Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend stressed and pushed me away

Hi,

I'll try to make this quick and not write a novel. Basically my boyfriend of almost a year has been going through a tough time. He lost his job, and will be forced to take a new one at a school in Vermont at the end of the summer, even though he doesn't want to live there. He worked his of at his last job and tried so hard to find a job in Massachusetts, but wasn't able to and feels like a failure. He is also having family issues. I knew he had been stressed for awhile, but I didn't expect it to get in the way of our relationship since I wanted to be supportive. He went to CT to visit his family for Mother's day weekend, and when he came back he called me but never mentioned coming over or making plans like he usually does. Normally he was over about 4-5 nights a week. So when I asked him when we would see each other he said he didn't know because he had to pack his apartment to move and look for jobs. Then I kept asking further questions about our relationship even though he wasn't in the mood to talk (bad idea) and he said he didn't think it would be healthy for us to be long distance even though he loves me and his feelings for me are strong and he said he doesn't want to break up. Up until that day he had been so positive saying that he was committed to me and we would make it work no matter what. However this was before he found out he would be unemployed for the summer. I asked him what he needs and he said space to get his life together. So I've been giving him space, and he only called once in the past week to complain about how upset he was that he has to move.

I feel horrible. He was everything to me and he treated me so well. I don't understand how he could be so loving and supportive one day, and then he finds out he loses his job and pushes me away. I just want to be there for him, but it seems that gets in the way of his ego. He didn't want my help with packing or anything else. Now I'm giving him his space, but I feel so sad without him. He is my best friend.

The loss of a job then having to make a big move like that is enough to stress anybody. It's not about you, it's about him. Leave him alone. Let him get himself settled.

Quote:

Originally Posted by leeboston

Hi,

I'll try to make this quick and not write a novel. Basically my boyfriend of almost a year has been going through a tough time. He lost his job, and will be forced to take a new one at a school in Vermont at the end of the summer, even though he doesn't want to live there. He worked his of at his last job and tried so hard to find a job in Massachusetts, but wasn't able to and feels like a failure. He is also having family issues. I knew he had been stressed for awhile, but I didn't expect it to get in the way of our relationship since I wanted to be supportive. He went to CT to visit his family for Mother's day weekend, and when he came back he called me but never mentioned coming over or making plans like he usually does. Normally he was over about 4-5 nights a week. So when I asked him when we would see each other he said he didn't know because he had to pack his apartment to move and look for jobs. Then I kept asking further questions about our relationship even though he wasn't in the mood to talk (bad idea) and he said he didn't think it would be healthy for us to be long distance even though he loves me and his feelings for me are strong and he said he doesn't want to break up. Up until that day he had been so positive saying that he was committed to me and we would make it work no matter what. However this was before he found out he would be unemployed for the summer. I asked him what he needs and he said space to get his life together. So I've been giving him space, and he only called once in the past week to complain about how upset he was that he has to move.

I feel horrible. He was everything to me and he treated me so well. I don't understand how he could be so loving and supportive one day, and then he finds out he loses his job and pushes me away. I just want to be there for him, but it seems that gets in the way of his ego. He didn't want my help with packing or anything else. Now I'm giving him his space, but I feel so sad without him. He is my best friend.

Sounds like your relationship is at an end. Find somebody else.

My boyfriend lost his job , and got very stressed, upset and strange. Just be there for him and give him time. This is one of the most stressful things in life the loss of your job. He needs support but don't push too much.