Hi everybody, first of all thank you for taking the time of reading my story and maybe answering it... my boyfriend broke up a week ago and I’m pretty devastated and don’t know what’s the best to do because I want him back. One sleepless night I opened an account on a dating site where I met him, coincidentally it was his birthday (34). At this time he was stationed in Afghanistan, and he’s a marine. He called me his bday-gift and stayed up for hours every day to talk to me since he worked at night, I have sent him a care packages, and he has sent me stuff of his and a flag which was flown for him over a combat zone which was so sweet.

On December he got back home, we sent Xmas gifts, and it was his idea to meet in person on my birthday, 14th February (28) first time in person, since we met on his birthday. He picked me up at the airport and from the first second it felt like we knew like forever, it was crazy, he got divorced a year ago and I was the first girl he introduced to his kids (6,9 )and they loved me right away, we went out with his friends and their wives, he took me to his work and shown me all the places I wanted to see, and after two weeks he flew over with me to Germany to meet my family and kids, and we all had a great time.

The last weeks I felt insecure, and we had arguments because he don’t want to remarry which is the only chance to live together so I felt insulted and stuff, and one day I was lying I would date someone, and want to break just to see his reaction, (that was the dumbest thing I ever did) and he was really hurt, after two days I told him that nobody is greater than him and how much I love him and everything was OK.

His ex is a witch and takes him to the court all the time, complains he would go to Germany but not care for the kids, tried to mess up and talk about me to his mom and sisters, but they are nice to me (know them over Facebook) he told me many times I treat him better than anybody else ever did and how great I’m and how great our sex is and stuff, but one day I asked him that I wished he could be sweeter to me because the last weeks I felt like there was lack of interest in me and I felt just good for sexual stuff, and then he ignored me for a week before I asked what was going on and then he replied we should split, it’s unfair to me when he doesn’t want to remarry but I will wait for him, that I deserve better, his ex causes problems in the future and he can’t give me what I deserve, he still loves me and wants the best for me, and he knows he will regret this later.

I answered that it hurts but I respect his decision and I will send him his (original) dog tags back, but he said he wants me to have them. That was the last thing we talked ever since. On Facebook he did not changed his relationship status yet, (he’s not often on there and barely types something on fb, so if he spy on me I don’t know) neither he deleted me, what his ex, nor family would see right away (so on fb we are still together?)

I want him back, I was never so happy in my life before and I love him so much, and I would do anything to win him back. Since the split I don’t post pics or any info’s about me, nothing, I basically disappeared. I don’t know, I am German, he’s American, marine, and I don’t know how to deal with American (military) guys lol. I only know that I love him like crazy. Does anyone has an advice for a crazy German girl how to win her superhero back?? God bless you all.

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Originally Posted by duckiesgirl

one day i asked him that i wished he could be sweeter to me because the last weeks i felt like there was lack of interest in me and i felt just good for sexual stuff,and then he ignored me for a week before i asked what was going on and then he replied we should split,its unfair to me when he doesnt want to remarry but i will wait for him,that i deserve better,his ex causes problems in the future and he can't give me what i deserve,he still loves me and wants the best for me,and he knows he will regret this later..

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To me it sounds like you hurt him. Men show their emotions differently than women and from what you described it sounds like when you asked him to be sweeter to you, you crushed him. To you, it doesn't sound like a crazy demand or like something that was a huge deal, but if he already thought he was doing a good job and making you happy and being sweet, it could make him feel like he isn't good enough. He could feel like you need more than he can give and even though he wants to be with you, he doesn't see the point if he thinks you will be trying to make him into someone he isn't and do things he thought he was already doing.
I could be way off and it could be something completely different, but from my experience guys have a lot more emotion than they care to admit, and some of it they don't even realize they go through. He might of made this decision without realizing it and not know how to explain it to you. I hope this helps somehow... good luck and I hope it works out for the best!

You had fun while it lasted but for whatever reason, this dating experience has ended, and all you have are memories, and dog tags. Let him deal with his life, as marriage with you is out at this time, and casual is all he wants right now.

He knows you want more, but also knows its way to soon for him. Heck he is still dealing with the first wife, what does he need with a second one so soon?

Thank you all for the Answers,I realize now how dumb I have been.his ex treated him not nice and were cheating and now she's one day good,texting and posting pics of the kids on his fb and the other day she takes him to court,so I wanted to show him how much I care and love him,but I realize now That I pressurized him only and I am so sorry.he haven't updatet

Thank you so much for your help guys.. I realize now how stupid I have been.his ex were cheating on him,and did not treat him fair and these days she texts and posts pics of the kids

Thank you for the answer,it really opened my eyes.. I too think now that I might have hurt him but I was too dumb to see that... do you have an advise for me how I could win him back?you know his ex treated him unfair when they were together and were cheating,and these days she texts,and posts pics of the kids on fb and the other day she takes him to the court or tells him what a horrible dad he is and stuff,and I hate her playing with him so mean,I got the feeling she pretty much owns him,because he does what she wants since he is worried to lose his kids you know.. so I wanted to show him how great he is and how much I care and that I only want him and things but I didn't realize that I was maybe pushy and pressurized him and I am sorry for that.. he didn't update his status on Facebook,did not deleted me yet and my fear everyday is if he would delete me or update as single or whatever.. do you know what to do?do you think there is a chance?thank you so much..

