Breakups, Games, No Contact
This is a rant. I will not assess it as anything short of a total and complete rant. Don't like what I have to say? Stop here.
Breakups:
I hear a lot of people trying to excuse their breakup from everyone else's breakup because somehow theirs is different. Here's the deal with breakups. There is only one, single solitary fact involved in a break up. - At least one person does not want to be in this relationship. - That's it. There's no other facts that are consistent with breakups. There's plenty of patterns, and plenty of explanations, but at the end of the day, that's the only fact that is constant amongst them all. So anybody involved in a breakup would be wise to assess this single fact as the golden rule of breakups, and nothing else is a fact.
Games:
I see a lot of people that, in my mind, are living in a fantasy land, that seem to think that playing games will get you nowhere. That's the furthest thing from true. Life is a game, and you'd be wise to learn how to play it well. There's winners, and there's losers and then there's those who refuse to play. The only thing in life that isn't a game, is a relationship, while you're in it. Even then, there's still a minimal amount of game playing. Playing games CAN get you what you want. Everybody is hard wired to play games. I'm a man, so I'm going to use women as my example. Take your average woman. I'd say the average woman thinks brad pitt is the hottest guy ever. If not, substitute your dream boat of choice. So say brad pitt comes up to a girl and says "I'm going to have sex with you tonight". What's she going to say? NOOOOOOOO. What's the girl that wants it going to say? NOOOOO. (Not so many o's) Why? Because there's something about self respect or self esteem or dignaty going around. Let's say Brad Pitt then shows up at a party and presents himself as disinterested and unavailable. What happens? EVERY SINGLE GIRL THERE WANTS HIM HARDCORE AND WILL CHASE HIM DOWN TO GET HIM. That's how the world works. Now, if brad pitt knew all of this and chose to pretend to be unavailable to get what he wanted, what just happened? HE PLAYED A GAME AND WON! Now all those girls that turned brad pitt down got to say oh well he's a jerk anway. Really? Did you get what you wanted? Was what you wanted to know brad pitt was a jerk? Or was it hot wet jungle sex monkey style with brad pitt? Sounds to me like you may not have come out ahead on that one. Playing games isn't always a bad thing. As people mature, the need to play games gets smaller and smaller, but for the time being, most of the people in this age bracket need to play games to figure out how to win, and what losing really feels like. You can also choose to not play games, but in reality, there's a finite amount of people in the world who are going to accept you exactly for the way you are. Realistically speaking, that girl is probobly in taiwan and working in a sweat shop or something. In the mean time, wouldn't you rather find a girl that you'd love being with, but you got to do a little bit of work to get there?
No contact
No contact is the advice readily disposed here, and people tend to misunderstand it's meaning. No contact is not a tool. It's not a weapon. It's not a device. It's like sobriety. People tend to think no contact is going to bring your ex back. It's not going to. Nothing in the world but her feelings or your actions will bring her back. Don't get your hopes up, by your actions I generally mean your ability to solve the problem within yourself, that you, yourself caused, that ended this relationship. No contact is like sobriety. Ask an alcoholic why he drinks, and you'll get the same answer that most peopl will give when you ask them why they call their ex. It makes me feel better. Sure it'll be along winded reason, but the bottom line is calling makes you feel better. Just like drinking makes an alcoholic feel better. Do you really think an alcoholic believes that drinking is good for his health? In fact, does an alcoholic really believe there's any good tangible benefits from drinking? Probobly not. It makes them feel better.
Practicing no contact because somebody told you to isn't the right answer. If you think and more importantly believe it's in your best interest, it works. If you don't think it works, you need to do what's going to make you feel better. In the end, it's all about what makes you satisfied with the situation, not what's in your best interest. Productivity is the key. If no contact is going to leave you obsessing over your ex in 6 months, is that productive? No, it's not. If calling her 49242323434635 times is going to make you realize why it doesn't work, is that productive? Yes, yes it is. IF you never pick up an alcoholic beverage in your life, you'd be better for it. Does that mean it's right for you? No. It means that there's the right answer, the wrong answer, and the gray spot. Talking to your ex isn't the wrong answer, it's the gray spot.
I hear up down and sideways that calling your ex and pleading never works out, and people that leave you never come back and stuff like that. But I can cite plenty of cases that it does work. My parents being one of them. My dad left my mom for 6 or 8 months to see another girl. After this, they got back together and have been married ever since. Was my mom stupid for taking my dad back? Probobly. Is she happy? I can attest, after 36 years of marriage, she is.
Life is what you make it. Don't let other people make it for you. But don't be surprised if most of the other people are right.
