Hi,
I have a question and please don't judge. I broke up with my boyfriend on February 7th due to some issues we were having and I had unprotected sex with somebody else on the 8th of February. I found out I was pregnant on the 28th of February because I missed my period, but the thing is that I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend up until February 2nd. My last period began on January 17th and continued until the 21st. I saw a doctor and she told me I most likely conceived on the third or fourth, but she doesn't know I slept with someone else on the 8th. I also took the plan b pill 36 hours after having sex with the second guy, and never took plan b with my boyfriend. (Stupid, I know.) When I went to the doctor, they told me I was five and a half weeks pregnant, meaning that I conceived on the third or fourth. And when I was having sex with my boyfriend they say it was my most fertile time but what if it wasn't? Am I just driving myself crazy thinking it was the second guys baby? Everything points towards it being my boyfriends so could you please give me your opinion? I am driving myself crazy over this because now we are back together and I'm losing my mind :( Thank you.

There is absolutely nothing to do but guess until the child is born and DNA can be done.

You can hope and wish and everyone can give estimates but DNA is the only definite way to tell.

Does your boyfriend know this might not be his child?

I got an abortion. So now there really is nothing to do but I'm losing my mind. And no, he doesn't know yet.

Then you'll never know. If you can't deal with the abortion or knowing who the father was (which I don't understand if you aborted the child), see a counsellor. Didn't the abortion center offer that service?

Your boyfriend doesn't know you had the abortion OR doesn't know there's a possibility he wasn't the father? Your relationship is turning into a series of lies.

He doesn't know he may not be the father but everything points toward him being the father, even the ultrasounds before the abortion, and the doctor calculated it all out for me.

And if you would like to sit there and judge me and give your two cents about my relationship that you know nothing about, please just stop. I came here for help, not your judgmental opinions. Thanks.

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Originally Posted by luckystar21

He doesn't know he may not be the father but everything points toward him being the father, even the ultrasounds before the abortion, and the doctor calculated it all out for me.

And if you would like to sit there and judge me and give your two cents about my relationship that you know nothing about, please just stop. I came here for help, not your judgmental opinions. Thanks.

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What do you find judgmental? You will NEVER KNOW the father of your aborted child. That's the law, that's science, that's how "it" works.

You are lying to your boyfriend. That's not my two cents or my personal judgment. That's my opinion based on the facts you posted. You asked for advice. You got it. You may not like it - but that's how this board works. I don't know what you post that would help me understand your relationship with your boyfriend - or that it matters. I asked because maybe you are "losing your mind" over some guilt. I think it's a fair question. I don't see that aborting the child and then "losing your mind" over the identity of the father makes sense. It's over.

You asked if you can determine the father of your child. After I answered you stated you had had an abortion.

No, you'll never know conclusively. If you want peace of mind, convince yourself your ob/gyn was right.

You don't have to lecture me on it being law, science, and that's how "it" works thank you very much I'm a medical student. But thanks for your opinion anyway. I don't need someone to tell me I'm lying. Do you think I'm an idiot? I KNOW I'm lying. What I DON'T know is how to handle this situation or how to give my mind some peace and THAT is what I was asking. Not to confirm that I was lying because I'm pretty confident in the fact that I am lying.

Okay, I am an OB/GYN nurse. From what I have read, no one is judging you. I think you are being to harsh on the people trying to help you.

That you will never know who the genetic father of this fetus was. The dates of the encounters are too close together to even begin to formulate an educated response.

You see, sperm can live in a woman's body for as long as 5+ days prior to fertilizing the egg.

With that said, you had relations with "A" on February 2 and "B" on February 8, thus without a DNA test it will be impossible to tell who the genetic father was.

I guess I just got defensive when she started talking about my relationship she knows nothing of. But thank you for your response. Is there anyone who is more likely the father? That is all I really need and want to know now just to ease my mind. :(

Also, I took the plan B pill with the second guy, and it won't work if you are already pregnant which is why I am leaning towards it being my ex-boyfriends...

I wish I could ease your mind, but in all honesty there is no way to tell one way or another without a DNA test. The dates of relations are just too close together.

I have access to the same "wheel" that your doctor uses to determine due dates, etc. however your encounters fall together in a conception window which makes paternity indeterminate without that specific DNA test.

But the doctor I saw that I was most likely to conceive anywhere from January 31-February 6th. And I also took the plan B pill with the second guy. I know you don't want to give me false hope but aren't those two important factors? :/

If you were most likely to conceive from 1/31 to 2/6 and you had sex on 2/8, do you see how it would be impossible to tell? 2 days doesn't really make a difference in conception since there isn't a camera inside your fallopian tubes to tell when the sperm actually met the egg.

Honey, stop beating yourself up over it. You have had the abortion and at this point it is impossible to tell.

You either have to get over this or get yourself some counseling. I'm not judging you. God knows how many times I have counseled women in your same predicament, but you HAVE to realize that there is no way to tell who the genetic father is without a DNA test as the dates of your encounters are too close together.

Does it make a big difference in determining who the father is if I used plan b with the second guy?

Plan B does not "stop" an existing pregnancy, if that's what you're asking.

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Originally Posted by luckystar21

Does it make a big difference in determining who the father is if I used plan b with the second guy?

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Plan B is not 100% effective. If you were already pregnant it would not abort the pregnancy from the first encounter. If you were not pregnant, it's possible that it did not work.

Now, you WERE pregnant and you aborted. I understand that and I sympathize. However, there is nothing you can do at this point to prove who was or was not the father. You either learn from this and move on or you continue to wallow in self pity. There is no way to know one way or the other who the father of this fetus was. PERIOD.

Yes I know it does not stop an existing pregnancy. All I'm asking is, is it more likely it's my ex boyfriends who I didn't take plan b with or the second guy who I did take plan b with. All I'm doing is trying to clear my head a bit :(

You have all the information that is available to you. No one here knows the identity of the father - and no one ever will. I'm surprised that a Med School student is still asking the question.

That aside - perhaps you can find peace and comfort on one of the other boards where other people answer. Here's one suggestion: Emotional Wellbeing - Ask Me Help Desk