Hello I just wondered if anyone could give me some advice on this.

Me and my ex-partner who I have a 2 year old child with split after a 4 year relationship, the split was mutual due to the fact we were no longer in love with each other.

We lived together for 3 years but after trying for a year to work things out we decided she would move out and get her own place which I paid for. We were split for 2 months before she moved so I could get some money together but after 2 weeks of her moving out she slept with someone else on a night out.
A month after this we were texting a lot and decided to meet up on a night and we then slept together, it just felt right.

After sleeping with her we sat down and asked if we had seen anyone else in our break, she was hesitant at first but then said she had slept with someone when she went away for a weekend. I also told her I had met an ex and talked with her but nothing happened, she was very mad that I had seen an ex and said it was worse than her sleeping with a random person what do you think?

We have decided to give this another go as we really love each other but I just keep thinking about this other lad, I have asked her a lot of questions about this witch I wish I didn't, and I know exactly what happened that night. Like everyone we have Facebook and I have seen lots of male friends emailing her asking to go for a drink which she didn't tell me about, we are still single on Facebook and I have asked her to change it but she says not till she is ready, this makes me think she is hiding something and wants people to still think she is single am I mad LOL.

Whoever reads this please let me know what you think about my situation and if it will work out and am I just being paranoid about a stupid things

I don't think it will because what if she righr back and cheats on you again, then how do you feel, ull just be putting your heart on the line, and to me it dsnt sound like a really great relationship if she dsnt show that she wasn't single

I think that that is more drama than it is worth. If she really is going to hold talking to an ex against you after sleeping with someone, why bother? Move on, an ex is an ex for a reason, go no contact and find someone who you can start fresh with.

Thanks for the advise, can I just say its not as easy as just stopping it because we have a child together and I will have to see her everyday, also darkanglexx she didn't cheat as we had split up but it still hurt, after speaking to a lot of friends about this they just said that I should not be bothered what happened when I split up because we where not together but it still makes me para because it was so easy for her to do, last thing sorry in my head if I had the chance to sleep with someone when we were split I would have so maybe I shouldn't be so hypercritical what do you think?

I don't know why you got so upset and I don't know why she did. If you two are going to try and make it work, I suggest you do some couples counseling, or at least learn how to communicate with each other. Set some boundaries, things you won't do while you are together.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I don't know why you got so upset and I don't know why she did. If you two are going to try and make it work, I suggest you do some couples counseling, or at least learn how to communicate with each other. Set some boundaries, things you won't do while you are together.

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I was upset because it was 2 weeks after she moved out and it made me feel like she didn't respect her self or me but I do really love her and just want it to work for everyone including my daughter but I don't think she would like the counseling idea. Thanks for the input .

Did you ever work through the issues that caused the original break up?
If you two really want this to work you are going to need to learn to communicate with each other. Work through your issues. This breaking up, going back and forth is not going to do any good.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Did you ever work through the issues that caused the original break up?
If you two really want this to work you are going to need to learn to communicate with each other. Work through your issues. This breaking up, going back and forth is not going to do any good.

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We didn't talk much about it but we did say that we shouldn't have broke up but because we where so close to each other in the relationship and we both felt we didn't have enough space and just recented each other for that, now she has moved out we both have time to do what we like and also see each other. This is going to sound really bad but it all started when my daugter was born because we didn't spend any time together it just fizzeled out so now we knoe this we are trying to make time for each other and also family time, I ffel really bad for saying that because I wouldn't change my daughter for the world.

You two can be parents to your daughter and live in separate places. You need to work through your initial issues. Get reacquainted, date each other. See where things go from there.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You two can be parents to your daughter and live in separate places. You need to work through your initial issues. Get reacquainted, date each other. See where things go from there.

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And that's exactly what I want to do but I just feel insucure all the time and get worried about her going with someone else I also can't get this other lad she slept with out of my head I just hope this passes

No I don't think you should be so hypocritical bcs there really no reaso to and srry for the confusion of saying she cheated ,n I also agree with home girl about seeing where it goes.from there but girlfriend goes back to being the same way then Ijust think should you try again, bcs after two tries shld be south to aee if it will last

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Originally Posted by cjk888

And thats exactly what i want to do but i just feel insecure all the time and get worried about her going with someone else i also can't get this other lad she slept with out of my head i just hope this passes

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Well living with her is not going to help. What you want to do is keep an eye on her. You two need some couple counseling, or you do to help you get past this if you want this relationship to work.

