HI ALL MY NAME IS MARCHEL AND IM ALWAYS having Depression I think from three years and its getting worst year after year .
But the worst thing that I'm getting thoughts about cuting or killing myself and did cut myself few times , and every 2-3 days I get like a Depression attack (felling so depressed and want to cut myself or cry) .
Please help my I can't live with myself ):
I'm 16 years old and don't tell me to talk to someone because I trust no one.
And thanks.

Who do you live with Marchel?
Are you going to school OK?
And why do you trust no one?
Try to answer those questions, and also tell us more about yourself, your family, your years before this started, how you get along in school (or not), anything you can think of.

First I live with my family but the worst think about them that they always trying to analysis my personality Psychology and I hate it I feel that they treat me like I'm crazy and they think they know me or even know what I feel but they don't because they know nothing about me.
And why I don't trust no one because no one deserve my trust.
A trusted I a lot of people in my life and most of them Betrayal me even the closet and they turn against me over the years until I have no one to trust .
And I don't like to go to school too much because I don't like to talk a lot with people because Im .
And a bad thing about me that I got insulted a lot over the years so Im always angry so Im afraid to hurt some one because I get crazy and start hiting thing hard when I remember my past.
(thats me if you can help I will be very thankful)

It isn't easy to give general advice, not for me anyway. I want to know who betrayed you, who hurt you, what happened.
What past do you remember, or is it all just a whole lot of little things?
Also do you have one friend, a best friend? That's all it takes to get by in a tough world. I know how mean kids can be in school. Once one person starts picking on someone, half the class does. Is there anyone else who gets picked on that you know and can talk to?

I agree that it's pointless to analyse, but knowing about your past gives you clues about how to handle the future. I read about a Russian teenager who moved to the US and was bullied horribly just because he was a figure skater instead of a hockey player. Sometimes it's that simple. Or you're kind of sensitive for a guy, or you like poetry, or you just not into joking and seeing who can say the meanest thing to someone walking by.

It's a very nice talk you just sayed .
But you asked me how betrayed me?
Every one did from the closet to the farest .
I always remember how students used to hit me and no one of my friends even try to stop them and some times people I trust (friends) help him like its some kind of jock ,when I go home after school hurting from the Bruises and I always kept my anger inside because I didn't want to upset my family.
And I have no to trust .
But I think I can trust my uncle he is like my big brother he always understands me without even talk to him and he is the only one that's treated me good and supported me and the best thing that he experience what I did, so he can be trusted like I sayed his like my bro.
But the problem that his Expatriate (out of town) and I really miss him ,so I think that makes me more Depressed .
U asked if am a sensitive guy ?
Actually am the opposite I even can't cry when I want .
When I was a child I used be know as the guy that can take a lot of pain.
But know am stronger and am afraid of nothing but the anger still inside and I don't want to blo it on some one because when I get angry I get crazy and no one can stop me.
Thanks am really having fun talking to u.

It really sucks you have to feel that way. Trust me I know what you going through. I have tried to end my life last year and I was used to cut myself and just had a relapse. Don't give up... I'm not doing it. I was in a institution for 5 months last year not by my own choice but once I realized I needed help I was thankful that there were people that cared to help without getting too close. Where do you see yourself in like 5 yrs from now on. Ur life might turn out way better than you think and you don't really want to have scares all over your body then that remind you on this phase of your life or do u? I'm sorry sugarcoating things doesn't help you need to think about your future. Do u really want to put the people you love through the situation of losing u? I'm sure you a great person and even if it doesn't seem like it right know things will get better! Maybe you should start writing? So on the bad days you can read about to good days to be reminded that there are better times. I know you strong enough to get through this and seeking help on here was a great first step!! Proud of u!

Seems like people spend a lot of time not trusting you/trying to figure you out so you don't get to TALK a lot or let your feelings out. Plus it's hard to trust people.
You trusted your friends and they helped the bullies hurt and betrayed you... so it's hard for you to trust new friends. Is there anyone at school or in your community who is your age or older who is nice? (Besides Uncle who you miss)
Is there any way to talk to your Uncle ? I bet him not being around when he was someone who supported you/like a brother really makes things hard sometimes.
You also mention that you remember your past and it makes you lash out/get angry - do you just mean the students at school who hurt you? Is there anyone else hurting you?
You have a hard time letting your feelings out and you could take a lot of pain and stuff it down or hide it from family or other people (when you were a child you said you were the guy who could "take a lot of pain") but now all that pain is still in there with no outlet... and you feel really angry all the time :( (or depressed) so it comes out in hitting or getting angry or losing control (or hurting yourself)?

Is there any physical activity that you like to do? Is there any thing you can think of that has ever helped you to let go of some stress or tension or anger? (Like running or punching a punching bag or martial arts, sports, games, working outside, art, etc. etc.) ?

Are you still with us?
How about my question if there is anyone else in school who is like you? He may be hurting and need a friend.

I trust no one (just my uncle)because he had kind of the same chilhood and my family never take me seriously
Am going to the gym and will start martial art but some times the anger comes too strong so I smoke a lot I know its bad but I don't want my family to know that the bad feeling and thoughts is back :(
U said if punching things help??
Yes I think it coms me down because when I get angry I start breaking thing and iting the wall or the locker .
And really really really really thanks O_o

Quote:

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Originally Posted by joypulv

Are you still with us?
How about my question if there is anyone else in school who is like you? He may be hurting and need a friend.

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And about if there is anyone else in school who is like you??
I moved out of my old school .

Thanks all really (:
I'm really having fun talking to u.

Marchel, what do you think would help you the most at this point?

This is an incredibly serious issue and Im not sure a website forum like this is the correct avenue, what I would do anyway if this is of any help is speak to somebody that has a senior job social services, don't worry or have any hesitations because this will be treated in the strictest of confidece if you want to find out where you will find one ask any civil servant (govenment worker), even a policeperson will refer you if your not sure.

Please be strong because you will be soon in a much better place.

If you are being bullied don't tell the teacher go directly to the headmaster but it would be much better if you saw a social worker first as this is the profession of these people.

Are your problems the reason you beat your dog? Does causing someone/something else pain make you feel better?