Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend wants space

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. I moved out of my apartment to move in with her. She has a special needs child and I have done everything I can to be an excellent parent for him. She has been alone for 7 years now and he has never had a father figure around. But we got along pretty good, had our ups and downs of course. She gained some weight and wanted to start working out with her girlfriend who suddenly became single and required a lot of her time. Also started doing girls night out. I felt a little alone all the time waiting for her to come home late at night till 900 pm at times. They would take sometimes up to 3 hours with only 1 hour workout and the gym being only 5 min away. Well of course we had our arguments, and I threw fits about it. We both have myspaces, I had broke it off and claimed single on mine to get a reaction out of her and of course it didn't work. Her friend was keeping a close eye on my account and kept her informed of everything I was doing. So I wanted to talk to her about it, but she changed her account to single as well claiming she was following suit and just wanted me to move out and have space. I don't know exactly where and how fast this all came about, but for the longest time before all this she stopped calling me and stopped answering all of my calls as well. She claims that I had a lot of alt. I spent so much time and effort trying to do things that we could have fun doing together. I am not sure where this all went. So this weekend she went back home for her mothers B-day, but before leaving we had a good talk among one other thing, and then talked for the 2 hour drive she had and even made plans for a Florida trip in April. But I think she still wants me out. I am soooo confused and have read a lot of the blogs on here. I need some feedback on my situation... Please help me stop the confusion.

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Originally Posted by pablocruz696

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. I moved out of my apartment to move in with her. She has a special needs child and I have done everything I can to be an excellent parent for him. She has been alone for 7 years now and he has never had a father figure around. But we got along pretty good, had our ups and downs of course. She gained some weight and wanted to start working out with her girlfriend who suddenly became single and required alot of her time. Also started doing girls night out. I felt a little alone all the time waiting for her to come home late at night till 900 pm at times. They would take sometimes up to 3 hours with only 1 hour workout and the gym being only 5 min away. Well of course we had our arguments, and I threw fits about it. We both have myspaces, I had broke it off and claimed single on mine to get a reaction out of her and of course it didn't work. Her friend was keeping a close eye on my account and kept her informed of everything I was doing. So I wanted to talk to her about it, but she changed her account to single as well claiming she was following suit and just wanted me to move out and have space. I don't know exactly where and how fast this all came about, but for the longest time before all this she stopped calling me and stopped answering all of my calls as well. She claims that I had alot of alt. I spent so much time and effort trying to do things that we could have fun doing together. I am not sure where this all went. So this weekend she went back home for her mothers B-day, but before leaving we had a good talk among one other thing, and then talked for the 2 hour drive she had and even made plans for a Florida trip in April. But I think she still wants me out. I am soooo confused and have read alot of the blogs on here. I need some feedback on my situation...Please help me stop the confusion.

Have you tried to talk to her about your relationship?

Yes I have. But it has really been that she wants space. She doesn't even call at this time. I don't know what to ask anymore at this point?

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Originally Posted by pablocruz696

My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. I moved out of my apartment to move in with her.

Which means you moved in with her during the year. That is just too soon.

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Originally Posted by pablocruz696

She has a special needs child and I have done everything I can to be an excellent parent for him. She has been alone for 7 years now and he has never had a father figure around.

It’s great that you were a father figure to that little girl. Especially more so since she was a special needs child. To put it bluntly, there are a few losers who post on this board that could learn the meaning of stepping up and being a man from someone like you. That being said your relationship is with your girlfriend. Your relationship isn’t with the child and as a result your relationship with the child can’t be used as a crutch or a reason that your relationship with the woman is supposed to work.

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Originally Posted by pablocruz696

She gained some weight and wanted to start working out with her girlfriend who suddenly became single and required alot of her time. Also started doing girls night out. I felt a little alone all the time waiting for her to come home late at night till 900 pm at times. They would take sometimes up to 3 hours with only 1 hour workout and the gym being only 5 min away.

Pablo when I read the above I get the impression that your girlfriend was not so interested in you but was interested in a free babysitter.

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Originally Posted by pablocruz696

Well of course we had our arguments, and I threw fits about it. We both have myspaces, I had broke it off and claimed single on mine to get a reaction out of her and of course it didn't work. Her friend was keeping a close eye on my account and kept her informed of everything I was doing. So I wanted to talk to her about it, but she changed her account to single as well claiming she was following suit and just wanted me to move out and have space.

Okay I have a myspace account too but I don’t use it that much. I’ll be the first to tell you I don’t get the whole myspace phenomenon. To me it’s just a place where you post some videos and pictures and try to collect a bunch of friends to get a big number. So that’s where I’m coming from in this response.

So what if you change you myspace to single? Who even reads that section besides apparently her friend? And why are you, someone I’ve never met but have great respect for since you have the ability to nut up and care for a special needs child that isn’t even you own doing playing middle school games with a website relationship status prompt? Seriously that is beneath you and I really don’t understand what it was supposed to accomplish.

