Girlfriend broke up with me after 3 years. I'm scared of her starting dating this guy
Hello,
So me and my girlfriend started dating 3 years ago. I wasn't much into it, but she was really in love with me and I gave her a chance. Also, I had never dated before. We're both 23 now.
Since then, we basically saw each other every single day and did all sorts of things together and we slept together for about 4/5 nights a week, in our parents' houses. I study in college, she works as a hairdresser and we always saw each other after work. We also used to travel a lot. There was just one thing that sometimes was missing: somehow, after she first felt what it was like to have an orgasm with a boyfriend (she dated her previous boyfriend for 2 years and he wasn't good in bed) , suddenly she started losing interest about sex. She just didn't feel like doing it many times.
Anyway our relationship was almost perfect and other people used to envy us.
We were just fine until about some months ago. We started having a few arguments but nothing out of the ordinary. We always knew what we've felt for each other. I had been busy with college and I hadn't had many time for her, but that didn't stop us from sleeping together ( I used to study at her house ) and every once in a while going to the beach or something like that.
One thing that used to bother me was the fact that I sometimes felt really smothered by her, since she was always around me and did nothing else other than go to work, come to me, go to work, come to me... It was really discomforting, since I don't want a person that depends on me to be happy, which she kind of showed me since we started dating .Sometimes I questioned myself about how much did I really love her and in what way. I somestimes felt a rush to ask her for some time to myself, but at the same time, I never wanted her to feel that our relationship was insecure or that maybe I was starting to not like her ( which sometimes I thought that maybe that was what was really happening ).
Anyway, I never really gave such thoughts much credit and ( since it's my first relationship) I thought to myself " it's normal to have doubts about this and that every once in a while ", and I always moved on.
About 5 months ago, we were really struggling to work sex out. She just didn't feel like it many times and we got to the fact that every time we tried to do it at night, it always ended up bad; whereas in the morning, it always felt really good! So, we stuck with the plan of making love only in the morning. Not always, but mainly.
Another time that we talked about her lack of need for sex, she told me that she was afraid of beginning to not like me anymore. But trust me, if I thought that she was really serious, I would have done something about it. One thing was what she said, another thing was how she acted. Nothing in her attitude had changed.
Two weeks ago, we had a small fight. I was very busy with a college work and I asked her to come to my place. She did and we were cool, but as she left, we started arguing again about the lack of sex and other things. I admit that at that time maybe I was a bit hard.
Next day, she came to me to talk about our relationship. We talked about things like the fact that we spent too much time with each other and we sort of created a habit; we talked about the lack of sex... and she told me something that made me really fall to the ground: she told me that she thinks that I love her more than she loves me. I even asked if I could kiss her and she said " i don' t know ". This struck me like a bomb. I started crying in front of her, and apologized for any moment where I was harder than usual; I told her that she knows me well enough to know that when I say something bad, I don't mean it and usually after saying it, I apologize immediately.
Anyway, she told me that besides all that, we fell into a routine and habit and she didn't want to end up like her parents ( they are together just because yes lol; they're not happy and they never do amusing things ). So she asked some time to herself for her to do other things and feel the need to really be with me again and like me at 100%.
I was really surprised, since I thought about doing this many times before, but now that she did it, I'm torn apart.
Suddenly she started going out with friends, getting drunk and so on and it really hurts me, since I was the one who many times suggested that she did such things ; not be limited to being with me. She is now being the person that I'd like her to be while we were still together and I'm really jelous.
A week later , we talked again, face to face. She told me that she didn't want to be with me acting only as a friend, while she was still my girlfriend. So I told her that if she wanted, for now, we could be only friends ( that's how we started ) and she said yes. We were really at ease with each other and I told her that it would be cool to see each other every once in a while just to catch up. But she told me that if we wanted to save our relationship, we'd better not see each other just as friends, to avoid realizing that we're better off that way.
I even told her that I changed my room ( like she suggested me to do many times before ) and I was really happy about it. I started going over details about such change, but she cut me off saying " Don't tell me now. Let me be surprised when i go there ".
We were okay and I went home with a ( false? ) sense of hope. We haven't talked since.
Like all of us, I started imagining possible scenarios of what she'll do from now. And suddenly, I came up with this scenario that just doesn't get out of my head.
So, I met this guy at a birthday party of a mutual friend of mine and hers, one week before this break up. He's a guy she had last seen on 2003 or so, and he is now a very tough guy. At that party, we spent about 3 hours talking about his job and his stories ( he works at the air force ) and I recognized that he's a guy with some balls.
He has his own house, his own car and does whatever he likes.
So, after the break up, him, her and other mutual friends have started going out and talking a lot. And I know this guy is an excellent person and that my girlfriend hadn't considered the possibility of something happening with him, while she was with me, but now the scenario I imagine is the one where they start spending time together, talking about lots of things, and eventually falling for one another.
This is even supported by the fact that he has his own house and my girlfriend was waiting for me to finish college so we too could get our own house. I also remember that when we had sex, it was also hard for her to sometimes have an orgasm, since we couldn't make any sounds ( parents in da house xD ). So, all this seems like it came out of a fairy tale. I'm really scared that this actually starts happening; what scares me the most is the thought of them having sex: I lost my virginity with this girl and that was very important to me. Just the thought of her doing the same things, the same sounds, the same face expressions with another guy... IT'S HAUNTING!!
I don't want to think about this, but I can't help it! It's like I'm predicting the future... I even think that I'd have more of a chance to get her back if it wasn't for this guy suddenly appearing in our life!!
I'm now using the NC rule and trying to move on with my life, since I feel that my relationship is over. But this intrusive thought doesn't let me be okay with myself! I would really love to know that, after some time, she realized that the grass wasn't really as greener on the other side, as she thought it was...
Really sorry for the long post, I really felt the need to wear this off with someone, and I'd really like some advices about this situation. Thank you for your patience :)
