3 months ago I broke up with my ex of 3 years. It started great and I quickly fell in love with him. Eventually he told me he wasn't sure if he loved me because I was his first relationship so he had no one else to compare it to. On top of that we had a lot of other fights and arguments until eventually I lost the energy to keep everything together. He was devastated and I know I broke his heart and I feel horrible. On top of that I didn't feel any pain or emotion for the break up. I felt bad about it but I thought maybe that meant I was completely over him already.

A month later my current boyfriend drove across the state to ask me on a date so I decided to give him a chance. I don't think it could have gone better we hit it off immediately and everything is perfect. He's everything I could want in a guy. We've been dating for two months now and suddenly I'm starting to think about my ex and all the good times we had.

I keep having nightmares about the night we broke up and I end up crying at night. Now I don't know what to do my current boyfriend lives in another city and I'm supposed to move in with him when I transfer to the same University next fall. I'm already accepted and preparing for the change but at the same time I can't stop thinking about my ex. We haven't spoken since the only time we've spoken since the break up was when he text me to yell at me for starting a new relationship... which was well deserved but now as time goes on I'm beginning to miss him even though I'm really happy in my current relationship.

I don't usually broadcast my life on these things but I'm 20 years old and still fairly new to love and have no where else to turn. Any advice?

You have made a commitment, and a HUGE one to a fellow after a few months while still trying to heal from a recent break up of a long term failed relationship.

Classic rebound, and denial. You are not as ready as you think for a new relationship, and better slow down before you regret moving so fast, and not giving yourself a chance to fully recover from past feelings. Take time to resolve them before you jump from one guy to another. He is not your solution to happiness, nor your emotional tampon to keep from dealing with your pain, or disappointment, or a crying towel for still hurt feelings of loss.

He is a stranger, whom you have latched on to, that you barely know, but love the distraction from doing the right thing for yourself. ALL relationships start great, but fizzle when the newness, and fun is replaced with reality, and challenge.

Too much, too fast, CRASH, AND BURN! That's the way it is when you are not healed from the last person, and jump quickly into another person.

You better slow down, and think, before you ACT! TWO months?? Are you serious, or just hurt still, looking for a quick feel good?

You are in a relationship, give it the respect it deserves and work on it. It might take some time to get over your ex, that is normal, we all go through movies in our head about exes, but that is all they are, just memories. Focus on what you are trying to build, not on something that already tumbled down.

Of your previous relationship you mentioned that you didn't have the energy to keep things together any more and the ending was messy. So presumably you felt quite drained, so when you broke up you probably felt an overriding sense of relief which may explain why you didn't feel upset. But 3 years is a long time, and if you cared about him then a sense of loss is bound to surface at some point. That's why it is tough to start a relationship so soon after one has finished. When you meet the right guy you want to give it your best shot and ensure you are in the right state of mind to build a new relationship.

It does appear as though things have moved on somewhat quickly. It is certainly natural to feel these feelings about your ex, particularly as you indicate the ending was messy.

It is very hard to give you advice given the limited information on your relaitonships: its your world. It is possible that you need some closure on you past relationship, but that can be difficult when you are with someone else. If you choose to jump from one relationship to another then you are going to have to deal with difficulties. It may not be what your new partner wants to hear but if it continues to give you difficulties then you will probably need to address this with him as this may well undermine your current relationship (of course we don't know what relationship you have with this guy). Presumably since he doesn't live near you, you haven't spent much time together in the 2 months. You will have much to learn about each other and (in general) given how you have described events - both the grieving process from for the previous relationship and the commitment to the new one has happened too quickly.

No one can tell what to do with any degree of certainty - one way or another your emotions are likely to toss you around for a little while until things become clearer. Your relationship did end independently of the new guy, and for reasons that will not have been resolved in the three months you have been apart.

Good luck

You moved onto a new boyfriend , at least a serious one too fast. You should not be trying to go back to any old one, but need to see if you want to keep the current one also, or at least back off some and know what you want

You might consider contacting him, perhaps writing to him, in order to obtain some closure. Perhaps explain, if this is how you feel, that you are sorry for the sorry way things ended, and have been affected by it, you had some great times, but in the end you were not making each other happy and you feel it was right for things to draw to a close. You probably moved on too quickly, and you realise it was hurtful and perhaps disrespectful to him (if that's how you feel) to do so, but that said that, though its early days, you are currently very happy in your relationship. In this way you are giving him and the relationship you had some respect but also making it clear that you pursue the relationship you are in (if that's how you feel). A big part of him, will I am sure, be thinking you do not care or are not bothered by what happened, it will comfort him to know this but equally you (presumably) do not wish to encourage him either. Only you know whether this feels an appropriate course of action given your circumstances; others will recommend handling it differently.

I hope things work out well. Good luck.

Am living almost same situation I had 6 years relationship with this amazin guy,and yes he is great but not good enough or marriage material,and he isn't mature enough,I broke up with him cause I couldn't take it any more,I was trying too hard to push things to work when they weren't from long time ago,but as am stubborn I couldn't admit it before.and after a month or less a close friend of mine that I knew has very strong feelings toward me came up and asked me to start something serious with him,and in less than a month of my break up,I fell in love with him,and can't be any happier,but I can't stop thinking of my ex and how bad I must hurted him,despite fighting hard,he sees it as if I sold him out for this new guy,and you know.. but I tell you for sure(DONT CALL OR SMS HIM WHAT EVER HAPPENS) you owe him that much to let him move on and to yourself,let yourself move on,am still moving on,and it can't be any harder,I miss him and he is my first love and am getting engage soon... its all messd up but for sure don't contact him