Ask Me Help Desk - Love trouble

Love trouble

Here's the situation... Some time ago I met this girl. We started talking all the time, and after about a month or so I told her how I feel about her. She said she didn't want to get involved in anything at the moment so I had to let her decide whatever she wants. To wrap this up, she had just told me that we can be good friends, but that's not what I want. I can't stand looking at her every day knowing she will never be mine. I love her, and I don't know what to do. Should I try to forget her, or be her friend even though that's going to kill me inside. Please help me. :(

First you can not "love" someone you have never really dated and got emotionally involved with. You may have lust after her or have extreme desire for more. You will never be happy in a relationship where you will want more and it is not what she wants. End the pain and forget her.

That's the thing... We did have something... More than a friendship but not really a relationship in the true meaning of the word. And thank you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shoattle

Here's the situation... Some time ago I met this girl. We started talking all the time, and after about a month or so I told her how I feel about her. She said she didn't want to get involved in anything at the moment so I had to let her decide whatever she wants. To wrap this up, she had just told me that we can be good friends, but that's not what I want. I can't stand looking at her every day knowing she will never be mine. I love her, and I don't know what to do. Should I try to forget her, or be her friend even though that's going to kill me inside. Please help me. :(

You don't LOVE her... you are in LUST with her... you haven't known each other long enough for love to grow. And before you get upset, let me explain to you the feelings are very much alike, only lust fades with time and love grows over time.

What do you "forgive her" for? Being honest with you? Let me offer you the benefit of my 50 years on the planet... I understand what you are feeling... I've been there a number of times in my life. Also please understand.. your chances of changing her feelings are almost zero... if you can't deal with that, then I recommend you avoid her... be nice if you bump into each other... because #1. You aren't going to move on with your life if you keep hanging around hoping for the impossible... and #2. you won't be doing her any favors by hanging around with ulterior motives. #3. You are going to intentionally be causing yourself stress by pretending you might get someone that made themsleves clear they don't want to be gotten by you.

Nope none are easy... but walking away will give you the least pain rather than decieving yourself into thinking you get get what you want if you keep at it.

Yes women can be your friend without a romantic involvement... yes they can be your friend without hope for future involvement, as you get older and develop more maturity... you will begin to understand these things much better.

I have many female friends... some VERY good friends.. Would I be interested in some of them if they were available and interested as was I? Certainly... but as a mature adult, you learn to keep your urges under control... and keep your behaviour to standards that are acceptable in the social settings they apply.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shoattle

That's the thing... We did have something... More than a friendship but not really a relationship in the true meaning of the word. And thank you.

Its one or the other... and its not a relationship unless the other person feels the same way and agrees to it, and relationships are not secrets from each other. Apparently this is not the case from what you have said.

Relationships are never one sided. Fixations and obsessions are. You have to be careful because a youthful facination with someone can progress to an unhealthy obsession or criminal stalking very quickly.

And you have to respect her wishes... no means no.

I do respect her. And thank you for this extensive explanation. I'll try to forget her for the sake of both.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shoattle

I do respect her. And thank you for this extensive explanation. I'll try to forget her for the sake of both.

These are lessons in life we all must learn at some point... they are never easy, but they must still be learned.