You ain't going to like this one bit, but get to the court house and set up child support, and go fishing or something away from her and get your head together my young friend. You need to approach this slowly and carefully and not rush back into a complicated situation with a confused head, and a confused person.

A good decision is what you need, so take time to come up with one. You are focused on the wrong thing. The completely wrong thing.

Thanks for all; the advise, this is the first time I have ever joined a site like this and it has really helped, I think that I'm going to try and make things work with my ex and just try and hopefully get past my insucurity, I no at the end of the day we were singew when she slept with this other person so I have no reason to not trust her as she never cheasted before I just think I am reading into things abit too much and maybe need to step back somethimes. Again I really appretiate all the comments and thanks.

hello all,

I have already talked about this once before but would like some more answers please.

after splitting with my ex of 4 years who I lived with and had a beautiful daughter, she slept with someone 2 months after which is 2 weeks after moving out. About 1 month later we both were still finding it hard as we still had to see each other most days and decided we wanted to get back with each other. We had sex that night after both being drunk and after I asked before we do get back together I would like to know if she had been seeing anyone else she was very hesitant but then told me she had slept with someone when she went away for a weekend for which she said sorry straight away, I know when this was and at the time it didn't bother me, she also asked me and I told her I hadn't slept with anyone just met with an ex and spoke to a few different girls but when I told her about my ex she wasn't happy and got mad, she siad I would rather you had slept with some random person then spoke to your ex and it made me feel bad but now all I think about is that she has slept with someone also like an idiot I asked her a lot of questions and details about what happened (wish I didnt) so now all I get is pictures of my now girlfreind having sex with someother lad will this ever go? Its also made me paranoid and now when she goes out all I can think is she is going to do it again. The 4 years we where together she didn't cheat and I know this for a fact but why now do I think this will happen now? Should I stay with her or just leave it? Just to add I really do love her and want to be with her its just hard to think about it.

any input would be helpful thanks.

For me, I did tried stay together for 3 years with my boyfriend. And I knew that day passes, the sparks and romance on each other also passes and problems arises. So my opinion is you should forgot on the she slept with some other stranger on that night thingy as she done it when she is not attached with you and take the opportunity while she is staying outside to patch thing up before she found some others. It is always the easier to patch thing up when both of you are in distance and still single. I think she is still in love with you and that's why she over-react when she knew you met your ex. So there is no harm for trying again to be together. If still can't work, then you'll know what should do. Before ended, Good Luck with another try :)

To add on, I personally regretted never insisted to move out and consider take a break with my ex before I fall into someone else. Which is right now everything is too late for me to mend. I always believe if I insist and give a false alarm to him earlier on, perhaps we're still good together now. So please do not follow my footsteps. At least you do try ;)

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Originally Posted by Disney87

For me, I did tried stay together for 3 years with my bf. And I knew that day passes, the sparks and romance on each other also passes and problems arises. So my opinion is you should forgot on the she slept with some other stranger on that night thingy as she done it when she is not attached with you and take the opportunity while she is staying outside to patch thing up before she found some others. It is always the easier to patch thing up when both of you are in distance and still single. I think she is still in love with you and that's why she over-react when she knew you met your ex. So there is no harm for trying again to be together. If still can't work, then you'll know what should do. Before ended, Good Luck with another try :)

to add on, i personally regretted never insisted to move out and consider take a break with my ex before i fall into someone else. Which is right now everything is too late for me to mend. I always believe if i insist and give a false alarm to him earlier on, perhaps we're still good together now. So please do not follow my footsteps. At least you do try ;)

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Thanks for that comment I think you are right and I really want this to work, it will just take time for me to forget but I'm sure I will (I hope I can) you didn't explain what happened to you well the datails anyway was it the same as what happened with me? I wish we could just delete memories lol but life just isn't that easy.

Sometimes I could really wish I could have lost memories of both of them and let see who is the 1 who will win me back again ;) This is because my ex makes me felt I am more relax and more being myself when with him, however, he is just like another married man who does not care much on the romance, bit selfish I would said and never ever taking my words/complaints into his heart for improvement or at least discussion after together for sometimes. All for what we done are routines and sleep together and no difference with other old married couples. I have to do all the household chores by myself like a maid without his help, he will never help when I carrying lotsa thing unless I voice out, always think of himself 1st than me and always give me promises that seldom delivered which makes it all turn out to be resentment.

