I have an only child, a beautiful, sweet-spirited, kind, considerate and very loving daughter who will soon be 21 years old. She hates confrontations, so much to the point that she will avoid them until the situation snowballs and plows her over. My daughter commutes to a university and lives at home... that is most of time. She is engaged and stays overnight with her boyfriend on the weekends against her parent's wishes. She works part time even though we pay the majority of her bills, i.e. car payment, college tuition and books, insurance, mobile phone. We expected her to pay for her gas, clothes, haircuts, etc. yet she nows takes a good portion of her part-time monies and pays 1/2 of her boyfriend's house payment instead because he doesn't make that much money. In other words, I feel like we keep her up so she can keep him up. We made the mistake of letting him stay in a separate bedroom at our house initially for 2 days a week that lead to every day of the week that lead to 10 months until I finally said no more, then he moved into my sister's house even though he had bought a house 6 months earlier that was perfectly fine to live in. He seems to be a nice person for the most part, although he is easily frustrated and appears to be unmotivated. He is very close minded and prejudiced against persons different from him. He holds grudges and does not easily forgive and hasn't spoken to his mother in approx. 5 years, although the mother has reached out to him several times. "In my heart of hearts", I just don't feel like this person is right for her but she disagrees and is engaged to him, although she has agreed to hold off on a wedding since he can not afford to carry health insurance on her. She insists that she doesn't live with him because weekends don't count, and she constantly compares how much more respectful she is than most other girls her age who have boyfriends live with them at college. I'm inclined to tell her that she can park her car every weekend at our home if she insists on living with him every weekend because I don't want to fund transportation for that. The boyfriend finally moved into his house after his father found out that he was not living there and shamed him for it. My daughter knows that I have concerns about their relationship which causes conflict and disharmony between us. My daughter and I have been extremely close but now when she breaks down and tells me things during normal conversation about his deficiencies, or how she wishes he would be this or that, I get frustrated and tell her what I think. In the past, he has called her some ugly names when he had too much to drink which were entirely disrespectful and I would consider verbal abuse but she said he was sorry and didn't mean to. However, he has exhibited this behavior approx. 4 times within a two year relationship. I feel like my sister is compromising me as her mother, because she sides with my daughter. So much more, but I will stop.

Your daughter will have to make her own mistakes in life, just like you had to. Hopefully, you will be there to cushion her falls, as I know you will. You seem like a really great mom and a good person as well. I'll bet your daughter takes after you in more ways than you know.

I am around the same age as your daughter and have also had a boyfriend before that my dad hated to the point where he wanted to beat him up but he never did!! the ex boyfriend was not a nice person and use to call me horrible names and sometimes worse!!! my friends and family knew what he was like and i knew myself that he was a PRICK but i was so in love it made me blind and I ignored my friends and families advice even though I knew they were right!! when ever we had an argument my friends and family were there as a shoulder 4 me 2 cry on and i felt so guiltly going back to him everytime!! in the end I had to finish it, the relationship became ridiculous and he was jus so evil! i went to live in spain for a few months to get away from him!! but i was sooo grateful when my friends and family were still there for me at the end, aspecially my dad because I know it was hard for him to watch his daughter get so upset! u do sound like a great mum and ur daughter sounds great too. love does make u blind unfortunatly, its better to learn from ur own mistakes!! iim sure ur daughter appreitiates u very much and knowing ur'l be ther 4 her no matter what is great and what she needs!!! i hope everything works out great for all of you!!! :)