Ask Me Help Desk - Is it OK for my boyfriend to watch porn?

I was asking for.his phone to call a friend we were about to meet up with. He was like hang on, hang on & was typing on his phone. When I asked what he was doing he said looking up tue directions to where we were about to head too. & I was like ill look those up later onve we get on the road. We had a 2 hour drive and needed to get with out friends first. Once he gave me his phone I called them then got back on the internet which was on Google so I began typing in the place we were goen to to get the address for the gps but I decided to hit the back.button to see what page he was on before because I had a feeling he was getting off somethen I shouldn't see. He had been watching porn videos either that mornig or night before because I didn't stay with him. That night when we got to his house I wanted to bring.it up but we were talking about masturbation in just a general conversation and he swore he don't do it. Which I know is a lie. It's a normal guy thing. And I wanted to bring.up the porn videos I saw on his phone that he was watchen but I needed other views before I did. What do u guys think? Keep in mind we've been.together over 7 months and have a great sex life.

Why do you "need" to bring it up ? Why is it a issue? You know men masturbate so you know men will look at some porn normally.

Its his phone... its his life... he's an adult. Of course its his right to watch some porn if he feels like it. You really don't have anything to say about it...

You got confrontational (at least he perceived it that way) so he got defensive.

I've got to ask a question. Why did you feel a need to talk about it at all?

Well I think its normal but if your not comfortable with it, don't put up with it!!

I think that porn movies are some kind of education for men.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acamrka

I think that porn movies are some kind of education for men.

Nope. Not even close. Sparks of fantasy more like. Granted there are a lot of things to look at and want to try. Most of it though is more for the visual aspect of it rather then the pleasurable component for the actors.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acamrka

I think that porn movies are some kind of education for men.

LMAO! Where did you get that from? Are you 12?

Men are visual. Porn is visual stimulation. If I ever met a man that viewed porn as educational, I'd dump him in a heart beat. Porn is not real, and it's not what real men and women do in the bedroom.

Porn is just for fun, there's nothing educational about it. But, on the same note, there's nothing wrong with watching porn either.

I have to ask the OP (original poster), do you watch chick flicks? Well, you trying to tell your guy he can't watch porn, would be the same as him telling you that you can't watch chick flicks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by askmeanything12

well i think its normal but if your not comfortable with it, don't put up with it!!!

And it is normal... but also its not her place to "put up with it"... its his life... not hers. And its his decision alone. She's going to have a lot of failed relationships if she thinks she's going to control what he can watch and can do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acamrka

I think that porn movies are some kind of education for men.

Talk about not having a clue about guys... and how our minds work. I could go into it and repeat what Craven and Alty already stated, but that would be redundant.

If you don't like it, leave... it will never change! My boyfriend looks at porn, a lot. I hate it, a lot. And this isn't coming from someone ugly. I got "recruited" by a popular magazine because HE sent my pictures in (kind of lame, but OK, whatever)! Flattering, but not for me. I have thought about leaving him because of this, but I have come to accept it - no choice. It's like one of those things that you just overlook because everything else is OK.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Avabelle1

If you don't like it, leave...it will never change! My boyfriend looks at porn, a lot. I hate it, a lot. And this isn't coming from someone ugly. I got "recruited" by a popular magazine because HE sent my pictures in (kind of lame, but ok, whatever)! Flattering, but not for me. I have thought about leaving him because of this, but I have come to accept it - no choice. It's like one of those things that you just overlook because everything else is ok.

Have you ever considered talking to your boyfriend about this? Also, how did he get the pictures? If he took them and sent them without your permission, he's in a crap load of legal problems.

Also, what do you mean by "This isn't coming from someone ugly". Are you suggesting that men that watch porn do so because their wives or gf's are ugly?

Let me guess, you're 18, right?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Avabelle1

If you don't like it, leave...it will never change!

The it will never change, truer words haven't been spoken on this subject.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Avabelle1

My boyfriend looks at porn, a lot. I hate it, a lot.

You don't like it, by your advice you should leave him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Avabelle1

I have thought about leaving him because of this, but I have come to accept it - no choice. It's like one of those things that you just overlook because everything else is ok.

Oh wait. Never mind.

That is MUCH better advice than "If you don't like it leave..."

Well I will start by saying that you have no right to check the history on his phone. That is his private property.

Secondly, who cares if he is watching porn when you aren't around. Big deal. If you guys are having a healthy sex life, then it shouldn't matter.

I bet someone would have their panties in a knot if HE was the one snooping on HER phone and telling her what she could and couldn't do when he was and wasn't around.

The rule of personal space works both ways...

I think everything in moderation. If someone is watch porn 10 hours a day or would rather watch porn than do the real thing then it's a problem.

Also if your gut is telling you you should talk about it then you should. Being honest about snooping may open up honesty all around.

You don't sound like you're that upset about the porn so I'm wondering why you want to talk about it. Is it just that he was hiding it from you?

People who are NOT in a relationship can do w/e they want but once they’re in a relationship, I would think the need or habit of watching porn is less or stops because they’re with a REAL person now. And the need to be glued to the screen, reenacting their nerdy college days when they couldn’t even touch a girl, are behind them.

What I find most insulting is the need to get sexual pleasure outside of the relationship and the very CHEEP excuse that is often used to permit they're behavior. Like, “He just a guy. That’s what they do. What do you expect?” As if guys were some idiotic robots who can't help but search for porn websites.

The saddest thing is that many guys who say they have stopped, have NOT stopped! And if you're man has become accustom to watching it, even if it is NOT an addiction and just once a month, the chances of him breaking away from it and never watching it again are very slim.

