I have only been married for a short time, and in the short amount of time I have discovered that my husband has been looking up porn on his phone. I also just gave birth to our son. When I noticed the dates he was looking it up, I realized that he was looking it up just before he would want to have sex. Now that I know, it has me worried that he only married me because I was pregnant and that he really isn't attracted to me. Before I found the porn on his phone, he was having problems keeping an erection and/or reaching his climax. He would always tell me it wasn't me and that he was just tired or didn't stay hydrated during the day so he couldn't. I don't know what to do. When I try to talk to him about it, I can tell he feels bad so I stop. Is my marriage over before it even really began? Please help.

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Originally Posted by kbandme

I have only been married for a short time, and in the short amount of time I have discovered that my husband has been looking up porn on his phone. I also just gave birth to our son. When I noticed the dates he was looking it up, I realized that he was looking it up just before he would want to have sex. Now that I know, it has me worried that he only married me because I was pregnant and that he really isn't attracted to me. Before I found the porn on his phone, he was having problems keeping an erection and/or reaching his climax. He would always tell me it wasn't me and that he was just tired or didn't stay hydrated during the day so he couldn't. I don't know what to do. When I try to talk to him about it, I can tell he feels bad so I stop. Is my marriage over before it even really began? Please help.

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FIrst off... you just had a kid... second this has nothing to do with you.

And you are right... nagging him only makes the ED worse... and rubs his face in it...

While guys are easy to get going... the plumbing to raise the flagpole is quite complicated and if everything isn't working right... it just isn't going up.

What Smoothy said!
Could take the place of the comics section in the newspaper!!

More than likely!
He is getting it up without you.
He may have this thing about how you look right now!
And this is his way of dealing with it!!
He does need to understand!
There is more to sex than just porn alone!!
If you could!
Ask him if he does not want to have sex with until your back in shape!
That there are other ways to have sex with you.
Tell him some of the ings other than getting it in!
And pulling it out!!

Orgasm is more between the ears than between the legs!
And let him know just what they are!!
He turns you on!!
Then you can turn him on and prove it to him that you can do it to him!!

Do you work? Bet you're home with baby all day alone.

Forget the porn and see the problem, you both are recovering from a life changing event and there are emotional adjustment to be made on both side. Now you are stressed and so is he and lost the connection TEMPORARILY as the reality of responsibility is settling in. You both have turned inward and not shared.

Its not about you other than your detective work has you afraid and insecure at what you have found and taken HIS problem as your own. Generally if you focus on other areas of the marriage you will reconnect and be able to freely talk and develop that one mind on the same page and help each other with what needs to be done.

Just as you have to follow up with your doctor, he may need the very same thing too! Not easy for a guy to do, so don't think its just about porn because you may just miss the real problems that stop you from working together to adjust to your own lives together.

I think it starts with you getting good honest communications between you and be patient as you relearn each others language. Its going to take a while, so just be a loving family and enjoy being with each other and let the sex and talking develop in its own time. It will.

Make sure you have friends family and fresh air as you get through this. The more things you do for yourself to enjoy yourself, the better. Be happy with yourself as you heal and adjust.

Good luck.