So uhm.. Hi. My name is (well, I kind of want to be anonymous, even though I know that none of whom I know is aware of this webpage).
I'm totally new with this site; but it seems promising. I've been reading a couple of other threads on here, and people seem to be helping each other pretty well. So I figured: hey, why not give it a try.
Here's my problem, though: there's something that I just need to get out there. Something I've been wanting to talk to somebody about, but I just need a couple of fresh and neutral eyes on this.
I'm single. I've been single for nearly 2 years now, and it's great. (I'm 17, by the way.) I love being able to woo other girls and that sort of thing. Right now I couldn't see myself in a relationship with anybody, because that would ruin my current mood and what I stand for, as of right now (relationship-wise). Since my horrible and well-deserved break-up with my ex 2 years ago, I started seeing girls more as objects (not shallow with this at all), and not as potential love-givers that would come in and change my life. My ex really changed me. For the better. I became more independent, and I saw a much greater perspective in the female being. My spectrum was expanded. So, for the past year or so, I have been.. let's say "having fun" is what I've been doing. I broke a couple of hearts along the way, sure, but nothing that has affected me or my decisions to keep on going.
I never really did see anything wrong with having fun. Life shouldn't be one long journey of endless love - especially not at my age. I'm still having problems grasping this whole concept of love. I wouldn't consider myself an expert on the genre, but I sure have gained a lot of experience with women; more than enough for me to have a general opinion (but that's another thread).
I've always been addicted to social media (Facebook etc.), so I've been meeting girls there. Sure, a lot of people think of it as a joke, but once you really start to learn how it works, a whole lot of communication and bonding can be made. I've met about (not to exaggerate) 150-200 girls online, and it's been a journey to this date, I can tell you that much.
So last fall, I met this girl (let's call her J). She is about 2 years younger than me, and we really hit it off (on the internet, mind you). She lived in the same city, so it was great. Everything connected. We were having a blast; looking forward to meeting each other and so on and so forth. Though, a little while before meeting her, I had my eyes on this other girl (let's call this one A), but I was sceptic with her. She lives 300 km (180-some miles) from me, in a whole other city. So I didn't really wanted to get serious with this one, seeing that long distances rarely work out. But man.. A was really special. I hadn't met her yet, but she was perfect in every way imaginable. We had the same taste in music, the same black humor - everything. It couldn't be better. Though, I also had this thing with J going at the same time.. But nothing was too serious at the moment, so I met J, and of course: we kissed, we had a great time. We fell in love. Did I regret it? Hell no. I couldn't be happier. But in my mind, I still had this thing for A. Heck, I even had this thing for her before meeting with J. As time went on, I even grew some great feeling for A, while still feeling the way I did for J. So I confronted them both, telling them individually that I was in love with them both (I still hadn't met A) - and of course, they were both hurt. And angry.
To this day, I still have feelings for them, but my feelings for A are greater. A whole bunch greater, mind you. I have met A and I am still seeing J on a weekly basis. A is nothing less but fantastic. After I met A for the first time, I told her that me and J were done. So when I got home, I still continued seeing J - with A knowing nothing about it. And of course, they want me to choose. I am seeing A in 2 days time, and the same day I'm seeing J.
Is what I'm doing wrong? Am I a bad person? Should the both of them just leave me so I can learn from my mistakes? I need help with this - but not just help. I seek guidance. There's a whole lot more details to this, but I kept it short *cough*.
If there is just 1 pure and helpful soul out there, please guide me through this. Give me some advice; because love is an unfair game, and I need to clear my concience.
