Mom regarding 21 year old daughter
I have an only child, a beautiful, sweet-spirited, kind, considerate and very loving daughter who will soon be 21 years old. She hates confrontations, so much to the point that she will avoid them until the situation snowballs and plows her over. My daughter commutes to a university and lives at home... that is most of time. She is engaged and stays overnight with her boyfriend on the weekends against her parent's wishes. She works part time even though we pay the majority of her bills, i.e. car payment, college tuition and books, insurance, mobile phone. We expected her to pay for her gas, clothes, haircuts, etc. yet she nows takes a good portion of her part-time monies and pays 1/2 of her boyfriend's house payment instead because he doesn't make that much money. In other words, I feel like we keep her up so she can keep him up. We made the mistake of letting him stay in a separate bedroom at our house initially for 2 days a week that lead to every day of the week that lead to 10 months until I finally said no more, then he moved into my sister's house even though he had bought a house 6 months earlier that was perfectly fine to live in. He seems to be a nice person for the most part, although he is easily frustrated and appears to be unmotivated. He is very close minded and prejudiced against persons different from him. He holds grudges and does not easily forgive and hasn't spoken to his mother in approx. 5 years, although the mother has reached out to him several times. "In my heart of hearts", I just don't feel like this person is right for her but she disagrees and is engaged to him, although she has agreed to hold off on a wedding since he can not afford to carry health insurance on her. She insists that she doesn't live with him because weekends don't count, and she constantly compares how much more respectful she is than most other girls her age who have boyfriends live with them at college. I'm inclined to tell her that she can park her car every weekend at our home if she insists on living with him every weekend because I don't want to fund transportation for that. The boyfriend finally moved into his house after his father found out that he was not living there and shamed him for it. My daughter knows that I have concerns about their relationship which causes conflict and disharmony between us. My daughter and I have been extremely close but now when she breaks down and tells me things during normal conversation about his deficiencies, or how she wishes he would be this or that, I get frustrated and tell her what I think. In the past, he has called her some ugly names when he had too much to drink which were entirely disrespectful and I would consider verbal abuse but she said he was sorry and didn't mean to. However, he has exhibited this behavior approx. 4 times within a two year relationship. I feel like my sister is compromising me as her mother, because she sides with my daughter. So much more, but I will stop.