The two of you are adults so leave the high school website alone and talk to each other like adults. If you want to end it tell her, if you are having problems tell her. If she isn’t going to respond to fair concerns that you bring up about her using you to take care of her child while she does whatever then you must leave her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pablocruz696

I don't know exactly where and how fast this all came about, but for the longest time before all this she stopped calling me and stopped answering all of my calls as well. She claims that I had alot of alt. I spent so much time and effort trying to do things that we could have fun doing together. I am not sure where this all went. So this weekend she went back home for her mothers B-day, but before leaving we had a good talk among one other thing, and then talked for the 2 hour drive she had and even made plans for a Florida trip in April. But I think she still wants me out. I am soooo confused and have read alot of the blogs on here. I need some feedback on my situation...Please help me stop the confusion.

Pablo my gut reaction is that she finally found someone she could use to watch the child and not have to pay for. I don’t think you’re a 100% innocent but I think your intentions were probably for the best. But at the end of the day I just get the impression she was looking for someone to watch the child while she did whatever she wanted.

Ya I hear all of you about her son, but the honest truth after all that is that I want to be with this women who also did so much my kiddos. I think that tonight is going to be a big decider but probably with the ultimate still moving out. I will keep this post updated. I know I must move on, but why does this life have to be sooo hard, at my age. Ya I should have left that stupid myspace posting alone but anymore, I suppose this was the only way to meet. I am no longer into the clubbing seen looking for women out in those places. There are some adults on those pages as well, looking for the same type of relationships. I guess when her friend who is (38) years long relationship ended with a 24 year old kid was going to eventually bleed into mine. I could tell she never really approved of me either.

I'd move out and give her the space she says she wants. I'm not sure what's going on here but she seems to have changed her priorities. That being the case, you need to change yours as well. Do your own thing, hang out with your buddies and meet and date other women. Right now she's not part of your life so don't live as though she is.

I know but afte sitting here all day, packing and what not. Sitting here watching some TV, she finally text me that she is on the way back from East Texas. I suppose this weekend she was also going to think. I am not sure to say when she makes it back. Of course I want to make every effort to make this workout before I move out. However if that is not the case then I have to consider the other blog suggestions I have seen here. She did mention at a moment during the conversation up to East Texas that she said if we can make it past this separation then it was meant to be. However I see it that if we do go along with this separation, it only means that we would not be able to work anything out in the near future if we could not do this now. Basically, if someone wants to play the I need space game then the relationship has reached it's end. This is were I reach to a conclusion that maybe she wants me to be away while she tries something else with someone else and still have me within reach if it doesn't work out or what? Of course I am not going to express that to her and just make matters worse. But jeez, If I move out then well I should maybe move on...

Well I’m writing this after your conversation took place so I hope it worked out or at the very least even if it didn’t you got some better or more solid answers to the situation then you had before.

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Originally Posted by pablocruz696

She did mention at a moment during the conversation up to East Texas that she said if we can make it past this seperation then it was ment to be.

I don’t agree with that. I think I know what she means but if you get over this hump there will always be differences. That’s not to say this can’t work out. I don’t want to give that impression but at the same time it appears to be headed in that direction. But relationships are always going to have issues. If you have problems it’s how you deal with them that matters and if both parties want to and are willing to deal with them. I guess that’s what I disagree with her about. By what you write here you seem to be bending over backwards to show her your value and she doesn’t seem to care. So I guess how can she make that judgment without really trying this time before the separation.

I hope that made sense. I know what I mean but I’m not sure I translated that well.

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Originally Posted by pablocruz696

However I see it that if we do go along with this seperation, it only means that we would not be able to work anything out in the near future if we could not do this now.

In this situation by what you’ve written I tend to agree with you. Again because you seem to be making more of an attempt and also for some reason seems to be taking advice from her friend way too much.

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Originally Posted by pablocruz696

Basicaly, if someone wants to play the I need space game then the relationship has reached it's end. This is were I reach to a conclusion that maybe she wants me to be away while she tries something else with somone else and still have me within reach if it doesn't work out or what? Of course I am not going to express that to her and just make matters worse. But jeez, If I move out then well I should maybe move on...

I actually wondered that myself about the possibility of there being another person and her wanting to use you as a back up plan. That would explain all the extra hours away while you watched the kid like the “nice guy.” It would suck if she would use her child like that, but unfortunately it would not be unheard of.

Let us know how the meeting went and how your doing in the next day or two.

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But jeez, If I move out then well I should maybe move on...

Moving on to get your head together and hers is hardly the end of the world. Since I don't see good honest communication here I can only assume you two are on different pages and at different places in life. Healthy relationships require partners to work together in dealing with all the issues that life presents to them. I'm not seeing that here.