Ask Me Help Desk - Why won't he marry me?

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and we both love each other very much. We started by becoming friends at college, then both went to separate universities and then got together after uni. Commitment has been a bit of a struggle from the beginning...
We already knew each other pretty well before we got together so I knew after a few dates, I wanted to form a relationship with him... he did not at the time [I later found out that he was sexting several different woman at this time]. Then it took him 2 years to say that he loved me, this was a very distressing time for me as I knew that I had fallen madly in love with him from early on in the relationship. It then took him ages to decide that he wanted to live with me and now we've been living together for 2 years.
Am I crazy in thinking that he's ever going to marry me? I am crazy about him and know the he's 'the one' for me and he also states that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but 'just doesn't feel ready' I've heard this over and over again at different stages of our relationship and I'm just getting really down hearted and feel he's never going to reach the same maturity as me. What shall I do?

Quote:

Originally Posted by nurse86

Iv been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and we both love each other very much. We started off by becoming friends at college, then both went to separate universities and then got together after uni. Commitment has been a bit of a struggle from the beginning....
We already knew each other pretty well before we got together so I knew after a few dates, I wanted to form a relationship with him...he did not at the time [I later found out that he was sexting several different woman at this time]. Then it took him 2 years to say that he loved me, this was a very distressing time for me as I knew that I had fallen madly in love with him from early on in the relationship. It then took him ages to decide that he wanted to live with me and now we've been living together for 2 years. Am I crazy in thinking that he's ever going to marry me? I am crazy about him and know the he's 'the one' for me and he also states that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but 'just doesn't feel ready' iv heard this over and over again at different stages of our relationship and I'm just getting really down hearted and feel he's never going to reach the same maturity as me. What shall I do?

Why would he buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?

Meaning he's living with you and sleeping with you.. what incentive does he have to get married too?

Quote:

Originally Posted by nurse86

Iv been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and we both love each other very much. We started off by becoming friends at college, then both went to separate universities and then got together after uni. Commitment has been a bit of a struggle from the beginning....
We already knew each other pretty well before we got together so I knew after a few dates, I wanted to form a relationship with him...he did not at the time [I later found out that he was sexting several different woman at this time]. Then it took him 2 years to say that he loved me, this was a very distressing time for me as I knew that I had fallen madly in love with him from early on in the relationship. It then took him ages to decide that he wanted to live with me and now we've been living together for 2 years.
Am I crazy in thinking that he's ever going to marry me? I am crazy about him and know the he's 'the one' for me and he also states that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but 'just doesn't feel ready' iv heard this over and over again at different stages of our relationship and I'm just getting really down hearted and feel he's never going to reach the same maturity as me. What shall I do?

First off if you're worried about his level of commitment now how how is it going to be in ten or fifteen years? Are you still going to be worrying about his level of commitment? Better yet are you ready to marry someone who you know is not entirely committed to you?

Second: some people take longer to settle down than others. Expecting someone to be ready when you are is like expecting an airplane to take off when you arrive at the airport... it doesn't work that way. Pushing him into something that he's not ready for may make his level of commitment lower than what it already is.

Finally: Love is an awfully big word and should only be used if that's how you truly feel about that person. Maybe he took so long to say it because he wanted to make sure that you were the right one.

My advice: Ask him why he's nervous about popping the question. Knowing most guys they don't even realize there's a problem before it's too late. Maybe he just wants to hold on to his youth a bit longer (his past indiscretions seem to point in this direction), maybe he wants to have his freedom, maybe he's simply nervous about what you'll say... the point is that you won't know until you ask. And hey if you really want to push him into it you ask him to marry you- it's the 21st century you can give it a shot. But doing it before you're both ready may put some tension on the relationship.

Forever is an awfully long time to spend with someone you don't really care for (though modern trends in divorce have solved this issue nicely) I think he's just being cautious and isn't ready to wear the worlds smallest handcuffs quite yet. If you really think he's the one than stick with him and give him a shot to man up.