My husband and I have been together for 6 years. The sex hasn't been that great since we got married. We don't kiss, there's no romance and sex is very boring. I've mentioned a lot of things I would like to do and have showed him how I liked to be touched, kissed, etc numerous times. He just refuses to do them. I think he's only made love to me maybe 4-5 times in our whole marriage. He always wants to "jump on and off" so to speak, it's always the same positions (2 or 3) which are for his pleasure, not mine. I am big on kissing, he tries to do it but he jabs his tongue in my mouth and usually come at me with funky breath. I've mentioned it several times but he just gets mad and keeps repeating that he brushed his teeth.

There is no intimacy afterward, he immediately rolls over and goes to sleep. We have sex maybe once or twice a month, Maybe. I don't think we've had sex at all this month and I'm fed up. Ideally I would love to have sex everyday or at least several times a week. Basically he just wants to "get it over with" he doesn't want to deal with foreplay or working up to it and then once we start he races through to get his.

HELP please before I go to looking for someone else to do what he won't.

I have to ask, if the sex is so bad then why are you so desperate to get him in the sack?

Second question, have you ever talked to him in a non confrontational tone, or has it always been things like "I don't like this, I want you to do this, your breath stinks, you suck at this"?

Third question. What's more important, your marriage, or sex? If you're actually thinking about going to someone else for sex, then I have to wonder if this marriage is working on any level, and if sex is really the only issue.

1. My people enjoy sex and I'm pretty sure that the general population expects to enjoy it within a marriage.

2. Yes we have talked multiple times, he says he'll do better and he will for the next session but then he reverts.

3. Obviously if it were all about sex we wouldn't be married, outside of sex he's a great man.

Hmm is there no edit button?

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Originally Posted by nadia217

1. My people enjoy sex and I'm pretty sure that the general population expects to enjoy it within a marriage.

2. Yes we have talked multiple times, he says he'll do better and he will for the next session but then he reverts.

3. Obviously if it were all about sex we wouldn't be married, outside of sex he's a great man.

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You really didn't answer the questions I asked. Perhaps you could read them again and reply?

I do agree that sex is important in a marriage. I asked why you would want to have sex with a many you yourself said is horrible in the bedroom.

I didn't ask if you had mentioned to him how you feel. I asked how you mentioned it, if you spoke to him the way you posted in your original question. Were you confrontational, like you seemed to be in your original post? For example, did you say "Your breath stinks, ew, go brush your teeth", or "Honey, I love kissing you, but do you think you could brush your teeth, I love the taste of a freshly washed mouth"? See the difference.

Lastly, if your marriage is okay, other than sex, and he's a great man, then why did you suggest that if he doesn't get better at this and give you what you want, when you want it, you'll have to find someone else that will?

I've been married for almost 17 years. We've had our ups and downs sex wise, but I can tell you, no matter how bad it got, for either one of us, neither of us every even considered cheating just to feel sexually satisfied. We did what married couples do. We discussed it. But there's a huge difference between discussion, accusation, and humiliation. Only one gets results, the other makes your partner even more reluctant to give you what you want.

You may read this and be upset, but you asked for advice, and I call them like I see them. You don't have to agree with me, but I'm basing my advice on what you've written, so I'm hoping that instead of getting angry, you'll read what I wrote and see if anything I've said pertains to you. I urge you to be honest with yourself, especially if you actually want to fix this.

Question about the breath thing.

It sounds weird, but have you watched him brush? Or asked (nicely) how he does it? Does he floss, brush his tongue, etc? If so and his breath is still bad, it could be medical.

I am in a similar situation. I manage with sublimation.

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Originally Posted by Matty54

I am in a similar situation. I manage with sublimation.

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By turning directly from a solid to a gas? How does that work?

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Originally Posted by CravenMorhead

By turning directly from a solid to a gas? How does that work?

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Psychological sublimation, to wit Wikipedia -- Sublimation (psychology).

Ah. All the biology and chemistry from university. Always wanted to but never took psychology.

Women say men need to do date night and candles all that jazz. But us women don't realize that they need to feel that they are loved and needed also. So clean up the house make the bedroom look sexy/ romantic before he gets home from work take him to dinner come home take a nice shower together give a back rub and then bring in the new things that you want to try.( don't forget to wear that outfit that drives him crazy.)

I find it hard to believe this behavior started AFTER the wedding, and not from the beginning of the relationship.