I does not want that kind of feel while we're still dating and marriage is far behind from us. Perhaps this is my 1st love as well.. that's why I am quite demanding and always awaiting him to give some romance, caring and more gentleman which he is too insensitive for that. And I have waited for his changes and also improvement when I complain for 4 years which does not shown any result only after break up. Couples month back before I break up with him, I met up a guy and fall in love. Maybe it is because the way he treats me does not same as what my boyfriend did and also did think that this guy might not be the same once he got me. But who cares. Because anyhow without any others, I think my relationship with ex will have no improvement and ended up I will reject him when he proposed in someday. I would rather learn some lesson, mistake and then firm with what I want before getting into commitment like marriage. I just don't want to be another couple who does not know what they want and ended up with divorce. But for what I regret, I should have given him a false alarm before I fall into others which we might now still ended up happily together perhaps.

While for another guy that I am seeing right now, I feel more challenging and intense with him. Which I think for long term, my ex would be the best but for now, this guy probably would be the ideal one.

Unfortunately, I am a similar situation. Though It was somewhere between 3 days, to two weeks after the break up that she did it. She really did think it was the end she said, but she swore she still loved me deeply. She wants me back, and states although it hurt me, she was single and now she knows how it feels "without love" and doesn't want anything to do with that. Though she did state during our break up that she wanted nothing to do with relationships because of school and work and so on and so on. I have been with her for 3 years, and honestly planned to marry her in the future. As the days passed, I have been hurt by the taunting thoughts, but have been trying to bury them. I have talked to her about it, and honest have no intention of leaving her. But currently I have almost slipped into insanity once, and considered suicide several times. Some would say I'm dramatic and I'm just too young (19). But it still hurts nonetheless. I really do want to forgive her, but she doesn't want to tell anyone that is close to us. So I have no input on my situation. She regrets doing it, and suggested maybe I should do it casually with someone to level the playing field. At first I dismissed the idea, but as time goes, I start considering it more and more... I still love her and want to marry her. And I am trying to forgive her, but I don't know what to feel. Am I wrong for being hurt by this? She was single, even if it was a short time.
I'm planning to go to a therapist soon, and after a session, I'll have one with her as well. Maybe that is an idea you two can try as well. Message me if you'd like, It'd be nice to talk to someone else who can relate. >email address removed<

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Originally Posted by theanonymoused

Unfortunately, I am a similar situation. Though It was somewhere between 3 days, to two weeks after the break up that she did it. She really did think it was the end she said, but she swore she still loved me deeply. She wants me back, and states although it hurt me, she was single and now she knows how it feels "without love" and doesn't want anything to do with that. Though she did state during our break up that she wanted nothing to do with relationships because of school and work and so on and so on. I have been with her for 3 years, and honestly planned to marry her in the future. As the days passed, I have been hurt by the taunting thoughts, but have been trying to bury them. I have talked to her about it, and honest have no intention of leaving her. But currently I have almost slipped into insanity once, and considered suicide several times. Some would say I'm dramatic and I'm just too young (19). But it still hurts nonetheless. I really do want to forgive her, but she doesn't want to tell anyone that is close to us. So i have no input on my situation. She regrets doing it, and suggested maybe i should do it casually with someone to level the playing field. At first i dismissed the idea, but as time goes, i start considering it more and more... I still love her and want to marry her. And I am trying to forgive her, but i don't know what to feel. Am i wrong for being hurt by this? She was single, even if it was a short time.
I'm planning to go to a therapist soon, and after a session, I'll have one with her as well. Maybe that is an idea you two can try as well. Message me if you'd like, It'd be nice to talk to someone else who can relate. >email address removed<

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Hello theanonymoused.

I am 24 and was with my girlfriend for 4 years but the only difference is we have a daughter together, I think if we didn't and this happened then I would just leave it and never talk to her again even though I do love her, but because I still have to see her a lot because I love seeing my daughter I want to try and make it work and I do still love her. It's been 2/3 months now and it's starting to feel a little better but it still really hurts to think about it, the worst part is once we were having sex and it popped into my head that she was with someone else not long ago and made me not want to have sex lol, I have thought a lot about getting even but we are together now and test would just be cheating and she said to me she couldn't be with me if I did that so in a way that is good because she can't bare the thought of me bring with someone else. I think it's strange that your girlfriend would say you can do it but she might just be saying it because she knows you won't plus it's harder for guys to just go and do it then girls, what ever you do mate don't ask her about it no details I made that mistake and now it's harder to get out my head we must move on. Here's something that helped me abit, try writing a letter on your computer to her just put how you feel put bad stuff and good stuff about her in mine I even wrote your just a slut lol but also how nice she is when we are together. Don't send it just when ever you think about it go back and write some more then something good you like about her it's help a lot I promice.