I am not close at all to one of my brothers, Al and especially his wife, Candy. Candy either hates me or is indifferent to me, and I do not know why. Anyway, they live far away and we see them once a year. I gave up talking to Candy so I ignore her. My brother is very self-centered and did not help with a big family problem when I needed him. My daughter Steph is getting married, and she has picked up how I feel about Al and Candy and she does not want to invite them to her wedding. They don't have a relationship with Steph, either. Since there are 4 aunts and uncles,( my other siblings) I tell her she cannot exclude her one uncle like that. My mom would go crazy if her son/daughter-in-law was not invited to Steph's wedding, and it would create a big mess and rift in the family. Steph says she can invite who she wants, and she does not want to invite my brother and his wife. I say you can't exclude one uncle, even though you don't like him. What do I do?

It's your daughters wedding... it is for her, as an adult, to make that decision. It is for you, as her Mom, to support whatever decision she makes. Planning and executing a wedding is stressful enough without worrying about pleasing everyone.

It's best in a family to include everyone. Of course you don't expect them to attend or send a gift, but to keep peace in the greater scheme of things send an invitation.

Your daughter is an adult, and she will have to live with the choices she makes. She choses to cause an estrangement in the family (or a further estrangement), she has to live with it.

It's not your problem - other than your daughter "picking up" on your feelings, expressed or otherwise.

It is her wedding not yours, and honestly none of your business ( unless you are paying for it all) You let her invite or not invite who she wants. If she does not like them, why should she invite them. I doubt I would in her case either.

So what should you do ?

Tell daughter you are sorry for butting into her business and that she does not have to invite them if she does not want to.

These things are reasons mother and fathers can start causing trouble early in the marriage, but forgetting they are not little kids and can make their own choices.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Your daughter is an adult, and she will have to live with the choices she makes. She choses to cause an estrangement in the family (or a further estrangement), she has to live with it.

It's not your problem - other than your daughter "picking up" on your feelings, expressed or otherwise.

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I agree with this. I personally see no reason to invite them but its her choice to live with. It sounds like it could cause trouble not to invite them but if you do, the ball is in their court. They may or may not attend... its up to her to figure out which would be the best route to take.

Its her wedding, and her life, no matter how you have raised her. Let her live it, but it's a shame you have biased her so much, or maybe she feels the same, or seen the same. For whatever the reason, back off MOM!