Ask Me Help Desk - How do I know if he really loves me

well me and my bf just started going out and a lot of people have told me hes known for cheating and useing his ex gf and i dont want that to happen to me. how do i know if he actually loves me and isnt just useing me for stuff or cheating is there someway i can tell if so please tell me i really need help with this:confused: :( :confused:

Well you have to be careful. You have to make sure his words always back up his actions. You know that old phrase, "actions speak louder than words" while they do. Watch his actions and listen to his words and make sure there consistent.

I'd also ask him, without saying where you heard it from, why he has that reputation.

I think we need to flip the coin over and see this from him point of view. He may not have done anything wrong and you may have people who are friends with his ex or liked him and he turned them down so they might want to get back at him. I've had something similar happen to me before. I'll tell you that I stood my ground and told the truth concerning the issue and also told my would be girlfriend that if she hears anything else please at least give me the chance to tell my side. I think he should have his side heard as well.

Then take what he says and his actions compare it to what your friends are saying and what motives they might have or not have and draw a LOGICAL not emotional conclusion

Quote:

Originally Posted by xbitterlovex

a lot of people have told me hes known for cheating and useing his ex gf :confused: :( :confused:

If a lot of people are saying this, then it is most likely true.. id be extra careful about this one. Don't leave yourself too exposed, and be on the look out for tell tale signs of cheating.. like what chuff said, look for inconsistensies. Having said all that, its still good to give him a second chance. After all, people do change. You might just be the one who changed him. Good luck.

If you're not going to get over this, and it's making you insecure, you're just wasting both of your time, and you're setting yourself up to let him do the same thing to you. What you need to decide is weather or not it's true, and you can ask him and be the judge of his answer, and if that doesn't sell you, then you're wasting your time. You're never going to know for sure until you find out for yourself. If you're going to spend the entire relationship paranoid of what he might do, you're a fool for being in it.

Going slow and paying attention will give you answers in any relationship. Don't put your heart in someone else's hands that you don't know well enough to trust, and they can't squeeze it and cause you great pain. Recognise what's real and what's bull, by actions as well as words. Always look out for number one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cgracilis

if a lot of people are saying this, then it is most likely true..

At one time a lot of people said Michael Jordon couldn't play basketball.

A lot of people said Richard Jewel left a bomb during the Olympics.

A lot of people said O.J. Simpson didn't murder two people.

A lot of people say man didn't walk on the moon.

A lot of people say George Bush was responsible for 9/11.

What a lot of people say doesn't mean a thing. It's the actions and motives of the person saying it that means something. I agree she should be careful and I wouldn't give him my trust but just because one or several people start a unfounded rumor about someone does not make it true. To just believe something like that without even giving him an opportunity to address is both wrong to him and potentially robbing her of a great guy.

A few years ago I dated a woman named Kathy for a short time. Then about two years later I went out with a girl named Ann she went to law school with. Ann never heard a good thing about me from Kathy who I only dated for a couple of months. Ann would tell me all the time what Kathy would say and I was always baffled and amuzed because she's the one the broke it off and I wasn't really into her so there was no emotional attachment. Yet I was being compared to all the evils of the world. Of Course later all I heard from Kathy was how she ENCOURAGED my ex to see me and said only said nice things about me because we were so perfect together, blah blah blah. I think she was jealous possibly mad, I don't know, I didn't care so I never really pressed her on it. My point is you never believe what the masses are saying. You find out for yourself and judge the persons words by there actions.

Hope your love isn't really bitter or you'll defeat the purpose of getting into a relationship. First ask yourself, what attracted you to this guy in the first place? His looks? His personality? His sense of humor? His kindness and generosity? His reputation? What?

2nd, go very slow. Don't do anything that you would regret later. Have you ever fallen for a guy so fast, that you jumped the gun and got intimate with him really fast and then found out that he was a loser, cheater, liar or all of the above? Didn't you regret being with him so quickly? So, to avoid that, take it slow, think things through and talk a lot. Your instincts, if you really listen to him, should give you a pretty good feel whether this guy is on the up and up.