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Originally Posted by bend1384

To me it sounds like you hurt him. Men show their emotions differently than women and from what you described it sounds like when you asked him to be sweeter to you, you crushed him. To you, it doesn't sound like a crazy demand or like something that was a huge deal, but if he already thought he was doing a good job and making you happy and being sweet, it could make him feel like he isn't good enough. He could feel like you need more than he can give and even though he wants to be with you, he doesn't see the point if he thinks you will be trying to make him into someone he isn't and do things he thought he was already doing.
I could be way off and it could be something completely different, but from my experience guys have a lot more emotion than they care to admit, and some of it they don't even realize they go through. He might of made this decision without realizing it and not know how to explain it to you. I hope this helps somehow... good luck and I hope it works out for the best!

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You had fun while it lasted but for whatever reason, this dating experience has ended, and all you have are memories, and dog tags. Let him deal with his life, as marriage with you is out at this time, and casual is all he wants right now.

He knows you want more, but also knows its way to soon for him. heck he is still dealing with the first wife, what does he need with a second one so soon?

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Yeah you're right.it wasn't my intension to make him feel bad or pushed or whatever you know,but I really love and care for him so all I hope is that he would come back to me,is there a chance?what you say?thank you very much..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by duckiesgirl

Hi everybody, first of all thank you for taking the time of reading my story and maybe answering it...my boyfriend broke up a week ago and I’m pretty devastated and don’t know what’s the best to do because I want him back. One sleepless night I opened an account on a dating site where I met him, coincidentally it was his bday (34). At this time he was stationed in Afghanistan, and he’s a marine. He called me his bday-gift and stayed up for hours every day to talk to me since he worked at night, I have sent him a care packages, and he has sent me stuff of his and a flag which was flown for him over a combat zone which was so sweet.

On December he got back home, we sent Xmas gifts, and it was his idea to meet in person on my bday, 14th February (28) first time in person, since we met on his bday. He picked me up at the airport and from the first second it felt like we knew like forever, it was crazy, he got divorced a year ago and I was the first girl he introduced to his kids (6,9 )and they loved me right away, we went out with his friends and their wives, he took me to his work and shown me all the places I wanted to see, and after two weeks he flew over with me to Germany to meet my family and kids, and we all had a great time.

The last weeks I felt insecure, and we had arguments because he don’t want to remarry which is the only chance to live together so I felt insulted and stuff, and one day I was lying I would date someone, and want to break just to see his reaction, (that was the dumbest thing I ever did) and he was really hurt, after two days I told him that nobody is greater than him and how much I love him and everything was ok.

His ex is a witch and takes him to the court all the time, complains he would go to Germany but not care for the kids, tried to mess up and talk about me to his mom and sisters, but they are nice to me (know them over Facebook) he told me many times I treat him better than anybody else ever did and how great I’m and how great our sex is and stuff, but one day I asked him that I wished he could be sweeter to me because the last weeks I felt like there was lack of interest in me and I felt just good for sexual stuff, and then he ignored me for a week before I asked what was going on and then he replied we should split, it’s unfair to me when he doesn’t want to remarry but I will wait for him, that I deserve better, his ex causes problems in the future and he can’t give me what I deserve, he still loves me and wants the best for me, and he knows he will regret this later.

I answered that it hurts but I respect his decision and I will send him his (original) dog tags back, but he said he wants me to have them. That was the last thing we talked ever since. On Facebook he did not changed his relationship status yet, (he’s not often on there and barely types something on fb, so if he spy on me I don’t know) neither he deleted me, what his ex, nor family would see right away (so on fb we are still together?)

I want him back, I was never so happy in my life before and I love him so much, and I would do anything to win him back. Since the split I don’t post pics or any info’s about me, nothing, I basically disappeared. I don’t know, I am German, he’s American, marine, and I don’t know how to deal with American (military) guys lol. I only know that I love him like crazy. Does anyone has an advice for a crazy German girl how to win her superhero back??? God bless you all.

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Hello German Girl...
You have 2 options
First is to tell him all honestly and how much you want to have him back.
Second is to Just wait I don't say nothing at all, hoping that he is going to come back by himself.
Good luck.

Thank you for your answer.. well,my heart says to tell him how much I want him back,to fly to California to talk to him in person and show him how important he is and that I only want to make him happy,but my head says to give him time and space to figure out if he really don't want me or really want if he would come back..
Thank you for your advice and wishes.. hugs from a german mad girl..

Follow your head, its smarter, and the heart doesn't think well when its full of heart ache, or desire.

Certainly it would seem you hurt him and it may well be, given how you described his ex, that you triggered memories of unpleasant experiences her: of being tested. Equally though you must realise that there are issues within you and or the relationship that needed addressing if you felt the need to respond in that way (to suggesting a split). As you point out, that response was of course wrong, disproportionate, but was, in all likelihood, precipiated by something in the relationship which needed addressing. Certainly there is a communication problem if this the method through which your justified/unjustified concern is addressed. Repeatedly testing for someone's feelings is often damaging.

He feels he needs some space and has done so for a reason, respect that need, I would suggest, use the time yourself to try to understand yourself, your feelings for him and your relationship. I am no more qualified than you to give advice but I would suggest telling him how you feel and felt, but that you respect his need for space, would like to stay in contact, and still hope that things will work out between you both. If he feels for you as described then you are certainly not without hope: reading this, it is not one of those scenarios that seems obvious how it will turn out. How you treat him now will perhaps not only determine your chances of getting back but also how your relationship will be if you get back together.

In addition, though, if you do get back together it is important not to fall on your sword and ignore the concerns you had that initiated your over reaction - just because you are delighted to be back with him. It would not do either of you any favours, in my opinion, since problems have a tendency of recurring and it may be tougher to get back together the next time.

Good luck.