I completely understand how it makes women uncomfortable because their man is getting sexual pleasure (not just thoughts) but actually jacking off and lusting over the image or video of another woman’s naked body. How could that NOT affect your relationship and the confidence that you have in that relationship?

And what I believe hurts women the most is that although people brush it off as something biological, fact is, many woman (unlike men) see sex and love as one in the same. What turns us on and puts us in the mood is feeling special and really loved. Woman consider sex and pleasure as a sign of love and a healthy relationship,

Therefore, when a guy is stepping outside of your intimate box to get sexual pleasure else were, regardless of how “biological” the act is, it really damages relationships. FYI for wise boyfriends, if you're that horney, you've got a g/f. You can do her until you're blue in the face. And for girlfriends, enough with accepting all the pathetic excuses. It boils down to loyalty and how much he wants to have you and ALLLL of you. If it affects that relationship and damages the trust, and the guy does not want to let loose, please if its not going to stop bothering you, let him go. Living with that baggage is not worth it and you deserve a guy who is saving all his ooOooOOh’s for you. ;-)

Quote:

Originally Posted by zZzatl

People who are NOT in a relationship can do w/e they want but once they're in a relationship, I would think the need or habit of watching porn is less or stops because they're with a REAL person now. And the need to be glued to the screen, reenacting their nerdy college days when they couldn't even touch a girl, are behind them.

What I find most insulting is the need to get sexual pleasure outside of the relationship and the very CHEEP excuse that is often used to permit theyre behavior. Like, “He just a guy. That's what they do. What do you expect?” As if guys were some idiotic robots who can't help but search for porn websites.

The saddest thing is that many guys who say they have stopped, have NOT stopped! And if youre man has become accustom to watching it, even if it is NOT an addiction and just once a month, the chances of him breaking away from it and never watching it again are very slim.

I completely understand how it makes women uncomfortable because their man is getting sexual pleasure (not just thoughts) but actually jacking off and lusting over the image or video of another woman's naked body. How could that NOT affect your relationship and the confidence that you have in that relationship?

And what i believe hurts women the most is that although people brush it off as something biological, fact is, many woman (unlike men) see sex and love as one in the same. What turns us on and puts us in the mood is feeling special and really loved. Woman consider sex and pleasure as a sign of love and a healthy relationship,

Therefore, when a guy is stepping outside of your intimate box to get sexual pleasure else were, regardless of how “biological” the act is, it really damages relationships. FYI for wise boyfriends, if youre that horney, youve got a g/f. You can do her until youre blue in the face. And for girlfriends, enough with accepting all the pathetic excuses. It boils down to loyalty and how much he wants to have you and ALLLL of you. If it affects that relationship and damages the trust, and the guy does not want to let loose, please if its not going to stop bothering you, let him go. living with that baggage is not worth it and you deserve a guy who is saving all his ooOooOOh's for you. ;-)

You are another poerson who rather than face their own problems preffers to blame others. YOu have NO right to demand HE stop something he has a right to because you refuse to deal with your own personal problems.

Your lack of self esteme is YOUR problem to deal with.. its not someone else's fault.

YOu clearly aren't very old and clearly haven't had many real relationships in your life or you would have learned this lesson before now.

THe day YOU have the right to start making demands... then HE has the right to start making demands of you that you also would be required to follow according to your own logic... even if they are things you might not personally like or want to do... because you don't have any rights HE doesn't have also.

Its attitudes like yours that dooms many relationships... and I and many other men have walked away from women with mindsets like that and our lives have been much better as a result. I've dated a few women like you... I've never been happier that I left them.

In fact my wife would tell you how wrong you are too. She is among the majority of women that sees the problems with your norrow minded perspective.

There is a basic rule of life you need to learn... your rights end where the rights of another person begins. And once you get past your late teens or early 20's... you will learn that this cuts both directions... and many, many times you are going to be on the other end of someone trying to impose their will on you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zZzatl

People who are NOT in a relationship can do w/e they want but once they’re in a relationship, I would think the need or habit of watching porn is less or stops because they’re with a REAL person now. And the need to be glued to the screen, reenacting their nerdy college days when they couldn’t even touch a girl, are behind them.

What I find most insulting is the need to get sexual pleasure outside of the relationship and the very CHEEP excuse that is often used to permit theyre behavior. Like, “He just a guy. That’s what they do. What do you expect?” As if guys were some idiotic robots who can't help but search for porn websites.

The saddest thing is that many guys who say they have stopped, have NOT stopped! And if youre man has become accustom to watching it, even if it is NOT an addiction and just once a month, the chances of him breaking away from it and never watching it again are very slim.

I completely understand how it makes women uncomfortable because their man is getting sexual pleasure (not just thoughts) but actually jacking off and lusting over the image or video of another woman’s naked body. How could that NOT affect your relationship and the confidence that you have in that relationship?

And what i believe hurts women the most is that although people brush it off as something biological, fact is, many woman (unlike men) see sex and love as one in the same. What turns us on and puts us in the mood is feeling special and really loved. Woman consider sex and pleasure as a sign of love and a healthy relationship,

Therefore, when a guy is stepping outside of your intimate box to get sexual pleasure else were, regardless of how “biological” the act is, it really damages relationships. FYI for wise boyfriends, if youre that horney, youve got a g/f. You can do her until youre blue in the face. And for girlfriends, enough with accepting all the pathetic excuses. It boils down to loyalty and how much he wants to have you and ALLLL of you. If it affects that relationship and damages the trust, and the guy does not want to let loose, please if its not going to stop bothering you, let him go. living with that baggage is not worth it and you deserve a guy who is saving all his ooOooOOh’s for you. ;-)

*Yawn*