My boyfriend has been signed up to and sometimes paying for dating websites our whole 2 yr relationship. I found out and was ready to leave but he had said it was only to look and nothing ever happened. He did lots of other things and now he is very emotional and said it will never ever happen again because he realized what he almost lost and he really loves me. We are moving to my home town which he hopes will be a fresh start. I find it hard to trust him, am I doing the right thing?

Most likely he is very sorry ( sorry he got caught) and will figure ways to be sneak around better. My guess is nothing else has changed in the relationship, and things are not being talked about, it will not get better, he was PAYING money for some sites, no one pays just to look.

He had a secret email address behind my back and called escorts when I was away. He promises he never cheated on me, he only looked. Since I found out he has got emotional and cried so many times because he knows he did the wrong thing and would do anything to change it. His mum knows the whole story and has tried to help us sort things out. I take his computer everyday bcos he says this shows me he is not using it for that stuff. We do everything together and he never calls/texts other girls or even has other girl friends. He is moving away from his family to make things right and closer to mine. Do you think people can ever change after doing this sort of thing. I believe him.

Had he not been caught, he would still be doing what he did before. Takes years to rebuild trust, and a lot of work. If you have time and are willing to take the rather considerable risk of him doing it again, try it. Maybe it works out well maybe it doesn't. But don't expect a smooth past, or instant success, or happiness.

Like I say, it may take a few years.

He had started deleting things and stopping it before I found out bcos he said he new it was wrong. He is a different person now and does not really have a way to do it without me finding out as I take his computer. I have noticed a difference and he is more caring now. He still gets very emotional about it and admits that it is all his fault and he feels better not being that person anymore. Do all people go back to it or will he change for the better? It has been 6 months he has been honest.

6 months is a good start, and a solid year is impressive. No one can say if he will be a good boy forever. Right now he is being watched closely, and he knows it. But sooner or later you will look away, or trust him on his own, and then you will know if he is truly into this change you imposed on him, or if he is putting on a charade, because he was caught.

You will never know until he is tested on his own. Cheaters are like alcoholics, you can hide the bottles, but they find a way to drink, if that's what they are intent on doing. The only way to know, is give him the computer back and stop watching him.

It hurts so much, I know he loves me so much and he does show it but he looked on dating sites and calling silly numbers. I don't know if he was just looking at photos and curious or what. He does love me and by giving me the computer he feels that shows me. Talaniman, you made me feel a little better. I bet there are cases like this where they do lie again but I guess there are cases where they do change. He has written me a big letter promising all he will do and it seems he is trying. I know he loves me but why look for others? :(

Either a risk of the heart is worth taking, or its not, but living in fear is no way to live. Dealing with the truth, no matter what that is, is better for making decisions based on facts, and not just feelings. Seek the truth. At least then you can choose a proper course of action for yourself, and have the added values of risk, and benefits to make a good choice for yourself.

But if you are afraid of making a mistake, chain the dog to the porch and watch him closely. Your guy knows the consequences now, make him pay if he does it again. Isn't that better than worrying about IF he will do it again?

Why he did it? Because it made him feel better. He got hooked on the feel good of it. Nothing to do with you at all.

He knows what will happen of it ever happens again and he said it never will because he doesn't want to lose me. He will do anything to keep me. He said it was just a silly mistake a d he was selfish and immature.

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My partner and I have been together 2 and a half years. He lies to me because he thinks I will get mad and explode - which in the past I have. He says he wants to be a better honest person and is seeking counseling advice but he still lies and does not tell the whole truth.. I try not to get angry but I do. It is all about his past, before me. Girls he has slept with. He doesn't like to talk about it because it is his past and he wants to move on from how he was.

In this time he has lied a lot to me and hurt me a lot. I found out things which he tried to hide. He has now tries to turn his life around and change. Do people really change though? He is seeking counseling himself and his attitude has changed. I love him, but not as much as I once did. I see changes in him but don't know if it is for good. We are best friends and love spending our time together. I would love to spend the rest of my life together if I could see he will always be honest and truthful. I am too scared to think of marrying him and ending up like my parents, divorced. I don't know whether to leave and throw away something that could be a great relationship if we fix our problems or stay and be unhappy.

I am worried if I leave I will find no one else and he will turn out to be a great person with his counseling. He is determined to fix himself and will not let his mum down, she has been helping us through this. What do I do? I dwell on things too much.




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Why did you start a new thread and ask the same questions all over again? Please stay in the original thread.

Again - please keep this topic in one thread. Your questions are all pretty much the same.

I think you put away your fears for now, and put the effort it takes to help be good to each other, and help each other. Building good memories is one way to get past old bad ones. It takes time and work, and to be honest, it looks like he is working hard.

I know its hard to just take a risk and just trust, and maybe some counseling for yourself would help. Anger management maybe? Its never easy when you are going through it, but I think you stick with it.

I've read all of your threads. The very fact that you post this question so many times, makes me think you want someone to tell you your boyfriend will turn out for the better and change. Guess what, he probably won't, and you need to get as far away from him as possible. You're so dilusional it's scary.

Dilusional, I think not. He has made some pretty big changes and is willing to move away to be closer to my family to make us happy. He is getting councilling and making himself a better person. People make mistakes I get that and I can see that he is trying. People do learn from their mistakes.

Thank you Talaniman, you helped.