a time in addition to my full time job.
It has a lot to do with what you are willing to do.
In the women's' shelters (if they can be called that) were there resources for life counseling that you could take advantage of?
You need a plan, so I think that enlisting the help of someone you know and trust to help you come up with a plan for independence would be helpful.
That plan may include furthering your education also, and getting more out there in the world will expose you to opportunity.
Try not to get discouraged, open every door, give even the smallest seeming opportunities a chance and keep your head held high.
You've come a long way already in finding the courage to leave now keep that forward motion.

Often people who have not had a lot of experiene on the street will be taken advantage of, even in shelters by many of the street people who have learned to work the system. But many shelters are not like that, and it is a matter of finding one that feels better to you. Also many church groups often programs.

Have you gotten with a social worker and put in for any benefits, food stamps, medicaid and the such Have you talked to them about various programs in the area ?

Must have been your choice of words "meet someone special and USE that as the bridge"
You cannot use other people for your own advancement without it coming back to bite you in the a$$.
In my own experience and from watching friends, co-workers, exes, etc. Help is help, dependence is dependence.
After such a situation finding your own way is the best option, involving someone else before you are healed is not good for you or them.
I think the answer Judy gave is very valid, since the question is about housing and churches are full of people who know people who know even more people.

Thank you to all! You were very helpful and in each of your own way really help me to think.